For context , been w her for 7 years. She’s been cheating for 4 months . “Haven’t had sex”
Love and Hate
I love her so much , I hate her so much . I hate how much I love her. I love her 100 times more than I hate her . Is that wrong ? Do I believe her because I’m weak ? Because I try to be a good human being ? Because I don’t want to be alone ? Because I love her too much ? Or am I stupid ? Am I even a good person ? What does he have that I’m lacking ? Am I not enough ? Why ? Why would she do this to us ? Do I even deserve her ? Does she deserve me ? Why do I feel like this ? Because I want to let go ? Because Im scared to lose her ? Because I love her ? Because I hate her ? I’m so lost , is she my light ? Or am I being swallowed in darkness ? I love her so fucking much. I can’t even say I fucking hate her, I just hate what she did it makes me want to say I fucking hate her . She’s all I know , is that why I’m still here ? Is that why I’m dealing with this ? Do I want anyone else ? No. I want her .. I feel I need her . Is that just my heartache? Is that my body shutting down for my biggest fear ? I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know what I need, I don’t know what to do. I love her. I hate her. But I want her, I want her so fucking bad . I fucking love her.
8 comments
Relationships seldom work out after cheating occurs. Sad thing is the person (you) who has been hurt further gets hurt by crippling insecurities by carrying the relationship on, and self esteem suffers more, which leads you into smothering her with constant texts etc bc of need to know you aint being cheated on again. I’d leave her personally. You don’t sound a strong guy mentally concerning this, you need to be very strong and forgiving to lead a happy relationship again.
No offense, but I can see why she might have cheated after reading that.
You need to get a grip, dude, and for the sake of your own wellbeing, your mental and physical health get some self-respect and leave her today. What you’re describing sounds more like addiction than love, which wouldn’t be far off the truth. The first thing you need to do is get away from her – separation and time for your mind to heal and rewire itself, and so you can see things more clearly. Be around good friends and family, and maybe a therapist too. Despite what I said initially, I am sorry you’re going through this – that is rough, but you need to unplug from this right now. You’re not in a good place mentally at all and will continue to spiral and perhaps even behave irrationally, trust me, I’ve been there before. Get out of this torture you’re putting yourself through.
Bro. Get out of that relationship. 7 years is no reason to stay. Cut your losses.
this is alarming
Show some self respect, leave her.
(To give context) sorry I should of explained all of it . I won 50k gambling on stake and it sucked me in .. I lost it all . I’m 40k in debt , And I lost the 10k I had saved . During that time I was in a terrible fucking place , even at work I was messing up jobs because of the gambling. Always staring at that fucking screen.There was for sure neglect on my part which isn’t an excuse at all but I’ll take fault when it’s due . I found out about a month ago , and I actually took a 2 week vacation to CO right after this shjt happened . As for our relationship. I took that time to find what I wanted and I came back to her . I believe she’s worth it , she’s a good human being, just did a bad thing . But I also can forgive but not forget . I’ve buried it .. at least in our relationship. I don’t bring it up, I don’t accuse her. Yeah I’m fucked up mentally still but that’s because my fucking brain questions everything . Just internally it’s fucking hard , like That trust is ruined. But doesn’t she deserve a chance to earn it back ? Am I wrong ? Please don’t sugar coat shit .
No shelter for traitors
My friend, u need professional help, urgent