So, my boyfriend and I have been experimenting with sexual things as we’ve been together for a couple months. Due to personal reasons, we haven’t been doing penetration Sex as much but try to satisfy each others needs by trying out other ways. But sometimes, i find myself giving oral pleasure to him without him reciprocating it or without him wanting to do anything to me. It’s not all the time and sometimes he does pleasure me well but sometimes he doesn’t and idk i feel… unwanted. And when I’m on my period he doesn’t at all but still expects me to do that to him and it sucks. I love pleasuring him but doing so also makes me Horny and ofc i want it back in return. Am i selfish for thinking this? I’ve brought this up to him before but idk. I don’t want to create unnecessary issues and he says we don’t both have to orgasm when we do sexual stuff. Is that true? This is my first relationship and my first time Experiencing anything sexual with anyone so I’m Not sure if this is how it’s supposed to be done or not.
5 comments
it’s not selfish at all to want your needs met. if anything, he’s being the selfish one.
also, you don’t have to do anything just because he expects it. do it because you want to.
He’s right that it doesn’t always have to be both of you everytime but if it’s sometimes both of you sometimes you just him and never just you then that would be a problem for me.
Have you talked to him about the fact that you want more reciprocation? This is totally fair to want, but you gotta ask before you receive.
Not wanting to do anything during your period is a totally normal boundary. Not wanting to do anything for him while that boundary in place is fair, but, idk, kind of petty to just do it for the sake of it, it’s okay if your frustration is worse for this, or if it isnt still enjoyable in that situation. ‘Can not should’, but you know, no one else will know anyway i guess.
Tell him you want more back
Stop doing things to pleasure him till he has pleasured you and you have had your fill. If he pressures you to do otherwise, break up
You Are Not selfish at all for having needs and wanting to be satisfied as well. Sex is meant to be enjoyed by everyone involved….not just by one partner. If he doesn’t care enough to make sure that your needs have been met just as well as his, then he is a selfish lover. Somebody above said “he’s right it doesn’t always have to be you…” well no but I say it shouldn’t always be just him either though. On another note….He shouldn’t be placing any expectations on you for sex at all. If you choose to please him, then by all means honey go for it….but it should always be because you chose to and not because he expects it. This, to me, sounds very one sided and could potentially lead to problems in the future if left unchecked. Communication is important….expressing to him how all of this is making you feel unwanted and so on should be your next move. Normalize Talking about sexual wants, needs and desires with your partner because it will help establish a healthy sexual relationship.