Some context. A friend I work with just broke up with her fiancé, me wanting to help her through this, I am trying everything I can to make her happy. And in the end I ended up falling for her hard. I am spending nights crying my eyes out because I’m thinking about, what we could be. And I heard, “just tell them how you feel, communication is key” but not when she just broke up with her fiancé. I have known her for a far less time than any other girl I’ve met and she is the first girl to make me feel like this. I can’t get her out of my head and it’s killing me. I just need help figuring out what to do.. thanks in advance, even though no one will read this
6 comments
Do you want to help her for her, or for you? Considering your feelings, it seems like it would be exceedingly difficult to be there for the right reasons.
So you either be a friend, or you sit it out. The only other thing that could happen is you try to be there emotionally but your feelings lead you to influence her for your own gain. Don’t do that to someone who’s hurting.
Can you set aside your feelings and be her friend? And maybe, SOMEDAY, after she’s through the grief process, you can try something more. I’m sure you know in your heart that’s the right way to go about this.
Worst feeling is that falling pull, it isn’t what you hold on to if the relationship lasts for any significant length of time and it makes you act foolish and ruins your ability to function normally. You are in a delicate situation where someone could benefit from your help and it may turn into something more but on both sides of the field you don’t want it to become “a rebound” or “a crush”. In this case I would say slow down and just work on helping her with no expectation of reciprocation. Hell, a lesser known secret would be to whack some out before getting involved with her to clear your head from stupid thoughts. just my 2 cents as someone who has fucked up relations from being down hard in the past.
What do you need advice on? I think you already know the answer. Of course you shouldn’t take advantage of her when she’s mourning her relationship and use her positive feelings toward you to get with her.
You may be feeling limerence. Do not let strong emotions cloud your judgement.
If you are serious about her, be a good friend, maybe the time will come. Don’t he surprised if it doesn’t. Don’t be her friend just to date her either, that’s shitty.
Tell her and then move on bro. Chances are she would have said something by now, she probably just sees you as a friend. This is a tale as old as time.
Not a new story. People shouldn’t go too out of your way to help someone, remember you have your own life.
Now that you have fallen for her, don’t burden her with it currently, she isn’t in the right place for now. I mean who would better know her situation besides her than you yourself. Be a friend now if you actually want to help her without any alterior motive. Think if a friend would do that, and whether you can, before doing things for her, don’t go too out of the way or over the top with things. When the time comes that she has decided to move on only then you might ask for a date, don’t confess something serious even then.