Looking for advice on what to focus on as I start my 30s. In my 20s I was very goal oriented, got married, got a house, got six figure pay check and ducks lined up to have kids soon. At the same time, I assumed that 30s would be a “double down?” on those things? But now I’m here and honestly have no clue what to do next.
There seem to be a lot of posts for “turning 30 midlife crisis” because of not reaching goals, but any of you achieve the goals and go “shit, never thought what would happen past here?” And then still have a midlife crisis? Haha, maybe I just need to start a family as I am feeling very ready and excited to become a dad and maybe that takes so much time I won’t have any spare time leftover to worry anyways.
My hunch outside of starting a family is expanding relationships. I have friends who are super career-oriented and successful, but very busy and hard to stay consistent with. I have friends that have prioritized family over career, but also tend to be busy with kids and friends of theirs who have kids. My single friends are easiest to hang and chill with, but aren’t in a spot to double date or anything like that. No friends who seem they are in a similar stage of life as me.
Any advice? I guess fitness, hobbies, family, friends all seem so routine, is that what life is all about in 30s? I’m happily married and want kids soon, so I can’t do any wild far reaching goals, but curious what that balance should be when I’m still young.
7 comments
Sounds like you should have a kid and just enjoy life. You’ve pretty much got it made.
You could pick a new goal (getting in better shape, learning a musical instrument and/or a foreign language, starting a passion project, picking up a sport or hobby), but by no means do you always have to be hustling just for the sake of hustling. Being content is its own reward.
Having time to spend with your kid(s) is a golden blessing. Treasure it.
1. Accumulate capital. When you start to hit 40, you’ll have less absolute energy to do it. Note that capital doesn’t mean just money. I like Pierre Bourdiieu’s Theory of Capital: [https://home.iitk.ac.in/~amman/soc748/bourdieu_forms_of_capital.pdf](https://home.iitk.ac.in/~amman/soc748/bourdieu_forms_of_capital.pdf) . If you think of your body and quality friend count as capital, you’ll start to notice how you get happier accumulating better results there.
2. From a divorced person who is looking at marriage a second time, don’t let your body go or other things that make you less desirable. Keep being a person that is your version of desirable: for your self esteem, for your partner, for your future self.
3. There is no purpose in life unless you make purpose. Doing something grand will require a lot out of you but the memory is fulfilling. If you move somewhere new, all the routine stuff there will feel novel and adventurous for the medium term. Travel, see what another life could look like. Think about what the optimal environment for the two of you would be like.
Just try to be present. What you are going through is a perfect example of why you should make right now the most important thing. You spend your 20s focusing on trying to reach all your goals, but doesn’t seem like you learned to be present. Doesn’t matter if you achieve any goals or make any more goals. You will only ever have right now.
Investment, health, start securing your retirement, have kids, disregard everything that does no benefit to you, your family or loved ones.
Since your pretty much there, I’ll just go ahead and say have a child.
I have a two years old and you need energy for it. Doesn’t matter if your physically fit, I mean mentally. Plus get the first year of the child out the way. Your new adventure starts with having a child.
I’d say get all your vacation done and get all those partying feeling out. Drain it all out.
If it were me I would tell you to start focusing on fitness. You’re not gonna get any younger but you may still try to do the physical things you did in your 20s and that generally doesn’t work out very well. Pick one hobby that you enjoy and put your time and money into that. You may find it frustrating if you have four or five different hobbies competing for your time and energy.
Financial independence.
Get all debts gone, so that you have true freedom to change your life as you see fit.
Nothing sucks more than having to trudge along in a job you’ve grown to dislike only because you need the income to maintain what you’ve built.
Give yourself the ability to tell your employer to pound sand.
Even if you never feel compelled to do so, it’s a great place to be, emotionally.
Work-life balance is a lot easier if you don’t feel financially coerced into accepting less.