It is kind of bugging me at this point and I may seek a therapist for it. I have been avoiding social settings since I was a child cus.. it felt useless idk but my fam going out was nothing in particular and I always felt out of character going out felt like I can’t be myself unless I am on media..
I really be comfortable on media that I share whatever comes to mind and could talk to anyone!! so as now when I am with someone irl, my mind goes blank. for real like if they showed me something or told me anything. it would take me a lot to process it and I may not understand….
Sometimes tho I feel I have a rush and I become the social butterfly until it fades out.
in contract being with myself actually is easier. I could do anything alone and answer messages faster and process them a lot faster but when someone’s presence is there I just shut off. It is like I get to think with their mind. So when I am in a room I match the minds of the room I can’t have my own.
idk why is this. I used not to get bothered by it cus it felt like it is me why should I care much. until I found someone whom I could talk my mind to and gosh that feels amazing. wish I could talk to other people the same way without having a preasure in my mind.
Sometimes I do have sth to say but I think it hundred times like would they get what I say would I say it clearly what would they react to.. it is ridiculous and when I get to be with myself I gotta cry it out cus I feel stepped on cus I didn’t express myself!
So idk why I typed this I just feel bad today after coming home. should I seek a therapist? I think learning the roots of my thinking and having exercises could help me but I am hesitated.