It’s really simple really me and my boyfriend having been trying to have sex for a couple months now and whole I really enjoy it and orgasm multiple times my bf just can never cum, I’ve tried sucking him off for ages still not cum, I’ve tried letting him fuck me piv however he pleases, still no cum, I’ve tried handjobs, titjobs anything I just can get him to cum. He says all these things are still pleasurable but just is never able to cum would anybody have an idea ? Is it something I’m doing wrong or is it something we are both doing wrong I’m soo confused any help is much appreciated
32 comments
Tell him not to jack off for a few days he will fill that thing up after that
Pretty sure he’s actually gay.
Is he on any sort of medication? A lot of meds can make it really hard for a guy to actually finish during sex no matter how much they find it pleasurable.
That isn’t normal. If it was his first time or close to that I could understand, but for so long…yeah…as someone else said it… He’s probably gay.
I got “the problem” too, never came from sex itself, only by hand and only by myself, came once in my life during sex and only after months of “work”, I can last hours without any sign of cumming from sex..its just how his dick is build and how he feels sex so he doesnt come to the point to cum…
Its also a brain issue, he has to completely turn off his head, easier said than done, I know what I am talking about, haha….where am I?, Oh, ehm, dont pressure him, just makes it worse…it will happen eventually, till then, be on his side by helping him to cum in the only way he can do it, its not you, just how he is…maybe lie by his side while he jerks himself off, strip, do it yourself, give his head stuff to think about, can also be hot for you to know he thinks only about you while you do what I described (thats what my Gf said to me, haha)
Do the last part for a while, whenever you see he is comfortable doing it, he got fun cumming again in a steady way, you can try again helping him….best of luck to you 2
Ok I have same issue here. Even I am not sure what happens but if I hold myself from jerking for more than 2 weeks and use condom, I am MAY reach an orgasm. We(me and my gf) tried a lot of things but we did not find any solution. Since our relationship is a long distance one we ultimately settled upon exploring each other’s interests and kinks rather than having a orgasm centric session, whenever we meet.
If it’s not death grip, medication (ssri’s) or porn induced ED, my money is on him being gay
Watch him masturbate and then try to repeat what you saw. Maybe that works, maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, then have him masturbate whenever you have sex. You can dirty talk, play with your boobs, let him cum on you or in your mouth.
Merication, anxiety/depression, lifestyle can act as brakes to his arousal. But apart from that, try to find out how he makes himself cum, find out what he does, maybe have him masturbate in your presence, and you can implicate yourself more and more each time through touch, dirty talk, etc.
He may have death grip. If he grips his dick really hard during masturbation, he may have desensitized it so much that your stimulation just isn’t enough. In that case, he needs to stop masturbating for quite a while to regain sensitivity.
Four possibilities I can think of:
1. He jacks off too much.
2. He’s on some sort of meds that inhibits ejaculation.
3. He watches too much porn meaning it’s harder to reach climax.
4. He’s too sedentary which can harm libido.
Look up death grip syndrome, your bf is probably “suffering” from this:)
Have you guys thought about prostrate stimulation? Seems like you’ve tried everything else. And like everyone’s saying, death grip, porn, medication.
Apart from all the other great advice here, try not focusing on it so much. The dread of not being able to cum can make you even less likely to cum. It adds pressure.
Can he cum while masturbating?
It’s interesting. I made a similar post here a few days back. Didn’t get a response. Started to think I was weird. 38m having problems as well with my gf. So I’m glad to see this is somewhat common. Sad to see it’ll take a lot of rewiring to overcome.
He could be strangling his dick when he masturbates. Tell him not to cum for two weeks. No masturbating, nothing. Reset that sensitivity. If that doesn’t work I would suggest a doctor.
It’s deathgrip. Look it up
If it is any level of performance anxiety where he can’t cum because he’s built up this idea in his head, then actively trying to come during sex is probably goanna put enough pressure on the situation to exacerbate the problem. So making a big deal about this probably won’t help the problem.
If you’re concerned about the effect it’s having on your intimacy then you could try mutual masturbation after sex.
Try letting him watch porn while trying to get him off, and try butt play on him, if he hasn’t done it before just a wet finger-tip tickling may be all that’s needed.
Tell him to go 3 months of no sex/masturbation and porn. That will or help
This sounds like he’s on medication. I had some that did this. I also had some others that turned it orange.
Can he cum when he’s alone? Are you his first partner?
I think the focus should not be on you making him cum, but on him letting himself cum when he’s with you. Start by asking him to masturbate in front of you, but don’t touch him and don’t force eye contact. After a few times when he’s comfortable doing that you can ask him to make eye contact with you. When he’s comfortable with that you can move to touching him on his chest or his thigh while he’s masturbating, but don’t move your hand yet, do not distract him. Next step is you caressing him while he masturbates. Finally, when he’s really comfortable making himself cum while you interact with him, then and only then can you try to make him cum yourself.
I realized even a simple paracetamol inhibits my ability to nut
Check his prolactin levels please
It could be porn or he jerks off too much. It could also be stress from pressure to perform. And like others pointed out, it could be meds. For me it’s a combination of pressure to perform and what my therapist calls a high orgasm threshold. Apparently I suffer from a high orgasm threshold similar to most women. It’s kind of rare in guys but there nonetheless.
My therapist had to explain to me that I need to quit working towards the goal of cumming and focus on the intimacy and the connection of sex. My GF is really understanding about it and now we just focus on being intimate and having fun with it. Sometimes I cum. Sometimes I don’t.
Have his hormones checked. There is an epidemic of low testosterone and low DHEA in men. Low T will make a penis numb
Just curious, while I don’t advocate having unprotected sex if you don’t fully trust each other and can live with the potential consequences, I was wondering if you guys normally use a condom? I (male) usually have absolutely no issue cumming from raw sex but as soon as I wear a condom there is often an issue where I can have sex for like 30 minutes and still just not cum. So if that is something you guys haven’t tried and something you’re ready for that could potentially help, but I’d try other things first if you’re not sure.
So, not sure of your age etc but many things can help.
No masturbing for a few weeks, still either have sex or oral.
No porn especially.
Dont fuck hard, let him go on top, maybe legs up for you but he needs his torso mostly horizontal, many men have an issue from weak core muscles and need to activate while being horizontal.
He needs to keep rythym. Sex is often sooo much about rythym, very important.
If all of this doesnt help after weeks of trying, hes either got a serious medical issue or lying to you. Sincerely, someone who has had all of the above includong medical issues.
Try to support him by consulting a professional. Many times it has a psychological root and needs to be treated as this.
Fuck i wish I had this problem
A lot of these comments already hit the nail on the head but I didn’t notice someone say one thing: Depression.
My ex partner was the same way and he didn’t realize that it was because he was severely depressed. this was on top of already just being wired that way. Is it possible that May be impacting his ability to finish?
Regardless of the why, the #1 rule is to never take it personally, you aren’t doing anything wrong, if he says he is attracted to you, believe him. Adding pressure to the situation often makes it worse.
I think you can help yourself by finding out how he does it when you aren’t there and finding a way to be involved in that. It takes some time but it does get better.