dealing with a gf over complicating my sex life

So I posted the other day about my gf kinda pushing for an uncomfortable sex position. There was some replies but I think my post was only covering part of the issue and maybe the replies were not so useful based on that.

I’d say the 3 major roots of our issues are
1. She’s only cum from syntribation since a young age. Now she uses a clit suction toy i got her at the same time.
2. All her ex bf were sycophants who let her get away with ignoring their needs. Her first bf, the only one she loved, got a hand job and the rest got the chance to eat her pussy as did her first bf. Hence she was a virgin when we meet.
3. She didn’t tell me about the only way she could cum for years and was closed off enough that I was highly aware that there was an issue, more than a gf who struggles to cum which I’ve dealt with before without it being an issue.

We’ve had mountains of sex. Lots of it very dynamic and lots of it very rough up til proper rape games, more hardcore than most would do playing those games and everything in-between. I seriously asked her if she had a sa history what with the not telling me the truth about her stuff and all the rape games etc.

So we’ve been making progress to some extent but it’s slow. Feels like I have to work everything out to a point where I can ask the right questions. Since the position for syntribation isn’t something that’d come up unless you were looking for it and she was actively hiding it from me this has been a complicating factor.

It’s hard to ascertain exactly what our outstanding issues are but most important is communication. She lied to me about having an orgasm not so long ago. I don’t push the orgasm thing just want to know. I think I done it on purpose kinda, like suspected she hadn’t and would lie. We argued a little about that. she accepted that I’m not pressuring her to cum just be honest.

We’ve been doing more sex positions that let her cum like syntribation with penetrative sex. One of the positions is awful, one is decent, one good at least for me, for her the order is reversed. I’m not even sure how much she enjoys the position I like the most but I’m confident (kinda) that she really cums. The one she likes the most isn’t happening anymore, I’ve had enough. We’ll possibly experiment with more later, when she returns from a trip.

The only reason the position she likes the most was happening was because I was kinda desperate and curious. However it’s just humiliatingly uncomfortable and I’ve compromised my sex life enough.

I’m sure she wants to be with me and we often have sex I really enjoy. But I want to have mutually pleasurable sex, mutually satisfying but most of all just easy going. A natural flow where I know how my partner is feeling and it’s good for us both. I’m not confident well reach that point. our most recent conversations have been time limited because she’s busy where she is and feels like this issue is her fault so doesn’t really want to talk much about it, I don’t even think she lets herself think about it much. I’ve been genuinely angry about this since I want to talk about stuff and seem to have to express serious discontent to get a conversation to happen.

I don’t understand why she pushes for the uncomfortable position and doesn’t just masturbate with me instead. I think she wants an ideal sex for her.

I’m fed up. I’ve had enough gf’s to know my life could be simple it’s hard to motivate my to be sexually involved in this right now. I’m sure she could cheer me up and make me interested but soon after I’d be back to an atmosphere that I’m trying to figure out and make work to the optimal level I know she desires but that’s a big turn off for me.

I honestly think I deserve a side girl to keep me sane but maybe a decent brothel would be the easiest way to make my relationship work, so I have a stress free space to reassert my frame of mind and confidence. Harsh but….
Edit.. I’m not completely one sided about this either, at this point if she wants to go find satisfaction with someone else she can. the idea of some other guy trying to work out what does the trick and coming back with a field report isn’t the end of the world though 18 months ago I wouldn’t have felt like this
Understand there’s not a question here. It just is what it is. Feel free to comment.