Seriously every college class I’ve gone to in college nobody ever wants to approach or talk to me. I am practically alone all the time. I have bad social anxiety that makes it really hard for me to talk to others. I see everyone in my class talking to each other while I’m completely alone.
I just don’t understand why nobody ever wants to talk to me?
3 comments
After several years in college I’ve come to learn something that’s apparently very obvious to everyone, which is: no one is ever going to approach you and talk to you for no reason. Seriously. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, it’s just the way it is.
Do you randomly approach people out of the blue to talk to them? Probably not, for any number of reasons. Those are the same reasons no one approaches you either. If yes, great! That’s how you socialize in college.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s excruciatingly hard, in 5 years I have absolutely not been able to approach any of the really cool looking people I would like to talk to, but at least now I know it’s literally the only way.
(sorry for formatting, reddit mobile is balls. i edited to make it less terrible but it still might be terrible.)
basically what @_paradigm_of_sorrow_ said. in real life, people don’t just say hi to strangers with no follow up.
i’ve been in the same boat as you op, and aside from plucking up the courage to approach someone, what made people approach me was:
-having multiple classes with the same people (which happens a lot if you’re at a smaller/ medium sized school, people with the same majors will naturally take the same classes). this makes it feel less like approaching a stranger, even if you haven’t talked privately before. takes time to build up to it though, and you still need a reason to initiate the convo.
-trying not to have resting bitch face, for lack of a better term. my resting face is straight up hostile, no joke. i have to consciously try to soften my features. also, people can sense stress in other people, even on a subconscious level. if you’re able to practice appearing calm, relaxed, at ease, etc, even if it’s fake, you’ll appear more approachable.
-this is the most important one: flagging your interests. when you have social anxiety, often times your instinct is to hide your interests to avoid the possibility of being judged or made fun of. try to resist that instinct. being visibly into something is the best conversation starter for people who are also into those things. this can be something as simple as wearing a t-shirt with bands or video games you like. i get compliments on my tattoos fairly frequently, which is a good way to segue into complimenting the complimenter- and before you know it you’re having a conversation.
another example is that i crochet during class because keeping my hands busy helps me listen better due to adhd. i put off doing this for so long, to the detriment of my attention span, because i thought people would think i was weird. the first day i brought my crochet into class and tried to subtly do it under my desk, a whole group of classmates said things like “omg that’s so cool/funny, what are you making, that’s such a good idea, etc”. next class, two other people had brought crochet hooks!
TL;DR- people aren’t as hostile as you might be afraid they are, but no one approaches strangers for no reason. if you can’t work up the courage to approach others, be patient and try to make yourself approachable by seeming comfortable in your own skin and being visibly into things that could start conversations. and of course, YMMV.
Strike up a conversation with someone. discuss a common topic like homework or something.