My pregnant wife told me that she does not want to breastfeed our soon-to-be-born son, because our son is a male and feels like perversion. She does have a history of saying things like “men are trash” and “men are potential rapists”. I could understand her fear of breastfeeding because it may hurt or anything not related to the sex of the child, but she did state that she would be willing to breastfeed if our child was a female. I haven’t said anything regarding her comment yet, because I have done it in the past, and she was mad at me for days.
I understand that women rights need to increase, but not sure if that’s at the cost of generalizing all males as problems, including her own son.
I’m just worried that she’ll be framing our son as a potential sexual predator after he is born.
Am I overreacting, or is this something I should be concerned about?
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Update:
I talked with my wife about the concerns I have with treating our son as a potential convict, and I suggested to redo therapy, directed towards her thoughts of men. She did not agree with what I suggested, which does keep a massive concern on the back of my head, but it does feel good to have told her my thoughts.
As for her stance of not wanting to breastfeed, this has changed to not wanting to feel like a cow. I also did some research on my end regarding the differences of breastfeeding vs formula, and I told her about the findings, but also ensured that regardless of what direction we take, I will support her decision. She’s still mad, saying that I am trying to push her to breastfeed. Maybe this could also be addressed during therapy, if she decides to get one.
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I think it’s a bit of both. I gave birth about 6 weeks ago to twins. One boy and one girl. I was on the fence about breastfeeding before I even got pregnant. I don’t find it weird or sexual when other people do it. But having ptsd from being sexually abused as a kid/ and being assulated while serving in the military, I was very concerned with how I would handle breast feeding mentally. Yes breasts are made to be a food source for babies but they have been so sexualized, and the idea that my child would be touching them retriggered me in many ways. I discussed it with my therapist she said many women that have been assulated don’t breast feed as it triggers a lot of emotions, and or it triggers anxiety, and women that try to push through end up resenting the child.
Ultimately it’s her body and her choice. The best thing my husband did was tell me he would support me either way, I changed my mind up until the babies were born and I did formula. I didn’t want to chance triggering anything, and ruining the bond with my children.
I think it’s odd that she would breastfeed a daughter and not a son. Babies are babies. Basically genderless. Saying it’s inappropriate to breastfeed a son is sexualizing an infant.
It’s her choice. If she would be upset or uncomfortable by having breastfed your son, it could affect their relationship badly. If she doesn’t abuse him verbally or other waysjust because he is a boy, I wouldn’t force it on her.
Unfortunately there’s a thread about this raising during the years. Woman’s deciding not breastfeed boys, only girls. Call me old fashioned, and downvote me if you want, but if she’s capable of breastfeeding, but won’t because of the gender, then she shouldn’t have kids in first place. A quick research and everyone can see the benefits of breastfeeding during the first six months. What else she’s going to deny him because of the gender? That’s a huge red flag for me.
In all seriousness, if this makes your wife so uncomfortable I am concerned how she will manage with the rest of his daily care, like diapers and bathing.
It’s simple to give the baby formula but I think there are deeper issues causing this that are going to confront your wife anyway. It would be great if she could get insight about what those issues are and start to reconcile them.
She may feel differently after birth. If she decides not to, don’t force the issue.
Breastfeeding can be horrible and painful. I breastfeed my kids but I hate it – but it has nothing to do with their gender. Honestly it sounds like your wife needs some therapy to work out her feelings about gender, especially while raising children. This isn’t normal
This sounds really warped. Does your wife have any diagnosed mental issues? I can’t fathom what would make someone sexualize feeding their own baby, before that baby is even born. She’s framing him as a sexual predator now, so I think your concern is valid that she will after he’s born as well. These are HUGE red flags, and I would be extremely concerned about abuse and neglect and probably have her get her head checked.
Did she grow up religious or experience a lot of sexual shame when she was younger? I have heard of this thought process growing up but I grew up with extremely religious relatives.
If this isn’t a troll post, no this is not normal.
Simple solution: Pump into bottles.
Dude, your wife has issues and needs therapy.
I came here to say its fine to not want to breastfeed but her reasons sound bizarre and disturbing to me. Newborns are all the same and all need the same kind of care. I would say something. The idea that she already has in her head that h*er infant son could be a potential sex offender* raises huge red flags.
Its unhealthy. She has some shit to work out.
Sounds like she’s a sexist pig who is sexualizing an infant and already has a negative bias towards him in regards to something completely out of his control.
She needs therapy.
her reasoning is extremely odd, yes
It’s deeper than than. Does she have a history of sexual abuse? She needs therapy. It’s not normal to view breastfeeding your son as a perversion while at the same time being okay with breastfeeding girls. Her explanation on feeling like a cow would only be valid if it were for both genders. And to assign misandrist views and already blaming an unborn baby because it’s a boy is not normal. Babies regardless of gender are innocent. How she’ll treat that innocent baby just because it’s a boy?
It is her choice. Don’t pressure her.
She needs help.
The health advantages to the baby from breastfeeding are huge. I realize not every woman can, but to not want to try is setting up the kid to have potential life long issues.
I wasn’t. I was constantly sick as a child and still suffer from asthma.
My kids were. They’ve never had any serious health issues, and rarely get sick period.
My wife is also a certificated location consultant, and I’ve been around numerous women feeding. There’s nothing sexual about it.
So she thinks you are trash and a rapist or are you guys lesbians?
It’s so bizarre to treat her son like this… he’s going to be a baby! They view great the way it was supposed to be viewed in the first place… making food for babies. The epitome of not being sexualizing
If she’s not breastfeeding just because it’s a boy I would have her seek professional help
Either way it’s her choice but that kind of thinking is very misguided 🙁