What was a toxic/negative trait that you realized you possessed and how did you address it?

16 comments

1. I really struggle when my faults are pointed out. Sometimes I over react, sometimes I respond. It’s a work in progress.

2. I compare myself to others a lot and do not feel good if I think someone is more successful than I am.

   Trying to stop myself by getting therapy and reminding that everyone has different circumstances.

3. 2 comments only so far and both are basically me. this hit hard.

4. Holding on to relationships (of any nature) out of a sense of obligation, but also a fear of abandonment. Working on that in therapy.

5. I can be really stubborn when I’m depressed. I’m determined to isolate myself and not share what I’m going through. It’s really hard on my partner since that just makes him worry about me even more.

6. I’m envious, and I just accept myself as I am…

7. My black and white thinking + Fear of failure. It’s still a work in progress and I bet I got a loooong way. If I failed something I immediately tell myself how much of a failure/dumb/incompetent person I am, or how I should quit because clearly I’m bad at it.

   But honestly, how can I judge myself like that when one I haven’t had enough experience to be good at it, and two the only way to get better is to keep trying and practicing and if I quit then I’ll never get better. It’s absurd to say that when I’m just starting to learn. Mistakes are part of the process, it’s part of life. Shit happens, you learn from them.

8. I used to get really angry about criticism- constructive or otherwise. I had to realize that I was taking the criticism as a value judgement instead of just advice. I also had to realize that if I don’t agree with the criticism, I can just let it roll off my back.

   I was in my 30s when I figured all that out. Hopefully I’m doing a good job of teaching it to my kids.

9. Catching an attitude to get attention from my partner. I had to do that with the previous girl I was with and so I thought it was normal. Current girlfriend quickly shut that down.

10. Selfishness- there’s a difference between looking out for Number One and assuming everything should go your way because it’s Your Way. All it took was looking at situations through the eyes of others for one moment

11. I have a control issue. I’m not controlling of others, just of myself. I guess it could be called hyper independent as well. I’m addressing it in therapy and also by slowly letting my girlfriend be in charge of some stuff.

12. I’m controlling, I like others to do things my way. I realized I was like this because it’s a trait both my dad and his siblings share. I don’t want to be anything like that. I just remind myself my way isn’t the only way to do things, take a step back & let it work itself out.

13. My ridiculous level of people-pleasing that eventually turns into resentment and/or a martyr complex. It doesn’t even require being asked for something, I’ll just bend over backwards to do shit *I assume* they would want me to do. For example, I’ll force myself to stay up all night with my bf so he won’t feel bored or lonely and so he won’t have to worry about being quiet while I sleep. Then I start thinking “he’d never do this for me” and start building resentment towards him when it’s not even expected of me to do that in the first place.

    And then sometimes I get the opposite reaction, where I get all self-congratulatory about it and start thinking about what a good and selfless person I am. This phase doesn’t usually last long though. It goes back to resentment pretty fast, and I feel like it kinda reinforces the resentment.

    Haven’t addressed it…I need therapy lmao

14. I struggle with being vulnerable and asking for help. And I use to look down on people who always reached out and depended on others. Now I realise I was jealous of their ability to do that. I’m addressing it by accepting sometimes you need help and that is ok. It’s not easy though

15. I am a people pleaser. I worked on it with my therapist. We are still working on it. I have set boundaries and removed people who no longer serve me anymore. I was getting used by people who I thought were my friends. Its feeling a little lonely but peaceful

16. Extreme laziness. I don’t want to do anything that is work. I haven’t done any housework since my boyfriend moved in 7 years ago, I don’t exercise, I do nothing that doesn’t entertain me. I postpone minor things like bill paying or look up my travel insurance for the upcoming vacation until the last minute. What did I do? Nothing, I am too lazy to deal with it.