What should you do if you feel frustrated because you never had girlfriend?

32 comments

  2. Think about what exactly is frustrating you. Is it e perception of you, is it the companionship, sex, …

  3. Just be patient and work on becoming the best version of yourself. Girls will then come to you. If you don’t, you’ll jump on the first girl that shows interest, whether she’s high quality or not.

  4. Think about what you need from it exactly, why i feel frustrated.
    Is it a feeling of inadequacy, like i’m not complete because i don’t/can’t have a partner?

    Do i feel like i can’t function alone, need someone to help/heal me in my current state?

    Am i missing intimacy, sex and the closeness to someone, but am i also ready to commit and compromise for a person, which isn’t always easy – a relationship always looks great and easy from the outside, but it is a LOT of work.

    While all those are very valid feelings, i feel like when it is the upper two, the person needs to work on themselves in the first place, because those feelings won’t get solved by a partner – and shouldn’t.

    As for the third – it explains itself. It’s nice to have someone like that, but it doesn’t come without resposibilities.

    And as most guys here complain that it’s all about looks they don’t have: it isn’t. It’s about your character and your standards, period.

  5. Look in the mirror – > ask yourself what’s “wrong with you” – > can it be fixed? :
    – No, accept it and embrace it
    – Yes, work on yourself and fix it

    -> Repeat the process

    This problems could be:
    – you’re not fit (too skinny ir too fat): hit the gym
    – you’re broke: work to make money
    – you have mental problems (depression/anxiety… Etc) : see a therapist
    – social anxiety/ bad communication skills: go out and talk to people and see a therapist
    … Etc

    It is a grind man.

  6. Judging from your post history you have a lot of shit to get straight before any woman worth a shit is going to be interested.

    No one wants a dead weight for a partner.

  7. Make the most of being a single guy, travel, go do whatever hobbies you love, maybe try working out to help your confidence

  9. It helps to know there are many young men struggling just as much as you. Myself included.

    Keep working on yourself, be the fittest, strongest (emotionally and physically), smartest and most well educated you can be.

    Every girl who rejects you will one day regret that, that’s the best attitude you can have.

  11. This is going to be awkward to hear.

    So take a deep breath

    What are you doing, that is fun for you, that puts you in a place where meeting people is the norm?

    I don’t care what it is.

    Are you actually out and about?

    Sometimes finding a person involves making friends.
    New friends have their own friends. And if you source from a pool where there are common interests….. Possibilities expand.

  13. Honestly, I’m more sad than frustrated.

    I think everyone needs at least to feel liked they’re loved or even liked.

    But I know in the end that most of my problems are caused by me, but the thing is that even when I try to fix up things, they go wrong.

    The worse thing I guess is self-judgment. You feel like you don’t care about other people’s judgement, because you are equal to them.

    But, if you are equal, why you can’t do a thing that most people can do easily?

    Other thing (that might be polemic) is the imbalance of trying to be in a relationship. If you are of a certain age, most women in your age has had like, 5 or 4 relationships, and not even counting casual sex or random dating.

    So, most women will be way more experienced than you, and some of then can even mock you for that (I saw it happen personally to my brother), or they can treat you in a weird paternalizing way (saw it happen to my brother too)

    Most people will openly judge you and even disrespect you (happened to me twice), but the lack of self respect is the worse thing.

    Sometimes I feel like I’m really subhuman, even knowing that I’m not, but in some way, I know that I don’t.

  14. Looking at your post, I think you need friends first before a girlfriend.
    I assume you are struggling with mental health issues.
    I know you might feel like nothing is working at the moment eventhough you’ve tried.

    Why don’t start first with building a healthy habit?
    1. Take a walk/workout
    2. Eating healthy, avoid alcohol
    3. Finding hobby, enjoy social groups that involve hobbies.
    4. Travel & meet people in the hostel/fellow backpackers
    5. Make circle of friends. Since you mentioned you like boardgames, organise routine boardgame nights. Etc.
    6. Get a pet. Cats/dogs do wonder to your mental health. My cats were my saviours. I lost count how many times they saved me when my mental health spiralling down.

    We are social creatures. There’s no escape of this. Heck even now we are on reddit because it’s a community. I am an introvert with social anxiety myself. I do not have many friends & have trouble making one. But I figured meeting new people without any expectations helps with widening my social circle.
    I take it one person at a time. If we clicked, we’ll become acquaintances/friends, if not, I take it just as another coffee/talking session.
    I also attend Human Library event, to just talk with strangers, to get to know some other people and unlearning & learning about certain topics.

    You’re lonely. You need social support to find motivation to live & exploring life. A girlfriend won’t solve your problem. Socialising, will.

  15. Taking up hobbies which introduce you to new people is good. Build a social life around people with shared interests and you’ll fight the frustration on two fronts; you’ll distract yourself and you’ll also open yourself up to the likelihood of meeting someone.

  17. Realize that it’s not entirely your fault. Sure you can improve yourself in every facet of your life but the dating game is rigged against men. It’s like trying to win the lottery, it’s next to impossible. Especially if you’re just an average or below average looking guy. Men are obsolete to most women in 2022. They don’t need us to protect or provide for them anymore so they have become insanely picky about who they get with. Looks are king and that’s primarily what they look for. In terms of what you should do about your frustration, I would say understand that you aren’t alone and that you’re trying to win a game where the odds are stacked against you. All you can do is become your best self and make a few good friends or get close with a few family members so you aren’t overwhelmed with loneliness. The truth is many men will never get a woman these days. Many guys are being weeded out of the dating pool. Find meaning and purpose in your life without women and you’ll be much better off long term.

  18. Find out what your passions are (outside of sexual gratification of a woman) and pursue those. Become absorbed with these grandeurs. Let getting a woman be secondary. Women like to see men living their goals and working to attain them. Don’t make a woman your main goal.

  19. This was me for a very long part of my life. I found that caring less about it made dating easier. I got through my virginity by hiring a prostitute that really took her time and made me feel great. That got over that hump pretty quick. Next I quit drinking entirely and started taking the gym much more seriously. I found rock climbing preferable to weight lifting (my body type is a very small guy). Next I started traveling so I could burn through some of my money and get experience different from home. Lastly I got way more picky about who I would date. I know that sounds counter intuitive but I was having trouble with women essentially dragging me on forever then ghosting. I started pursuing women who showed more than a casual interest in me on the first or second date. Been married for 2 years, together for 5. Prior to that I had a five year relationship. My only two lady friends but that’s all I’ve needed. Very happy man

  20. Ill go out and say that being single is definitely better than being with a bad partner. And despite hige mind reddit always saying how easy it is to break up, in reality its not and a lot of the time people get stuck.

    Maybe the universe is doing you a favour by not sending someone your way because it would end very poorly. The same way losing your keys and being late might prevent you from getting in a tragic car accident.

    The grass is always greener, and yes being lonely sucks, but its better than being gas lit or emotionally abused.

  21. Be a good friend. Try to find something you are passionate about, such as playing an instrument, a sport, yoga, gaming group, and so on. You will meet people who share your passion. They will find you attractive because of your active, caring personality.
    If no one wants you, at least now you have a better lifestyle.

  22. Realize that there are millions of men and women all around the world who are in the same boat.

    Dating apps, which are the most popular way to meet people now, suck on purpose because there’s no profit in maximizing users’success because they will stop using the app. In addition to the skewed gender ratio on them which they are unwilling to address.

  23. Adjust your expectations and standards. Go to therapy and work on yourself. Use all your free time to develop cool skills and talents like cooking, learning a new language or instrument, riding a unicycle, parkour, painting, or writing poetry or fiction. Travel and become more worldly.

  24. I can relate to your frustration, OP. Unfortunately I used to be sad and a bit resentful that any attempts for me to get into a relationship were halted through ghosting or getting friendzoned.
    It made me feel lonely and that I was doomed to being alone forever.

    I also needed serious therapy then, and I got it eventually. It changed my life, took away depression and anxiety I’ve had for a long time. Ever since then I’ve prioritized my mental health above anything else. I slowly started working out more, and eventually I got into a solid routine of regularly excercising, and taking care of myself first and foremost. My confidence has skyrocketed, and I’m able to make friends and not feel lonely without the cloud of depression over me. And through all that I’ve loved myself more, and can easily can into a relationship if I chose to look out for that, though I’m content with being single.

    Like others have pointed out, your post history shows you should definitely get therapy. If you want a relationship, you need to prioritize your mental health first and foremost because dating is hard. The only times dating would’ve worked out for me personally was when my mental health was at its peak.

    There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you’ve never been with a girl. Dating today is very hard and the game has changed. It’s not some cure all to lonliness or your self esteem. If you want that, working on yourself is key. And if you get rejected or ghosted that’s good because ethe more you learn to take rejection the better that experience will help you in the next go around.

    I’m also a CS major too, man. If you ask me, you’re miles ahead in the dating scene automatically with the salary you’d be making after college. You just need to take a deep breathe and make sure you’re in the state of mind to be able to date. Don’t be frustrated about it because it’s hard, and there’s no shame in being single or having no experience in dating. Good luck mate.

  25. Accept that nobody owes you a relationship. Also learn to be comfortable being alone. Coming from another guy who never had a girlfriend.

  26. just make friends with girls with no expectation of intimacy, enjoy their company without any expectation beyond friendship. this is how relationships start, friends being friends without head games, expectation, or manipulation.

  27. One thing a lot of men need to understand and know when they’re young is that you ain’t shit until you hit your 30-40-50s+ because men are born without value and we have to build it up and that doesn’t happen until that age range. Women are different, they’re born with their value (i.e they’re eggs, viscus innards) and they decrease in value the more men shes with. As sexist as it sounds that’s how it is man, start working out, getting your money up, get a car, the small things first bro. I’m 24 and I still don’t have my license, I’m paying off my first car still, I live with my mom again because I had to move back because of family issues, point is man you won’t be perfect and you got to disillusion yourself that anyone ever will be. I’m trying to get my own business up and running, I work 5-6 days a week, get no time off (holidays, etc) but that’s how it’s supposed to be in your teens to 20s bro, and once you accept that you’re a fucking loser at this age man, it can be hard to hear brother but once you do you’ll thank me later.

  28. I recommend making friends, and letting things develop from there. If you fail, you’ll still have friends.

    Make it your goal to enjoy yourself with another person and having a great time. Not a sex speedrun or anything else like that.

    I’m not sure if love without friendship can exist, if it can be found reliably, if it’s stable, or if it’s what you need.

    Life is much better when you are socializing every now and then. Romantic relationships is just the cherry on top.

  29. Honestly working out, and reading philosophy is super helpful. If you become a good, strong, and confident person you’ll probably meet someone really nice. (It worked for me)

  30. Step 1: buy a lot of fertilizer but in small amounts over time as not to attract federal attention

  31. Fucking pain dude. I’m sorry.
    Now look. A continued pointed effort is gonna go a long way. But some notes.

    Your rejection hump is going to be heavy and real. It’s gonna hurt. You’ll feel like a rejected piece of shit, not worthy of love/affection. But, you gotta be willing to eat those numbers and not quit. Note on that later.

    Talk to girl WITHOUT having the intention of dating them. Just talk. Just chit chat. Everytime you see them. See how it goes. Actively reevaluate your interactions and think about what you could have done better. What you wish you woulda done. How she responded to different things.

    Do that, all the time. Some of the time. Try and get a number. Not just with girls your interested in. Don’t worry about dating yet. You’re working on social interactions and developing an accurate feel for whether or not someone’s interested in you.

    Get a bunch of numbers over time. You’re not trying to date these girls. Doesn’t matter if you’re attracted or not. Just.. get numbers. Then talk. Chit chat. Hang out with a few doing some friend activity. Possibly, something will develop. But that’s not the goal. You’re working on social skills here.

    After you have.. 20 numbers and you actively and you’ve hung out with 10 of them as a friend.. now you do the same thing you’ve been doing.. but with girls you’re interested in.

    Girls. Not one. Try and get a few going. If you haven’t been dating and you put all your eggs in one basket, it’s gonna be a bad day. The dating scene now is ghost heavy. People just stop talking alot. Don’t take it hard.. but spread out your efforts. Also nothing turns a girl off like desperation/neediness.

    I wouldn’t do online dating.

    Underlying all of that.. you need to make yourself marketable. Exercise. Get 1-3 hobbies. Have a job. Write out your opinions on things.. so you can talk about if they come up. Preferably get a hobby that brings you in contact with girls you might be attracted to.

    Back to that note on rejection. You have alot coming up. MOST guys experience alot of rejection. That’s just reality man, you gotta let that shit go. Most guys aren’t honest about just how much rejection they experience. So don’t get hung up on it.

    Loneliness hurts man. Really it does. And the worst part is, it also stains you. Girls can pick out a lonely guy and it’s a big turn off. It means no one’s wants you. Which means they shouldn’t. And it seeps into your social skills/interactions. You need to train your social skills to not say “I’m lonely and looking for affection.” And that’s what that whole first part is gonna do.

    You only lose when you quit. You’ll get there if you don’t. Promise.

    **oh. Important note too. Girls can fucking smell intent. And if you want them, your a predator if they aren’t ready for that. That’s why it’s important you don’t intend to date the girls in the first part of this.**

  32. Women are not all sunshine and rainbows. Having them around is cool when it’s cool. But there’s also a lot of annoying shit that comes along with it that you don’t deal with when you’re single

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