Hi,
Me M[25] and my girlfriend [25] have been through tough times lately and she decided to break up then she withdrew her decision after talking to me and asked for 3 days to think about it alone and then she would tell me her final decision.
She asked me to stop talking to her and give her time to think because she feels that she’s beeing pressed by me and she doesn’t want any one to influence her decision.
I don’t know what to do.
I’m afraid that she will get to the same decision again if she thought alone. She’s angry and only thinks about the bad things. And i was able to change her decision by explaining myself first time.
But She’s saying that I’m making things worse by talking to her and pressing her and this might lead to just NO.
I know that things look bad and most probably we are breaking up but I don’t know what to do now.
TL;DR! Should I try to talk again or just leave her alone?
Thank you!
5 comments
I never got the whole break thing personally, I think having doubts when it comes to marriage is common, because you go in with expectations of hopefully spending the rest of your life together. Leave her alone, I think rather than worrying about how you can change her mind, think about if you want a partner that is that uncertain and would possibly spend the rest of your life with someone who is having so many doubts that she broke up with you. If you do get back together I would put the wedding on hold indefinitely to see if this is what you both really want and possibly try out couple’s therapy to work on your relationship
This isn’t complicated.
If somebody asks you for three days to sort their feelings out, *you fucking give them three days.*
Honestly even a couple of weeks would be fine.
You can’t stop someone from breaking up with you if that’s what they want to do. You can convince someone that they DO want to break up with you by refusing to listen to them or give them the space that they ask for.
You *are* making things worse by pressuring her and trying to talk to her when she’s asked you not to. You’re demonstrating your lack of respect for her needs and boundaries.
Leave her alone. Every time you push back you make a breakup look more and more like the right option.
give her space. stop contacting her and let her breathe. in the mean time, take time for you to figure out why you wont give her space. write thoughts and feelings down, it will give you clarity. take time to think back on conversations where she tells you what she needs and wants in a relationship. i hope you were listening.
You don’t really have options here. She wants time, give her the time. Spend it re-examining what you want, in general, from a relationship and if that’s what you actually have with her. Also, if it’s your fiancé, you might want to rethink that. You shouldn’t be planning a wedding with someone that isn’t even sure they want to commit to a relationship.