Never used reddit before so I apologize if I’m not doing something right. My boyfriend (I’ll call him Corey) and I have been dating for about 8 months and we have been close friends for longer. Corey is my best friend and we always tell each other everything no matter what. We always listen to each other’s thoughts, worries, problems. Corey has always been a very cautious and worried person, he tells me to stay away from other guys and he is very strict on me making other guy friends. I comply with it because I don’t particularly like having guy friends and spending time with guys either, since I’ve always just been awkward and can never get comfortable around them. Corey complains often of his “what if” situations he stirs up and I am always reassuring him that I will not cheat on him. He has never had an experience of being cheated on by an ex, but he does have trauma from his parents relationship and their affairs. I believe this is part of the root of his diagnosed anxiety and depression (He also may be getting tested for BPD soon). Recently, I have started becoming friends with a guy, which doesn’t happen very often (I will call him Kyle). Me and Kyle get along well and we met in one of my classes. He never approached me with intent of getting my number or anything with romantic or sexual interest. Every time I have had a guy friend, they usually have lasted a year or less and I have never had one for more than a year. Corey constantly worries over Kyle now and I have reassured Corey that he is just a friend that I needed to have in my class to get through coursework when I needed any help (I’m not very social and I had made no other friends in that class). Corey hasn’t seemed overwhelmingly upset over Kyle so I kind of brush it off and just reassure Corey when he needs it. Two nights ago, we had a small argument over Kyle and the topic of me making more guy friends and after the heat of the argument died down, Corey began asking questions like “If you had to fuck a guy who wasn’t me, who would it be?” and other sexual questions that had to do with other men. I would respond saying things like I would never have sex with another man, I only love you. He started getting specific to sexual questions about Kyle and scenarios of sexual acts that I would do with him. He stopped with the questions and we proceeded to get more intimate. As we were in the beginning of fucking, he started to ask me to say Kyle’s name. I complied in the heat of the moment because of how horny I saw him getting thinking about it. He finished very fast and after relaxing and cuddling together in bed for a few minutes, I asked him why he liked that so much. Corey told me he didn’t know why and he hated himself for it and he didn’t understand why it turned him on so much. I don’t know what to do of this situation and I want to understand why this is happening in my boyfriend’s head?
23 comments
r/hotwifelifestyle
Porn addiction! Know the signs!!!
You have one question to answer: am I going to live my life in constant suspicion?
Lots of people get turned on by things the would never want to actually happen in real life. The forbidden things can creep out of the back of our minds with sex for some reason. This could open a door to some really erotic breakthroughs for you guys. Or be a sign of serious issues. Only one way to find out though.
It sounds like he has some fantasies along that line. Whether or not he’d actually act on them is something else. He also strikes me as someone very insecure. Talk to him and tell him while role playing is okay, you only want him. That if he wants more than that you don’t think you can do it.
Use this talk to express yourself in what you want too. Maybe, you have some fantasies you’d like to try with him. You both need to open up to how you feel about each other and your desires sexually.
This is just my opinion okay.. I feel like your boyfriend insecurities and suspicions about you and Kyle is making him obsessed with Kyle in a way that he became Kyle during that sex. I can’t understand why he enjoyed it though.. He really needs therapy
Like someone mentioned, it’s a defence mechanism to shell oneself from being cheated on. He feels you ll eventually cheat and hence.
But isn’t it surprising that the timing of your new friendship and his revelation are not healthy.
As in you are just feeding his fears. You are simply doing the very thing that screws him up. If you want a healthy relationship, I suggest he sorts out his issues. This is no joke ok. You may not prepare but the idea of kyle will screw his mental state and you might lose him. You guys needs a mature talk asap considering you want to become stronger.
In his traumatic mind, due to his parent s affairs, he feels that betrayal is inevitable and hence he needs to protect himself from them in ways he can manage. I feel sad for him .
Prioritise Corey absolutely over kyle and make him meet him too.
8 months? Damn just break up it ain’t worth it
This smells like therapy required. This guy doesn’t even need anyone else, he’s breaking himself down better than any bully I’ve ever seen.
Your bf sounds controlling and you are doing a lot to manage his feelings when he should be the one in charge of his feelings. That’s not a healthy relationship.
As for in his head about him wanting you to say Kyle – my thought is there be dragons down l going down that route with an insecure bf.
It’s generally an insecurity and a way of making themselves feel like they have control over their partner cheating on them, feels insecure you like Kyle and he’s not up to snuff – it can be an obsessive thought.
The immense guilt and disgust in one’s self after is telling. Disgust and arousal can get their wires crossed, especially when they’re vulnerable about infidelity.
Just say no thanks, explain why it makes you uncomfortable and that he’s safe in the relationship. Maybe point him in the direction of stuff to read on it
He’s insecure. Maybe he’s found a kink. Maybe he’s afraid he’s losing you. Needy? Yes.
When it comes to sex and relationships things can get weird. Life’s messy.
If you can handle it, stay. If not, go.
Sounds like oP might be the one who’s into this.. be careful how much advice you give to this one.
He has trauma surrounding his parents cheating and is scared you’ll do the same. His brain has created a defense mechanism and caused him to become aroused by the idea of cheating. Our brains are weird. They attempt to protect us from trauma by making it pleasurable.
Also be careful, this could turn on a dime, and he could hate Kyle, the thought of him and turn it on you. Stop this immediately. Just read a reddit where the man suggested another man, and then it destroyed the couple he got jealous. The man who suggested it. He may be turned on and feel like he has some control over the situation this way….without knowing that is what he is doing. Something is wrong with boyfriend.
Your relationship is more toxic than the water in Flint, Michigan.
Weird thought but what if your boyfriend is lowkey a little gay… being turned on by you saying Kyles name? Asking what you would do with Kyle? He definitely also has some trauma to work through, but this is just a theory
After you fix this relationship with your boyfriend, please fix your relationship with paragraphs.
We often get turned on by things we fear.
He has summer latent homosexual feelings. Sharing a woman is one way to act in then without actually having sex with a guy.
Umm I understand it can be a kink but also trauma or also trauma-related kink. Soooo idk
Degrading kink
Suggest a threesome