I am a student at university and last year decided to move into a flat with my two best friends (both 20f). We’ve been close for years, but one of the flatmates (let’s call her X) relatively quickly started to sour on my personality and I hers until we realised that we both no longer liked each other. We were just not compatible as roommates. I thought that my strong friendship with my best friend (let’s call her G) was enough to power through living with someone who I pretty much civilly avoided, but today G sat me down and said that she doesn’t want to live with me for the upcoming university year. G and X would be staying in the flat we share, so it’s literally a 2-on-1, it’s not us it’s you, kicking me out type deal. They have both realised that they are compatible roommates, but the way in which I express emotion and the aspects of my personality they see more of at home are too jarring to be around 24/7. G has also kindly said that they do not harbour any ill will towards me or want me to change, but thinks that this is the best decision for our friendship and also for her mental health. I am devastated as I love G very much, and am terrified of losing her. I am also terrified of not having my friends as a support network and source of joy as I work through this stressful uni course. I have also recently been through an incredibly traumatic event, so the idea of being alone without any friends is both terrifying and possibly the reason I have been hard to live with lately. Any advice would be appreciated, as I want to go about keeping our relationship in the healthiest way possible and not smother her.
TLDR; My best friend no longer wants to live with me as she feels we are incompatible roommates, how do I make sure me moving out is not the end of our friendship?
1 comment
The biggest thing I have learnt about living with other people, is it doesn’t matter how much of a friend they are, it doesn’t always mean you are compatible to live together. We all have different routines, ways of organising or not, attitudes to cleanliness, ect. From the sounds of it, this situation isn’t particularly your fault, but those two have found better grounds with living with eachother, than they have with you. It doesn’t me that G doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, if anything, it might actually help your friendship. If you aren’t with eachother 24/7, the time you do spend together will feel more constructive and you won’t be worrying about your living situation when discussing personal issues. I know it sucks hearing they don’t want you living there any more, but how happy have you actually been just living civilly with this other person? I don’t think you realise how draining it can be to be uncomfortable in your own home environment. I understand you want people around you, so maybe it’s worth looking at other uni accommodation? I know it can be scary as you never know who you will move in with, but I’m sure you will have your friends support along the way.