I don’t know whether I’m subconsciously shutting every opportunity down or I’ve never found the ‘right one’. I’ve been actively looking on dating sites etc but nothing has ever happened, I’ve only been on three dates two being awful and then nothing progressed with the last after the first date ( these things happen I completely understand) I’m also still a virgin and I don’t know if this is playing a part in me maybe shutting things down before anything ever happens. Talking stages either go on forever and just fade out or I just get aired.
I feel like it’s stopping me from growing and developing a more adult way of life if that makes sense. When people at work (I work in a bar) make sexual jokes I always end up feeling slightly uncomfortable by them even if they aren’t aimed at me I’m just overbearing them.
Anyone who’s been in this position how did get out of it and end up in that first relationship?
11 comments
Be patient and be yourself. Find the right guy who has similar interests as you and treats you well. Maybe try finding a guy at college or if friend or family has a wedding that is a good opportunity to socialize and meet someone new. Make sure to know someone for quite sometime and take it slow. Don’t readily give up your virginity until you know for sure who you are going to be with and that they will be with you. I don’t suggest dating apps.
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🤷♂️late bloomer maybe I didn’t lose my virginity until I was about that age. Don’t fret live life at your own pace and eventually it’s likely you will find someone to share your life with. Just do you and try not to worry about trivial things.
Good luck.
I 28M, never had a relationship and never even kissed a girl🥹🥹
Honey… you’re 21. Just live life for yourself. The rest will come naturally. Idk when but 21 is extremely young to enjoy exploring and meeting potential match.
First of all, remove the word “virgin” from your vocabulary, it’s not a badge of honor and it’s also not something to be ashamed of.
You’re not sexually active and you wanna start that activity when you’re ready and with the right person not because you feel pressured or feel you’re left out of your peers jokes.
You can also joke, dick jokes are easy. At your age I was still not sexually active and had never had a boyfriend 🤷🏻♀️. And I was definitely not in a hurry.
Relationships can be very damaging if you don’t choose the right person so…enjoy your relationship free time.
I don’t think it’s about being virgin. It’s about finding the right person who will treat and respect you right. I’m 22 now and I was 21 when I lost it to my first relationship that only lasted 6 months. Did I regret losing it? My answer is no because I was naive and had the idea that my first relationship is also going to be my last. I’m still young and I learned lots about that relationship where I can change and improve on for the “right one.” For now, don’t feel pressured about being a virgin. You’ll eventually find the right person to be with you and share a life with. At least that’s what I’m hoping for myself.
Quick question do think any of your coworkers or regular patrons are cute?
21 is very young, time isn’t the main issue. Instead ask yourself what you seek from being in a relationship that you wouldn’t normally have and why you want it. Let that answer be your compass.
Be true to yourself and don’t feel pressured to ever do anything you wouldn’t otherwise do. Patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait. You’ll find your prince charming. And it’s okay to be selective. Sorry you’re uncomfortable when others make those jokes.
I think I’m in the same boat. I definitely sympathise with the feeling that it’s stunting your growth and development into an adult. Not experiencing intimacy (not just sexual, just not being close to anyone, ever) makes me feel really far behind, and kind of like I’m still a teenager. Do you feel the same?
I don’t want to look for a relationship, because I think that forcing these things leads to problems down the road, but never being close to someone is causing problems now.
I’m a guy around the same age as you, so I think a lot of people who didn’t start dating in school might feel this way. Everyone here is right though, you’re so young. Try to focus on your interests, and what makes you happy and hopefully someone special will bump into your life. At that point, you just need to recognise the opportunity, and take a leap of faith.
Wishing you the best