i had a first date recently that went really well. got dinner, hung out, cuddled a little at his place (was not expecting the last part bc im used to dating people that go much slower, but it was a nice change). we have a lot in common and talked the entire time.
when we departed neither of us thought to do the whole ‘would you like to do this again’ talk. i would like to keep seeing him…. i think? the problem is i’m extremely hesitant to to actually initiate the 2nd date conversation or even talk to him period. even tho i have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, this has never happened to me before… usually when a date goes well all i want to do is talk to the other person, in other words i get more of an obsession reaction than a fight or flight one.
can someone relate/give insight as to why this might be happening now? i have only been in one other long term relationship, if that helps. it ended a couple months ago and i’ve had several dates since, however i never reacted to any of them in this way…
4 comments
“Fear of success” is very common amongst anxious people.
You may fear what seems a strong indication of a solidly budding relationship.
Oh no! It’s finally happening, what will I do? how will I handle this? etc.
I found daily meditation (completely blanking my mind for periods) was invaluable in removing my own anxiety.
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If he likes you and is interested in you, then he will like you even more and be even more interested in you if you show the initiative to ask for another date.
Folks with social anxiety will often surge the same amount of adrenalin as you would on intense sporting event, the battlefield or a really intense life or death situation. Players have a playbook or stereo typed movements, and soldiers have battle drills they work on constantly to control that surge.
Even though you enjoyed the cuddles, you are used to much slower dating routines. It was not part of your battle drill or playbook. You are outside your comfort zone, without a plan or drill, your body perceives danger and you are reacting the only way you know how, to beat feet and run.
First thing to do is figure out what you are going to say to him. You might want to let him in on your anxiety and why you need to slow things down.