The relationship is awesome, the sex, great. I love her, but she can’t grasp my mentality that she is not the only attractive person out there, but she is most beautiful to me. But I’m not gonna shit on everybody because I love her. She says nobody is attractive to her but me. She still shows mild levels of distrust, but I have never cheated, or done anything in the past. My record is clean. (obviously I’m some stranger on reddit so). Granted she has trauma from the past, but is there a way to help those with trauma overcome it? Even porn annoys her and she used to watch it early in the relationship. But she told me she stopped watching it as she only has eyes for me. This is a strange situation for me to be honest.
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I think that’s kinda beautiful, but at the same time everyone has different expectations and needs in a relationship so Mabye try working through it with her to find where you both can find a place you happy with. I found to help overcome that trauma it takes time as time goes on she will begging to reopen herself to you, reopen herself to trust you. That stuff takes time and only she will be able to trust again, there’s not much else to do other then be good to her and earn her trust
It’s a mixture of jealousy and insecurity, her saying that she only finds you attractive is a flat out lie however as everyone has their preference, what she’s hinting at , subconsciously even , is that she needs reassurance, appreciation and affirmation. Sow her through your actions that you find her beautiful, give compliments and affection .
Ummm why can’t you just not say the things that hurt her feelings? Seems easy and that you are making this harder than it needs to be.
I don’t think her point is that she really wants you to say that there are no other beautiful women out there, it feels like she just wants some words of affirmation. It’s a roundabout way of asking for reassurance from you, that you only want to be with her. Might stem from insecurities, or feeling like she loves you more than you love her.
(Speaking from personal experience)
I’m firmly on your side of the debate, and have trouble understanding how people can possibly see things the way she does. It just takes reading Reddit, though, to see that there are others like her. Millions of people (mostly women it seems), each one believing that she is the only attractive woman in the world. Don’t they ever talk to one another? Forsaking all others is not about attraction. It’s a choice.
You should propose a 3 way, that way she can see for herself that you like banging her more
I can see both sides. Obviously I can see other people are attractive or not ugly, but to me – my partner is the most attractive person. Part of that is because of his personality, part of it is good genetics. I’m not saying to deny there are other good looking people but I also wouldn’t knock that she feels that way either.
first of all, you don’t have to fix her trauma problems. those are unrelated to what you just did to your relationship. what did you think you would accomplish by telling her she’s just one of a million other pretty women? reading above, all i can think is that you are one of those horribly ‘honest’ people who feels that you opinion must be heard.
What you said was idiotic, unless the goal was to break up with her.
SMH
Don’t mention other people at all. Just say that you think she’s beautiful.
I think you both have a different view of what attractive means. I think it’s completely fine to acknowledge that there are other good looking people. But it’s different if you are attracted to those people.
For your GF (and for me), she is only attracted to her partner (you). She may acknowledge that Brad pitt is good looking but she is not attracted to Brad Pitt. It sounds hard to believe but there are people out there like this.
This demand is toxic. Of course there are plenty of attractive people out there and of course finding someone you love is more important even if they are not as attractive.
I am sorry but if this is the level of insecurity and childish behaviour she is exhibiting you don’t have a healthy relationship. She should consider therapy for her issues.
This seems like one of those things where the immaturity and inability to communicate is coming from both sides. You both have to be willing to compromise with each other a lot better if you love each other.
Is it great that she’s insecure when you find other women attractive? No. But that’s her journey to overcome. If you love her, you would want to assist her with that. Not by saying she should be ok with you triggering her insecurities, but by discussing with her a way that you can both be true to how you feel and not trigger insecurity in the woman you love. In exchange, she compromises by working on her security with herself and attempts to see from your point of view. You see how this does not actually need to be a problem? You’re both being far too rigid.
She thinks “attractive” and “attracted to” are the same thing. She isn’t attracted to anyone else, but I promise she sees people that she thinks are attractive, even if she won’t admit it.
She sounds too insecure to be in a relationship.
Only an idiot believes that there are not other beautiful attractive people out there.
Yes you can be only attracted to your partner, but not believing that there are other people who are beautiful is delusional.
And I bet she’s also lying through her teeth. Ask her friends who her celebrity crushes are, or who is on her free pass list. She finds other people attractive and beautiful, she just isn’t ready for a relationship.
This is a classic problem of having different definitions. She’s including your personality and who you are as a person in her attractive scale. You’re simply saying that physically beautiful people exist everywhere. It’s a simple miscommunication of definitions. I’ve experienced this situation before…it’s common for women to have this view. It’s just one of the many ways we look at the world differently.
A good example of this conundrum is that tiktok craze that went around where people ask “okay, he’s a 10 but he lives at home with parents..what is he now?” “He’s an 8 but he listens to you when you’re sad, what is he now?” Women account for these things in their attraction scale, where as men usually say it based solely on looks.
Men will still say Amber Heard is a 9 even though she’s the devil. Her being a giant lying piece of shit doesn’t change how physically attractive she is. “Okay she’s a 9 but she hate your best friend, what is she now?” Ummm she’s still a fucking 9, because personality traits do not affect the physical ranking system…which is what it is, purely a physical attractiveness scale. We look at life differently, and it’s all good. Just explain to her that her interpretation of the world is valid, although not the case for others.
For men, attraction is pretty straight forward. Are you beautiful? Awesome, I’m interested in getting to know you. I find you ugly? Sorry, not going to get to know you as a potential partner. Women on the other hand, are much more forgiving when it comes to looks. An amazing, dedicated, loyal man who’s a 6 is going to get much further with women. Plenty of men who are not classically good looking get really pretty women because of who they are. Men are not so lenient when it comes to finding someone physically unattractive but giving them a chance anyway. That being said, 10s get looked at but men want to marry a 7 or 8. When it comes to marriage and commitment it’s different than just who’s hot.
I’m like her. Look into demisexuality, she might be one. I’m only attracted to my bf, porn and such doesn’t turn me on, never have. It’s just watching people have sex, I cannot see the turn on. Or are you using the word attraction to just mean good-looking people?
the way i’m interpreting this is that she is talking about **attraction** whilst you are talking about **attractiveness**. there’s a difference.
>*attraction* — she means that she doesn’t **feel attracted** to anyone other than you. she only feels attraction towards you. other people are nice to look at, but she only feels attracted to *(wants to be with)* you.
>*attractiveness* — you mean that while she is physically attractive *(nice to look at)* so are other people.
i don’t think her point is that she doesn’t want you to think that there are no other beautiful people out there, she’s just looking for general affirmation that you only want to be with her.
Your girlfriend is insecure and her saying you are the only person she finds attractive is honestly cute and I wouldn’t mention other people as attractive and honestly just drop the subject. Why is this even talked about!?
She’s insecure, which leads to jealousy. The only thing you can do to help build her self-confidence, is tell her that you’re happy with her. The rest is up to her. Funny how a lot of posters here suggest censoring yourself. Being considerate to your partner is something different than having to walk around eggshells, because every comment can trigger that insecurity. I’m pretty sure it’s not only about comments about other girls, but also when he talks to girls that will trigger her. Maybe he should stop that too? And work in a workplace with only men maybe? Get a grip, people.
So stop saying it.
Problem solved.
*I* know what you mean by it, and you’re right, but it bothers her and it’s because of things that have happened to her in the past, so just avoid saying things that trigger her insecurities. It’s not that difficult, really.
Well, that’s why I wouldn’t date anyone under 25, preferably 28 when all the insecurities and drama is being repressed by adult responsibilities and mild depression
Then… stop telling her how other people are beautiful and how attracted you are to them? I literally do not understand why you would even mention this to her. Especially since you know it upsets her. I mean if you said it once, and she reacted poorly, okay – but now you know this triggers her insecurity, so why do you keep telling her how nice everyone else’s ass is? T
If my partner kept telling me that, even tho I am not especially insecure, I would kinda start to be. It costs nothing to not mention it. It’s the easiest thing in the world not to mention it.
If she wants you to actively criticize others/dunk on them so she can feel superior, that is a completely different thing and..uh yikes, she needs therapy. I get why you would not want to enable this behavior. I would be firm and assertive around that. No one gets to demand you be unkind and mean just so they can feel better – if someone does, it speaks badly of their character.
Why are you out there pointing that out. She knows there are attractive people she doesn’t neee to hear from you like you’re still out there looking
Are you sure your are 26? 🤨
Stop saying stuff that triggers her. How hard is that? If she has anxiety and distrust, don’t fan the flames.
For her – get some therapy to learn your boundaries and learn what you can reasonably ask another person.
Dude just stop telling your girlfriend you find other women attractive, it’s not rocket science