I (F38) recently had a first date with a man (38) that I really enjoyed. Neither of us is looking for anything serious, but not necessarily fleeting either. Didn’t really chat much before the date, it was fairly spontaneous. We stayed out late and eventually went to his place to talk some more. I slept over (nothing happened, we slept close to each other but didn’t snuggle) and in the morning we hung out for a while and talked a lot more before I left.
Before I ended up staying over, he asked if he could kiss me. I was a bit hesitant and he straight away said that it wasn’t a problem. We went back to talking.
What I didn’t tell him was that I was largely hesitant because he had bad breath! I think it was just one of those things because I only noticed it towards the end of the evening, and his breath seemed fine the next morning.
In the morning he asked me whether I’d enjoyed myself the night before. I said yes. I felt like we really hit it off actually, and I definitely want to see him again. Because of him asking to kiss me and also apparently being uncertain that I’d enjoyed myself, I felt like it was on me to message him on tinder to say hi and also to give him my phone number. We’ve been messaging daily since the date.
Now for my question (I realise only one person can tell me what he thinks or feels, but this is a new situation for me and I’m not at all sure how to proceed. I
also have ridiculously low self esteem).
To what extent should I make it clear that I want to see him again? I was going to ask him out but I thought maybe it’s already obvious that I’d like to if I’ve been messaging him, and he’s not really that bothered. He might have only asked to kiss me because we’d been drinking, after all. I feel like I’ve texted him more than he’s texted me. And I’m the one who asked to stay over because I didn’t feel safe going home alone in the middle of the night.
The only way to know is to ask him, but are these just normal polite things people do? Or do I need a slap to wake me up, and/or to take a class in self esteem before dating any more?
9 comments
Yes, you should ask him out on another date. Just ask, it will be fine. It is obvious to him that you want to go on another date, but you still have to ask. Besides, _someone_ has to be the one to create a concrete plan, set a time and day, decide on activities, and since you’re interested in showing your interest it would be good to take a half hour and set something up.
Have gum with you. If he has bad breath again, give him some gum. On subsequent dates, if bad breath persists, you gotta talk to him about daily brushing and flossing.
Just ask if he’s free on some day that you want to see him. Bonus if you already have an idea of what you want to do.
If you want to see him again, ask him
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Two parts to each situation:
Objective: you want to see him again
Subjective: everything your brain uses to distract you from the objective.
Ignore the subjective as long as they don’t serve you.
Ask him on another date. It could very well be that he took your hesitancy to kiss him as a sign of disinterest and if you don’t make it extraordinarily clear that you want to see him again, you might not.
Ask him again and have some mints handy. Take one in front of him and offer him one. Get laid! booom
“Neither of us is looking for anything serious, but not necessarily fleeting either.”
Just out of curiosity, you’re looking for a relationship with an end date?
Just ask him. Even if he’s not into it he’s not gonna get mad at you or anything lol like worst that can happen is he says no and then at least you know where u stand