My boyfriend made a last minute decision to go out of town with his friends. They wanted to go to a car show that’s currently happening. He told me he felt bad for leaving me behind and misses me more, every time he’s not in town. I feel that’s a complete lie. Otherwise, he would have taken me with him.
He just told me that he was going to bed about an hour ago. But he is actively logging onto WhatsApp. I know for a fact he’s still awake. Maybe he’s with his friends and talking to other friends in the group chat. Or he’s meeting up one of his former flings in town. He used to live here and I’m sure he still has the connections. I do not understand why he lied to me about going to bed. He’s done this to me before and I didn’t like it. And I’m tired of the lies. What do I do now?
tl:dr- boyfriend lies about going to sleep. I don’t know exactly what he’s doing because he’s so far away from home. This has happened before where he claims to be asleep, but he has done some awful things. Maybe it’s time for me to end things after 3 years?
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Maybe he’s telling these small lies because you assume the worst. He took a trip with his friends and you jump straight to him lying about missing you because he didn’t bring you along…on a trip with his friends. Do you have actual reasons to distrust and grill him on things he does?
You keep posting about all the issues you have with this guy and barely reply to people asking for more info or giving advice. You keep asking whether you should ignore him as punishment, or show up at his doorstep to prove he’s lying about something. Are you just looking to vent, or for encouragement to break up?
ETA: and 2 months ago you asked someone on Reddit for a d-ck pic. Classy.
It’s possible for one to be in bed, and not be asleep. He’s probably just chatting to his mates.
As for taking you with him, it’s normal and healthy for people to have lives outside of their primary romantic relationship, and it means you get to date a complete person instead of someone who’s constantly expecting you to fill some hole in their life.
Honestly it sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of insecurity and expecting your bf to accommodate it instead of doing the work yourself to process those feelings and self-soothe. If you can’t figure out a healthy way of dealing with your emotions that doesn’t involve immediately assuming the worst about the person you love, then you should end things because you’re not ready to be in a relationship.
He can be in bed, just chatting with friends on WhatsApp. He can also miss you when he is away from you, and still choose to take little trips with his friends. I don’t see any reason for you to be reacting this strongly tbh.
The age of cell phones, it is reasonable and polite to understand that a person may be in bed or simply done talking to you, but still be awake for a little while. Be reasonable. And polite. And show a little bit of grace.
If you’re concerned he’s unfaithful, break up. But if being on socials after saying goodnight is “a lie” then everyone under the age of 40 is lying every damn day.
Why didn’t you go? That seems weird to me too.
I know easy to write and hard to take in, each of us have different prespectives here is my advise for you:
– Focus on the things you can control not on the things you cannot control, you have no power over them.
– Stop focusing so much on what he is doing and focus on you, because making assumptions things will drive you crazy, they can be true or not, and if it happens to not be true you might end up taking a decision that you could later regret because unconsciously you mentalized that it was true.
– If you have to take a decision, take into consideration what you know for a fact and not what you presume happens/happened.
If you find out something concrete that goes against your ideology of a relationship, at the point you have something tangible to do whatever you see fit.
FYI – Apps have background refresh and sometimes could happen a person to appear online but she/he isn’t.
It’s a absolutely normal to use phone on bed even though you’ve decided to sleep. Maybe he wasn’t able to sleep as decided. It is also normal to go on trips with friends and without S/O as he deserves his own space and should be able to enjoy things in life which are not about his romantic relationship. OP, chill. Don’t worry
If he lies what’s the point of staying ? You’ll never trust him and you’ll always be hurt.
You should tell him how you feel maybe he’ll do something to make you feel more secure.
“He told me he felt bad for leaving me behind and misses me more, every time he’s not in town. I feel that’s a complete lie. Otherwise, he would have taken me with him.”
Please explain your logic here. Like, does he have a reason to think you would want to go to a car show? Did you say you want to go? Do you have a pre-existing interest in cars? Something else?
Op, you are waaaaaaay too old to be playing the “maybe he’s cheating on me” when he’s doing perfectly normal life shit.
I’m a night owl. Sometimes I’ll say goodnight to a partner but I stay up a bit because, iunno, I wanted to eat some cheese as a midnight snack or I forgot I needed to follow up with a friend from earlier that day. If you don’t live together, what do you care and why is there this immediate jump to him cheating? It’s a little ridiculous to expect someone to immediately go to sleep as soon as you stop talking- like why are *you* up checking on his Whatsapp status by the same logic?
If he’s had an actual history of cheating or similar shit on you, break up and just move on. You monitoring his texting status at night is not going to stop him from cheating, if that’s his intention.
Yeah, sounds like he’s cheating. Just cut him off, honestly. These people are the worst in the dating world.
Never in my entire life have I sent a “going to bed” text and immediately dropped dead asleep where I was when I sent it. Just by reading your post you can tell you’re chock full of internal insecurities that only you can deal with, and I suggest you do. Rampant intrusive insecurities like yours are an easy way to end a relationship.
I have relationship anxiety so believe me I get what’s going through your head. However, you’ve made a big leap from seeing him on WhatsApp and tracking his online status to ‘he’s meeting up with his former flings’. Has he got a history of cheating or is it something you’re arriving at after going down the rabbit hole?
I say this with love, but just because he says he’s going to bed doesn’t mean he has to shut his phone off and turn out the lights. He’s probably scrolling through sm and messaging his friends. He could have meant to go to bed and then got caught up in some thing. Or like you said, made a last minute decision to go out. He doesn’t have to involve you in every aspect of his life by taking you with him or by telling you every decision he makes.
Have a look at ways to deal with the anxiety you feel but if you feel it’s not something you can work on while with him, or you feel your relationship is causing the anxiety I would suggest breaking up with him and enjoy the single life without the stress of wondering what your partner is doing