(35F) A couple of times, I have made previous posts about a woman(25f)I have been talking to for a month and some change.
Things were going well… at first. I haven’t heard from her since Thursday and it’s now Wednesday.
She mentioned that she was going to a trip for the rest of the week and will be coming back sometime next week(I don’t remember exactly what day). We have seen each other at least once a week prior to her trip.
After she went on her trip, two days later, I texted her on Saturday asking her if she is enjoying her trip, but didn’t get a reply. I waited till Monday to reach out to her again asking what day she comes back and I offered to get her from the airport to help out as well, still no reply. I’m unable to tell if she read my messages or not. I didn’t reach out to her again after that, so all I can do is hope I hear back from her. I wasn’t expecting to have long conversations with her while she’s on her trip, but at least reach out from time to time.
My gut feeling was starting to tell me something isn’t right, but I could be overthinking too.
Has anyone had or is having this experience when you feel something isn’t right when you don’t hear from someone for days?
What should I do if it reaches next Monday and I still don’t hear anything from her?
Edit:
I appreciate everyone’s response to my post. The more I think about what’s happening with me, the more I realize I have to move on. I spoke to a few people like 5mins ago about the situation in person and they said, “What one person won’t do, the other will do.” I think it’s best for me to talk to someone new or better yet take a break from dating and see if the right person comes along.
32 comments
In the past, I always ignored my gut. I have learned that that’s nearly always a bad idea so now I listen to it. This all said knowing that my gut is incredibly fine tuned which isn’t always the case so “follow your gut” is not always the best advice if your gut is insensitive or mistuned.
This does not sound like a gut issue though. She’s not showing interest whether that’s because she’s on a trip or not interested. You can’t control the outcome. She has seen or will see the messages. She will reply or she won’t. This is less of a feeling and more of you accepting reality.
> What should I do if it reaches next Monday and I still don’t hear anything from her?
You move on.
Always listen to your gut. It won’t mislead you. Prepare to move on.
Of course if something happened this is a different case. E.g. she has been involved in an accident, phone broke or stolen etc.
People keep forgetting that your gut is by far the better at judging social situations than anything else you have to offer. It has been trained throughout evolution to help you survive. This includes detecting danger of course, but in this case, judging social conventions. Humans depended on communities to survive and this only became less relevant the last 50 years.
I don’t know how following your gut makes any difference when someone isn’t replying to you anyway?
You either hear from her or you don’t. For your own sanity I would just proceed assuming you won’t hear from her again.
I’m a head over heart kind of person and usually dismissed my gut feelings in the past, but upon reflection they have never, ever been wrong.
I Google to make sure they didn’t die, lol
If they’re still alive, just move on. Nothing else to be done. It’s cowardly to ghost and that’s on them, it isn’t anything you did
I just wouldn’t take a relationship very seriously if someone is taking days to get back to me. Being busy is one thing, but ignoring my texts for days on end = not that into you.
Of course life is incredibly busy but it takes literally 5 minutes to text back once a day.
Every. Single. Time. I can’t help it, it’s like a compulsion. The second I feel like something is off I tell myself to chill out, talk to some friends, get them to talk me off the ledge but then the second I see them again I’m like *don’t bring it up, don’t bring it up, don’t bring it up…* “What’s this?” I’m almost always right though and often by addressing it head on without being angry we’re able to have an open discussion about it. This happens with friendships as well as relationships.
ehm.. always?
Trust your gut. It stores everything you have experienced in your life. If your gut is saying something trust it. Alot of times we ignore our gut thinking things are different but they are not.
>I wasn’t expecting to have long conversations with her while she’s on her trip, but at least reach out from time to time.
Was she aware of this expectation? Or did you assume?
What kinda trip is it? International? With people she hasn’t seen in a while?
It may very well be that she won’t be checking her phone at all while away. I kinda applaud people who can do this and focus on the people in front of them.
Hopefully she drops you a message when she gets back and you can catch up on her adventures. If not, then it’s time to move on. Remember if she does ghost – that always says more about them than you.
She isn’t into you…
I am rarely wrong with my gut but my gut is rarely optimistic so it sucks.
Your body has a very good skill of letting you know when you are in danger or a person has toxic traits you have fell victim to before.
ALWAYS
I really don’t want to say I told you so, *but actually I’m going to say it* because otherwise you’re going to be back here again in 5 weeks with the same ying-yang and that would suck.
You even tried to post something two hours ago that was “maybe my friends were right about her”
and my comment on your post about your friends not being happy enough for you – just this week! – was that your friends *do* know you, they know your history, and they might be trying to tell you something that you don’t want to hear rather than just being mean for the sake of being mean.
Trust your friends. They seem to be right. She’s… definitely getting your texts unless she’s in another country and doesn’t have access to SMS. Someone who is interested in you doesn’t ignore your offer to pick them up from the airport no matter how much bungie jumping they are doing.
Sorry 🙁 but it’s time to move on (and maybe make 27 your minimum age because – like I predicted – this is **not the way a mature adult communicates**, it’s the way an immature 20-something communicates.)
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Her leaving you on read for days makes you question things/feel anxious/not feel valued. It doesn’t make her a bad person or anything but this behavior is making you feel a way. I agree she’s probably not into you. The danger for you not “trusting your gut” is by excusing this behavior when/if she eventually hits you up again.
On Monday, you replied to a comment I wrote on your post saying:
“She has yet to give me a reason to start having second thoughts about pursuing anything with her and hopefully that doesn’t happen, but you are right about keeping a lookout for anything as well.”
Idk if that was on Monday before or after you offered to pick her up at the airport. Either way, you’d already not heard from her in 4-5 days.
Not hearing from someone you’re dating for 4-5 days is not enough of a reason to have second thoughts?!?
Listen to your gut, and your friends. This is not the girl.
Don’t let other people weight you down with anxiety, don’t get neurotic because of them. When something like this happens to me I think that I’m already single, play video games, get around, do stuff… If they come back, they came. I feel very disappointed with myself when I let other people fill me with negative feelings, I feel weak and pathetic, I try to shake it off as soon as possible.
follow your gut, that happened to me. my experience was she already got a new source of affection before she had a change of patterns in communicating with me.
I don’t know about gut feelings or not.
But when it comes to texting, if I send anyone a text they CAN respond to, I wait until they do before sending another.
I call it my “Text Volley” Theorem. If someone CAN respond to a text, and WANTS to respond to a text, they will return the serve.
If they can return and choose not to, for days and days? Well, you have one more piece of information about how they see you.
Where was the trip to? If it was out of country her phone might not work there. That being said, my gut is rarely wrong, that there’s *something* not right, but it’s rarely right about what that *something* is. So it might not be what you think, but it’s likely something.
gut feelings are underrated. gut feelings are what happens when you observe things that are important but haven’t yet consciously evaluated or thought about. don’t “go with” everything your gut says, but never ignore it. apply conscious thought on why you might have that feeling. is it unusual for her not to text back? did she give you reason to believe she isn’t fully into you? has she been unusually vague locations and time?
Speaking from personal experience I tend to go against what my gut says but I end up being wrong. So listening to my gut is all I do now since it’s usually right
Never ! Lol! I’m in therapy about it now !
It honestly sounds like you’re either being ghosted or about to get the slow fade away where they text you days later saying they were super busy.
Your best bet is to find someone that communicates with you the way that YOU want to be communicated with. I do not believe in someone going away on a trip and then going radio silent. It is easy to send someone a text at some point in the trip to let you know that they are having a great time but also thinking of you.
All the time it’s never failed me
Truthfully? Not very often. My gut feeling is almost always right, and I’m good at offering advice to others, but I have difficulty listening to my gut when it’s telling me something I don’t want to hear.
Queer woman as well here. Omfg, I swore I could have written this! I had someone ghost me after they went on vacation last month, ughhh!!!
They reached out to me a few weeks later owning that they up and left/wasn’t in a good headspace to date, but then they never solidified making plans, so I chalked it up to them not having their shit together & their lack of interest/change of heart.
I’m sorry this happened.
Always. If you feel weird about something, follow that gut feeling.
I’m highly intuitive, like I read tarot cards professionally online.
Every
Single
Time
I follow my “gut” feeling.
After reading your post I think you’re over thinking. Shes on a trip, she may not have service or she may be having fun
If you aren’t committed, she doesn’t owe you a response.
I rarely text men while I’m on vacation, because it’s vacation.
There’s always so many posts on here from people asking if they should continue following up with someone they haven’t met or only met once because the person is taking “a long trip.” I do not think the majority of these mysterious busy jetsetters people were planning to go on 2nd dates. They’re usually either using the vacation as an implied sign that they don’t want contacted, which people ignore, or they’re not even on vacation and are just really awkward about rejecting people.
It is a very good idea to listen to our guts. The gut feelings are there for a reason and are very often right.