You wait you lose, and then you sit, cry and break your hand

So my life has been always like, I’ve asked out plenty of girls but never been able to ask out the girl that I geniunely liked, I always waited for the perfect time to ask them out.

And ended up either seeing them get into relationship with someone else, get friendzoned by them or third wheeled their relationship.

I wanted this all to change in college, there was this girl in my class that I reallt liked, but every time around her I got nervous, I struggled to talk to her so I started avoiding her, because it was really hard to have a conversation and I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or make myself look like a creep.

So I waited for the perfect opportunity before the summer holiday’s were about to begin but I couldn’t I missed my chance.

When I returned from the holiday’s, I had this in my mind that this girl is my only chance, I can’t stay like this, I can’t keep losing women I like just because I’m scared of what people might think.

I told myself if I lose this women I will never be able to forgive myself ever again, I can’t let this keep happening.

But just two day’s back, I saw her in our college making out with a dude in a corner, I could hear my heart shatter, but I tried my best to keep my cool, I went to my room ragging punching my wall and cupboard.

And now I have a crack in my dorm room wall, broke cupboard and a fracture in my hand, but why, why can’t I, why do I keep losing, I have the rage to hurt myself but not the confidence to talk to a specific girl just because I like her.