My [F24] boyfriend [M24] has made it clear he intends to propose by mid next year. He’s currently active duty in a high-risk position and went through a situation that made him question the length of his remaining time.
We were high school sweethearts that have come back together. I originally broke it off back then, but we remained friends and he never lost feelings. We’ve dated in between trying again, and it ended up giving us a greater appreciation for one another. So, we’re giving it another shot. However, by the time he intends to propose, we would only be together consecutively for a little over a year (we’re on official month 7).
On one hand, I’m more of a planner and cautious. I’m that person who hordes all the items in a game “just in case” and never use them. I don’t have a lot of exposure on how “set” people are when stepping into the marriage commitment. I’m trying to get into grad school and I only work part time so I definitely lack financial stability. Additionally, the brevity of our relationship makes me uncomfortable. Many people around me have dated 5+ years before marrying. Overall, a lot of important factors such as sharing the same values and goals, having strong communication and maturity (especially from his side), and having both families are accepting of one another’s SOs are checked off. We don’t fight, and we calmly talk through our disagreements. But life’s not easy and I’m worried of being in such a binding commitment if it turns out he can’t stand me or we find something down the road as a deal breaker.
On the other hand, I understand his as I like to call “rush”. I was his first love and he’s always said he’s wanted to marry me, from high school to the first day we started dating again. I know for a fact he didn’t feel this way or say it for anyone else he’s dated. Furthermore, with the life endangering things he’s been through recently, I get why he wants to to have that deeper commitment with me.
Currently, we can only communicate by email and this is a very sit down and talk in person type of convo. We agreed to talk about it more in person when he gets back from his deployment, but I would like some outside perspectives and viewpoints!
Tldr: Boyfriend intends to propose on a little over the year mark and I’m unsure if I’ll be ready.
1 comment
I’d wait until you both have time to be really together in a “normal life” setting as in no commuting or longer absences. He experienced a trauma and proposing to the woman you love is sweet and shows his commitment but it shouldn’t be based on (t)his experience. Take some time to just live together in a regular setting without having to communicate via email, FaceTime or other electronic stuff. He needs to be home first before making this kind of decision.