So two friends and I decided to go to a museum together this evening, and then afterwards get dinner with someone else. We get to the restaurant, and then one of my friend’s friends, who I have met before and like well enough, shows up to join us. Was not aware she was coming but totally fine, more the merrier. But towards the end of dinner they start talking about all their plans together to do all these things, without inviting anyone present (and actually explicitly told my friend that he couldn’t join them because there is a guest list at some thing next week). Afterwards, they have plans to go out/continue the night but again, no one else is invited.
I didn’t say anything or react but am I being overly sensitive in finding this kind of annoying? Like maybe they already had these plans, totally fine. If she had told me beforehand, “oh yeah, I have other plans with so and so at night after we go to the museum,” I wouldn’t really have cared at all. But somehow, I felt kind of awkward and left out that this other friend would unexpectedly join us and then cut off the rest of the night from there.
I’m just kind of annoyed with this friend in general since I kind of feel like she’s not very reliable (always late to things, flakey, etc.) and clearly prefers hanging out with this other person. Which is fine, everyone has their preferences/is closer with some people than others. But I just feel kind of uncomfortable with how obvious it is in situations like these, if that makes sense. Am I being unreasonable?
3 comments
I think it’s reasonable to be annoyed or hurt given they chatted about plans together right in front of you, and didn’t invite anyone else. It’s true that it’s healthy for friends to have other friends, but this kind of explicit exclusion never sat right with me, and I’ve been there a few times too. They should have made additional plans with each other privately maybe, and not throw it out there in front of everyone else.
Sounds like: hey yall come keep me company til my friend gets here so just us 2 can go out.
That and with you thinkin the friend is flaky and stuff, I’d drop em. I don’t put up with being a “convenient” friend
I know everyone else commenting on this is telling you that she’s being disrespectful in this situation, however, in my view making plans for AFTER your meet was over is fine, inviting her friend to hang out with you guys without asking (privately) isn’t.
But, making plans without you is completely fine, the girl doesn’t know you and she shouldn’t need to get to know you. She should’ve kept it short and snappy though:
“Oh hey, didn’t expect to see you here, I’m with my friends so I can’t talk for long, but would you like to catch up later today?”
Much more suitable.