Hi all,
I made a post here a bit ago, and people kept mentioning “a spark”. I was under the impression that it was something that only occurred in movies/songs. And since online dating is…pretty trash, I don’t really know if I should be expecting one. Dating is exhausting, because I’ll meet a ton of terrible people, some average people, and then people I genuinely enjoy. However, so far, with that last group I haven’t ended up feeling anything “more”, so didn’t end up pursuing a relationship with them. I’ve gone on dates with over two dozen women at this point, with only like 3-5 I’ve found being in that last group. But then I usually either end it, or try and remain friends.
Am I just chasing feelings?
TL;DR: Did you feel a spark with your SO?
5 comments
We’ve been together for over 12 years and I still feel the initial spark that drew us to each other when we first met. Past relationships I wouldn’t pursue anyone unless I had that feeling and often times it’d fade within 3 months or so.
>. I’ve gone on dates with over two dozen women at this point, with only like 3-5 I’ve found being in that last group.
So what caused you to end things? What wasn’t working? What put you off? And so on
I don’t buy into the “spark” thing. It’s a very “soul mates” “love at first sight” kind of thing that comes from movies. It’s also deeply tied to appearance and looks.
The most important thing you should be looking for is ease of conversation. Do you genuinely enjoy talking to the person for a couple hours? Do you like being around them? Are you on each other’s level intellectually? Do they make you laugh? If you weren’t looking to date them, would you enjoy being their friend?
These things are what build a good relationship. It means you’re willing to communicate and build bonds. A lot of any relationship is normal everyday conversation, so you’d better be able to connect on that level first.
50% looks 50% communication I would say is the start of something good.
You both find each other attractive is important, and you are both able to enjoy each others conversations together makes up the good chemistry as they say. I would define the spark as the genuine enjoyment you get from spending time with that person. Maybe I was just lucky or maybe I just picked my dates good but I felt a spark with 6/7 women I dated in my life. Literally every girl I dated except for one became a gf. Its also why I don’t believe in “soul mates” its a concept that is too romanticized and not realistic. Realistically speaking you could feel you are with your soulmate with every girl you ever date if you were really good at flirting/communicating. But then clearly they wouldn’t all be as with time you’d find out all kinds of things you dislike about them and really there is nobody in the world you will like everything about them. Everyone has flaws. I guess what I’m saying is chemistry is what you make of it.
In the end you stay with the ones whos flaws you can live with.
It didn’t feel like a “spark” – our initial date was a bit pants but there was just enough to try a second date, and then from the second date on I just really enjoyed my time and the thought of not hanging out again just didn’t cross my mind. After a few weeks of dating I was counting down the hours until the weekend when I could drive to visit him.