On 2nd anniversary, wife and I were driving to a spa-type place 2 hours away to celebrate. Immediately she puts on podcast for drive, proceeds to only want to ‘listen’ for the whole duration, is this normal for a newly married couple? Maybe my expectations are too high?

17 comments

1. Do you normally listen to podcasts on road trips?

2. Why would listening to music have been okay but not a podcast? Did you voice your expectations?

3. Doesn’t seem out of the ordinary to me, but everyone is different. I usually drive in silence whether I’m alone or not.

4. Did she even ask if you wanted to listen? I think most people would say – Hey. Do you mind if I listen to this? It will be a couple of hours.

   If she did, that would have been the time to speak up and negotiate for some couple time.

5. So you drove in since for 2hrs? Next time let her drive and you do the same and see how she responds!

6. Did you ask her to change it? Would you think the same sitting on the couch next to ech other for 2 hours? I would not put a podcast on if my husband wasnt interested in it. I might put in my headphones and listen. Or I might take a nap. Or I might find different songs to play. Or I might on rare occasions chat.

7. There’s no normal, it just depends what your expectations are and to communicate them. Some couples love being independent together. Some couples love chatting for hours on hours.

   If you’re disappointed by her choice to listen to a podcast, you need to tell her. Say, “hey, I was hoping to connect and talk on this drive. Can we do that?” If she says no, then you can tell her how it makes you feel. Your wife should care about your feelings and maybe you can come up with a compromise!

8. What was the topic of the podcast?

9. Oh come on, I think podcasts get listened to in cars.

   Certainly can understand you had different hopes. Next time discuss it in advance.

10. I think it depends on the couple, the situation, the mood, etc. I remember, back in the day, we did a long car ride early in our marriage and we listened to an audio book the entire time. I was super annoyed as the narrator’s voice rubbed me the wrong way, but I didn’t want to say anything. Years later I said something and my husband was like “You should have just said something!”. Yeah, I should have. So, just talk to her about it and see what she says? Not communicating and assumptions in relationships can cause problems for sure.

11. It really depends on your definition of normal, and maybe your current needs. For example, maybe the shared experience she wanted was that podcast while the shared experience you wanted was music/conversation. The only way to get to the root of it is to have an open discussion. I personally love listening to podcasts (alone and with my husband) because they often spark new and interesting conversation. They can also be a way for us to zone out together to recharge. Does she feel very overwhelmed/stressed out in her day to day life?

12. Normally my husband and I chat but have music playing in the background but sometimes I go quiet because I’m too busy looking at stuff lol. Occasionally I’ll say that I need quiet time to just listen to music for a bit tho.

13. Only 2 years in and you can’t say “hey is it cool if we talk?” Oooof.

14. Is it possible the pod cast was her way of telling you something?

15. We may be outside the norm, but “driver decides” in our relationship (barring there being something pressing to talk about right then and there).

    I prefer silence and coffee. My wife prefers dancing to Taylor Swift.

16. We usually talk and listen to music , turn down the music if needed but maybe ask her her preference for future reference & expectations so you won’t feel disappointed/blindsided next time . My husband saves podcast and things for solo rides

17. Totally normal. As an introvert and someone who gets stressed a lot, I love that my partner and I are both cool with just listening to podcasts in the car and don’t feel the need to “Fill a silence”. Sometimes you just need time to relax and decompress. A solid relationship should feel comfortable in silence – you don’t need to be entertained by your partner 24/7, it’s not her job.