Advice for a new military spouse?

8 comments

1. Learn the acronyms. There’s gonna be a lot of them. You can have a whole conversation using them and know what’s being said.

   AF also has an MWR program for active duty members and authorized family members and have all kinds of activities for service members and family.

   If y’all plan on having children or already do there’s MCC: Military Child Care can get you on list for Daycares on base. There’s even options to help subsidize that care, but it’s different for each service. I did it so long ago I can’t remember but those options are there.

   Note: I’m from the Department of the Army side of things but there should be equivalents across services they just might be called something different.

   Also USA Jobs sometimes posts positions that lean towards Military Spouse.

   Make sure your kids get their dependent cards. I don’t know about spouses as my parents were both military. But that way they can shop at the PX and things like that.

   My heath insurance was trough Tricare as a child and I remember it being pretty good. Don’t know about these days so that’s an option for healthcare that’s military based.

   Edit: Adding some additional information I though of.

2. Which branch?

3. Don’t see time apart as a negative, reframe it in your mind . Instead of thinking I’ll be alone , think I’ll have me time . Use it as an opportunity to nurture yourself , eat what you want, watch what you like . Join a club. Appreciate that the times apart make the time together so much more special . Keep that Honeymoon feeling going . I’ve been married 26yrs ,23yrs as a Military wife and it’s made our relationship stronger and kept us from becoming a codependent pretzel which can happen so easily. When you’re apart write letters, not just emails, tell him you appreciate and love him. Send fun care packages. Develop inside jokes . Never stop dating one another or having fun .

4. Congratulations and I’m sorry.

   You should try to learn the lingo as best as possible cause it will make communication between you two easier.

   Also be aware there are many young adults in the military and many will not make good choices and will try to get others to do the same so they aren’t alone, like your husband so be weary of who your husband’s friends are and if they are positive for his life.

   You are now surrounded in the hornet’s nest of all the shitty personalities from high school. There are the sluts, the pick me’s, witches, back stabbers, the hoarders, the cheaters, the gossip girls, the drama makers, boss bitches, ShEOs, Mother Gothels, hood rats, getto queens, swingers, trailer trash, she hulks, sex workers, and angels. The military is a melting pot for the world and they will bring their trash with them so military housing can be amazing and hell at the same time.

   When you can go to a cookout, you must go. The food will be amazing, people will be iffy, and the drinks will be strong. Oh yeah and if you see babies running around in only a diaper… that is normal and if they arent clean that is normal as well. But ignore all that and learn to how to cook the food. I really wish they did cookbooks cause the food was amazing cause everyone brought their best.

   Learn there is a system to support you, normally the people who have all the kids can tell you how to use the system cause they are deep within it and know all the tricks.

   Also get a job and hobbies, your partner will be gone a lot because the job take priority over the relationship and you. Many spouses struggle with this and then cheat but great partners get it and learn to deal with it by keeping busy and building themselves and the relationships.

   If you aren’t in school or finished your college degree then its a great time to start. There are a lot of programs to help spouses finish college.

   Get connected with unit spouse program but beware of earlier comment. Also just because their spouse is a certain rank doesn’t mean they have class… see earlier comment and be cautious

   Its an amazing easy life but its hard and lonely at times.

5. Don’t put yourself in a position to do something stupid. Surround yourself with like-minded military spouses that have healthy attitudes and habits. Take college courses and/or get a hobby. Embrace what time you have with them, don’t ever do anything that’ll put doubt in his mind while he is deployed/away for training – that’s the worst thing any military spouse can do.

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7. You might check over in r/USMilitarySO/ as well.

8. My spouse is not in the military, but she is a civilian contractor – which is not the same, but military adjacent (particularly as we are overseas). We experience some similar things. I think one of the first things is learning that putting down permanent roots is not usually possible. Learn to embrace and love moving. We both love traveling and take advantage of it, I see it as a permanent honeymoon. Some of my military family really make out buying and selling homes wherever they end up for 3 years. I’m not saying you need to do that, just that there are silver linings.

   The other thing I’d make a comment on – you are going to run into these people all the damned time. Don’t make enemies. I know it can be exhausting, but that B at the Commissary could turn up at your next assignment, or you might just be seeing her for a couple of years! It’s hard. You have to keep your friendships close to your chest and any dislikes even closer.

   Third, you guys have to be best friends in this process. It seems very important to me that you are one another’s confidants.

   And finally, unless and until you have children (we are child-free), you need to fan the flames of any solo activities you love and enjoy.