It’s my bday today. On my husband’s bday a month ago, I bought him a $300 gift, made him dinner, did dishes, made his fav cookies, and then did the dishes for that. I also got him a thoughtful card.
I told him he didn’t need to get me an expensive gift this bday but that I’d like for him to do stuff for me like dishes, fold my laundry, etc. Over the weekend we did some things I wanted to do like go to dinner, spend time with my family, and go to a comedy show.
Today, I worked all day while he had the day off and did stuff on his car. He then made dinner, which is his usual responsibility, and then afterwards asked if I would do the dishes! I got really upset with this. I feel like I got him an expensive gift plus took care of everything on his bday and then he does this on mine, when it was was the one thing I asked for.
He says he’s already done a lot for my bday over the weekend, which makes zero sense. We went out to eat all nights so no having to make dinner. I paid to have the house cleaned, so no cleaning. The one thing he did was fold my laundry and tolerate my family.
Am I overreacting/being unreasonable?
11 comments
This does sound kinda petty. Sounds like it’s about more than dishes for sure. Do you normally not feel important to him? I’d think that yes yall did do alot over the weekend. I wouldn’t have remembered who did dishes a month ago. Why the need to keep score like that? What’s the bigger picture?
I think it’s reasonable to be upset if you told him ahead of time that you wanted a break from the dishes. I also think comparing how you treated him on his bday to how he’s treated you is just going to cause animosity and make all of your efforts seem insincere and as if they came with a cost he didn’t know about.
It sounds like you both thought of each other and did for each other, but you’re expecting it to be 100% equal. I personally wouldn’t compare birthday favors down to the detail like this.
Honestly I think you are absolutely right to be upset. Marriage is about making both partners happy and while I feel you spend a lot of effort your husband falls a bit short in the situation you described.
It is super reas9nable to ask not to have to do dishes on your birthday. Frankly, its 20 minutes, and the birthday person should not be expected to do it. Plus, you asked specifically for it.
Does he often disregard your wishes for things like this? Like, is it a pattern?
Match his effort next year?
If you don’t say, *”Honey, I don’t want to do dishes on my birthday. Can you do them?”* then you’re being unreasonable.
Birthdays are just another day in my opinion, couldn’t you just say not tonight it’s my birthday and move on? Little stuff like this is why my marriage is a disaster, my wife keeps a list of all my wrongs in her mind. Your probably right but in my opinion communicate your anger then move on.
He did exactly what you asked. You wanted him to fold your laundry-done. You didn’t want to do dishes after your birthday dinner-done (the restaurant did them on Saturday at your birthday dinner). You didn’t want a gift-done (he took you to a comedy show and spent time with your family)
I think he met your intent as you described. If you don’t want to do dishes on your birthday, be very specific about that as I guarantee you he thought the same thing I typed above.
We have a rule in my house… If it’s your birthday you do not cook or clean. Period. Everyone gets that day of rest.
It’s just the dishes. You spent the weekend celebrating. Sometimes life doesn’t work out perfectly on your birthday and you get over it.
Nope, you are right! He needs to do the dishes and wipe the counters for good measure! Happy Birthday!