So this morning husband and I were in bed hugging and kissing and generally enjoying a little us time. Things have been a little strained recently so this was very much welcomed.
My husband is not the most forward man when it comes to displaying his emotions, he rarely tells me he loves me (he feels it devalues it to repeat it constantly), isn’t hugely touchy feely, and never compliments me in a day to day kinda way. This all paints a very negative image which is not my intention but it goes towards showing why mornings like this are so valued and important to me. In all other things he is brilliant and responsive and supportive, but I would love to have more of these mornings and to hear more I love yous and more compliments. I actually asked once why he doesn’t compliment me and he said he thinks it but doesn’t think to say it.
Anyway, we were enjoying this snuggle time and as he does when we are like this he gets free with his emotions and words and he told me he loves me. I smiled and said it back, I know he doesn’t say it often but when he does he means it and its heartfelt. We kissed and cuddled a bit more and he looked at me again and said, ‘you are so beautiful.’ I just kinda looked down and shook my head. He said, ‘yes you are’ and I burst out crying.
Aside from ruining the moment, why can I believe him when he says he loves me, but not when he complimented me? So yesterday I made a but of an effort with my appearance with makeup etc and I don’t think he even noticed, let alone complimented me. And I know that it was said when I was au naturel and so I should have appreciated that more than the makeup based one, but I just couldn’t accept it.
I have self esteem issues which I know are mine to address and I’m not trying to make him responsible, but why couldn’t I accept it? I dunno what I’m looking for here, I was just so suprised by my response considering I want more compliments from him and that’s what I got.
4 comments
It’s obviously something you’ve been missing and craving for awhile. Some are more affectionate than others and in how they show it. Some want and or need more than others. With that said, I’m sorry it hit so hard. It also sounds like things have become too “normal” if that makes sense? After almost 16yrs now we’ve had to change things up here and there. “Spice things up” type of deal. We’re both also very affectionate. Honestly I think I get more happiness from telling her she’s beautiful than she does hearing it. When’s the last time you two just randomly took a drive for a date night and went with it? We’ve had some great times doing that.
I think you missed the picture. I think he meant you’re beautiful inside and out. Sometimes men are slow to realize when we make the effort. You guy seems more like a feeler than a noticer if that makes sense. Either way it’s sweet. You get each other. Treasure that.
You said it yourself, you have self-esteem issues. That’s why you can’t accept when he (or anyone) compliments you.
He might be the type of person who unable to express his love publicly, at least the way he tells you in private is honest and genuine. He loves you for who you are, the appearance perhaps are not his concern. Maybe ask him to write a letter to express his feeling for you, and the same to you as well. I hope this could work.
Love him the way he is, as he does to you.