My wife and I have been making efforts to be more open about talking about sex – it’s something that doesn’t come naturally for either of us. One thing we did to break the ice in this area was talk about losing our virginity – what it was like for each of us the first time. What we felt, what it was like, etc. It was a very cool and vulnerable way to explore finding a comfort zone.
She had fun with that and since then has asked about other partners I’ve had, wanting to hear about those experiences, what I was feeling, etc.
Over the past few weeks this has branched out into her half-jokingly asking, when we are out and about, “how would you do her” and questions like that. It’s fun, like a little game.
A couple days ago, for the first time, she asked it while we were in bed together, during foreplay. She brought up a particular person we both know – someone in the “forbidden” category for a couple of reasons – and asked how I’d f—- her.
Does anyone have experience with this? Is it harmless or something to be wary of for any reason? It’s just very new to me/us.
6 comments
Exploring anything sexual can be a ton of fun and I highly recommend it. Having said that, make sure you understand your own boundaries and communicate them to your partner. I’m not ruling out she isn’t sniffing around for a threesome, but make sure you understand everything that comes with that and YOU are comfortable with it. Sometimes things sound amazing on paper, but can be messy in real life.
Are these questions making you uncomfortable? If so, tell her.
My wife and I have never hidden whom we might find attractive. I think that honestly is why our marriage is so strong.
But….
Getting into details like how you would do it seems like thin ice. Mostly because is she really going to be OK with hearing a detailed description of you bonking another woman? At some point, you risk saying something she doesn’t want to hear.
I think the key is to discuss this when NOT in bed together. What exactly is her line in the sand that you shouldn’t cross? What is YOUR line in the sand you don’t want to cross?
You both need to be clear about this.
Depends on your relationship. I personally don’t like hearing about my SOs past. I mean I’m not jealous cause I get him fully but I just don’t want details. He however wants all the specifics and he gets super turned on by it. That then leads into fantasy talk about who or how as hypothetical hookups. To each their own, but don’t walk into something she’s gonna throw in your face later.
Tread very carefully if she’s ever had insecurities. If she has had I’d suggest you shift the focus to her after she’s asked her questions “babe in that scenario I’d want to F like…..and do such and such” and end your response with a passionate kiss.
Couples share all sorts of fantasies that you’ll never know about. Yeah, that older couple you know? Oh boy, are they ever kinky behind closed doors. *[Side note, watch [How to build a sex room on Netflix](https://www.netflix.com/title/81220971) for an entertaining peek into several couple’s lives]*.
But I’m not so keen about talking about specific people by name because it could be damaging, creating feelings of an emotional affair. I’d put up a boundary of not speaking of anyone we know to sidestep the issue completely.
And to the two of you working on these things, check out this section of this sub’s wiki:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/wiki/index#wiki_sex_and_spicing_up_your_marriage
Education is key in this area and there are some great tools, videos and articles in there.