Anyone know they have built up anger, but can’t feel it? I’ve had a pretty shitty childhood, I grew up with 2 other siblings but really only know my older brother. From the horrible way we were raised my brother took the route of drugs and crime and I joined the military and I’m headed to medical school. The only thing is. I’ve never gone to a therapist, I’ve never really dealt with what I had done to me as a child. But to me I feel like it doesn’t bother me. I have this feeling though that I just have this insane built up anger inside of me that I fear will release one day. I generally a happy very easy going guy. This just worries me a little bit. How do I deal with this. How do I deal with the anger I can’t actively feel.
12 comments
You work out. Put that aggression into something positive.
Therapy. Tldr: forgive. It’s to your well being, not for the people who damaged you.
Boxing or mma.
I’m not gonna lie, I have no idea. It feels like it’s gonna Burst open. I get that sinking feeling in my chest, the brain fog, and I just sit with it, trying to keep my composure at work or around family.
Write letters to your soul….dear soul, today is the 7th November….heres how im enjoying each sector of my life…then write write write…no one has to read them, or best no one does really
Fk therapists, they just do the same thing then charge you for it
Power of the pen bro ☑️
You say it doesn’t worry you but I think you don’t want to accept the vulnerability you feel there – you absolutely do worry about it, and you’re dealing with it over the question of anger here. Would you say you struggle with emotion/behavior when something stressful or demanding occurs? There must be something that you are concerned about, since this is on your radar. Is that just anxiety? Or reasonable concern over what skills you might have not learned or had reinforced as a child? Therapy is a great way to explore the questions and concerns you have, there are some well trained and insightful (empathetic) professionals out there.
Meditate. Not the religious kind. But the kind where you go to a nice mountain overlooking a beach and can see the sunset. Preferably where there aren’t too many people. Then your mind starts to talk to you.
I was like this few years ago. I started to train boxing, and a sandbag at home helps
Step 1: End the contradiction. How do you know there is anger, when you don’t feel any? Maybe could it be that you expected that it would make you angry but you found to your own surprise that you are not?
Step 2: Accept what is. If what happened doesn’t seem to bother you because you turned out to be someone you would say is a respectable man, I’d say you moved on by overcoming it. It might seem too good to be true that you turned out so well “against all odds” but it happens. Look closely at yourself – Are you broken now? If not, good on you, you went through some kind of personal hell and emerged stronger than before.
Step 3: Precautions. If you seriously think that there is something lurking within you that has cultivated to be a “greater evil”, take precautions. If you fear that the wrong circumstances could turn you on the path your brother did, plan ahead so that you do not need to think rationally in these situations but can claw your way out on the path you have laid out for yourself. Identify what circumstances may put you into that situation and prepare for them.
I think the answer has been given a few times. Seeking psychotherapy. Unfortunately psychiatry seems to have largely become pharmacologic intervention so you should probably try to see a clinical psychologist. If there is some need for meds they can also refer you to someone to help with that.
What you are describing may be similar to what happened to me. I had a harsh childhood. One of two early childhood memories I have is lying in bed thinking that I could go to the kitchen and get a knife and stab my father in the chest while he was sleeping. Freud would have a field day with that. But the motivation was really that he was so mean. He wasn’t an evil man, just never overcame his demons. He treated us like he was treated as a boy.
During grade school I learned to repress my anger, not consciously, it just disappeared. I lost feelings good and bad. Repression is a child’s defense mechanism though, doomed to fail. For me it failed spectacularly when I was 19. That was both the worst and best thing that ever happened to me. It was good because I was able to start over and build the person I wanted to be.
I think I became much more capable academically afterwards. Before that there was so much mental energy tied up in repressing everything. Afterwards, when I was an undergrad, I didn’t have to go to class. I would just borrow somebody’s notes and skim through them once before a test. I learned pretty quickly I could do the same thing in med school.
I don’t know if you are in same boat as I was. Maybe with therapy you can resolve your childhood issues without losing your mind.
I drink
Oh, I’m saving it.