Hey guys, I’ve been doing therapy for about a year. And I’ve been considering getting a new therapist. I’m On the fence with this decision And I’m curious about what you guys think?
Basically I don’t think my therapist understands Me. When I first went to go see him, I wanted to learn social skills and address some truma in my life. He seemed to listen at first but he started to say that I was more sensitive than others. He then called me an introvert. His reason was that since I wasn’t very social, I had to be introverted. And most interverts are sensitive. Well the problem was that I wasn’t really introverted. Sure I can be quiet at times but other times I can be loud. I also love to hang in loud environments. I hate being alone and personally like being around others.
The other problem I found is that he never address that I wasn’t good at connecting with others. It’s a pattern in my life that I can’t make friends. Like I’m not shy but I seriously suck at getting people to hang. People get turned off by me very quickly. This has also spilled into my dating life.
Well, the only advice I was given was not everyone is going to like you. And rejection isn’t personal. The problem here is that literally everyone rejects me and people have admitted that I’m come off awkward. So I felt like I should work on it. But he said it didn’t mattered.
Idk, I feel like I get advice from others on reddit than my therapist. He also seems as if he doesn’t truly get why cannot connect with others. He simply says I’m introverted and than changes the subject. He also has called me shy and told me that women like shy guys. Yet he gives no strategies of understanding others.
So what do you guys think?
7 comments
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Introversion isn’t about how loud or quiet you are, it’s about your “social battery”. An introvert may enjoy socializing, but they lose energy in those situations. They need to “recharge” by being in a quiet/low energy environment.
Extroverts, on the other hand, gain energy from social situations and lose energy from low energy environments.
An ambivert is someone who is part introvert and part extrovert.
The therapeutic alliance with your mental health practitioner is vital to having a positive outcome from the experience. Y’all need to be on the same page in regards to treatment plans and goals. If you’re not working together to achieve your desired results, you’re wasting each other’s time. I suggest talking to them during next session about these concerns. They’ll either ramp up their efforts or may refer you to someone more suitable for you.
I’ve been seeing MH practitioners for about 40 years now. If it isn’t working out with them, there are others you may click with better.
>Sure I can be quiet at times but other times I can be loud. I also love to hang in loud environments. I hate being alone and personally like being around others.
He may have heard so much about your social issues that he got a distorted view of your social orientation. Have you pointed these things out to him, and what is his response?
Its worth nothing that introverts can also love socializing at times, but tend to prefer more alone time for recharging than other people even if they desire to be around others some of the time.
Sometimes a therapist just doesn’t work out and its best for you to get a second opinion or directly confront your therapist with your problems.
>Well, the only advice I was given was not everyone is going to like you. And rejection isn’t personal. But he said it didn’t mattered.
Your therapist is a licensed mental health expert not a social experts so you can take his social advice with a grain of salt.
You didn’t provide any details about these social interactions so I can only provide some common issues:
1. Neglecting your appearance.
2. Being too clingy.
3. Being too approval seeking.
4. Being too negative, critical or giving advice too much.
5. Hanging out with incompatible people.
6. Talking too much and not listening enough.
7. Talking about your own interests too much instead of theirs.
8. Mental health issues can affect the way you come off socially.
9. Getting too personal too quickly or never getting personal at all.
10. Being unaware of social scripts for starting a conversation, small talk, and ending a conversation.
11. Not having empathy for others or paying attention to their relations.
12. Coming off as lacking confidence.
13. Lacking good humor.
14. Living a boring life.
15. Seeing socializing as worth rather than having fun.
16. Having a lot of social anxiety.
A therapist is someone who studied in books with no personal experiences
Try someone new buy can you tell your current one you need a break from therapy just in case you decided to go back to him??
you said you can’t connect with people and can’t make friends, plus you’ve been called awkward before. do you feel like this no matter what you change? do you think there’s any possibility that you could be on the spectrum? it could explain a lot.
LEAVE HIM NOW !!
If you have a gut feeling he is no good, You may be right !!
Many “therapists” are not qualified, or they are crazy….
I read the Andrew Solomon book on depression: he gives
the best advice “NEVER go to a therapist You don’t like”