Men, at what point would you not date a girl based on her past friendships?

16 comments

1. People fuck. I would be more worried about her overall body count than her sleeping with a guy she used to hang out with.

2. She fucked one guy, it’s no big deal

   If you’re having problems with the one dude – check your own control issues

3. Wouldnt care at all

4. It heavily depends on how often they’re around each other

5. Don’t care.

   Trust requires giving up control and acknowledging the worst case scenario.

   You’re worried the past history means something might still be there and either now or in the future they’d hook up again behind your back.

   If she said it’s no big deal, then you’re in a position where you have to relinquish the control and *actually trust her*. Trust isn’t from knowing all the variables, it’s having faith than given the unknown she’s still gonna make the right decision.

   There’s no trust without faith. If you’re not willing to have faith then you’re lying to her when you say you trust her (and no the “I trust you I just don’t trust him” trope means you don’t trust her, she still makes a choice in the worst case scenario.). If you don’t trust her in this scenario maybe ask yourself why your insecurity is more believable than her word.

   Hopefully this doesn’t generate defensive feelings it’s not meant to be insulting, more clear and direct. Good luck.

6. Everyone has a history. Get over it.

7. depends, if she value sex over emotional connection and mutual understanding i would nope the fuck out.

   vice versa if she values the latter.
   if you want check if your date is a red or green flag, pay attention to what they value what they put their actions towards to.

8. Hmmm. I guess the only scenario I’d care about is if she’d banged more than, oh I don’t know, ~25% of her male friends.

9. My circle in college was pretty incestuous, so I’m very accustomed to that, both dating people who have dated/fooled around with my friends, and being the person who has dated a woman I still hang out with on the reg, and having to put my current girlfriend’s mind at ease about it.

10. Don’t care.

11. I would never get in between two people in an active relationship, but if the relationship is over I see no issue with it. If you like her, go for it.

12. If she’s still friends with people she used to fuck I’d not see her as long term material.

13. If she dated a Conservative other than that I don’t care if she banged a rugby team

14. I wouldn’t date a girl that still has regular contact with an ex in any capacity.

15. One guy who she barely sees anymore?

    Not a big deal – depending on how you feel about hookups in general.

    Personally I wouldn’t want to date a woman who’s into hookups, because her values would differ from mine.

    However…

    How do I know I don’t like anything about hookups?

    Because I’ve tried it and found it to be terrible.

    So I can’t really judge a woman who has done the same and come to the same conclusion. It would actually mean we have the same values in that regard.

    But if that one guy in her social circle is just a past hookup she happens to still see occasionally, and there are many more who she never sees because they were basically strangers? Well, that’s a red flag to me.

    Think about it this way: Past a certain age, almost all women you meet will have a sexual past of some extent. What extent you’re okay with is up to you. But she’s gonna have one.

    Now, which one do you prefer:

    – All of her past sexual experience is with random men she had never met before and will likely never meet again?
    – Or they are with men who she knew and grew to like in one fashion or another?

    And no matter your answer, you should also consider that while holding women to any standard you have is fine, it’s only fine as long as they can hold you to the same. Not wanting to date a woman who has fucked 50+ men is perfectly okay, but would be a ginormous double standard if you have fucked 50+ women.

16. A buddy of mine recently got cheated on by his fiancee, but everyone told him from the beginning she was bad news and that not only reflected in her behavior it also reflected in her circle of friends, because she was/is closest with the most broken girls in town, bad reputations, bad behavior and probably as a result bad health.

    If her friends spell chaos, I won’t date her.

    Regarding hooking up within the friend group, once is nothing to worry about, especially since we did used to get to know even our partners in that way more than often. As long as the group is not all guys and her as the only girl and those meet ups not being of the kind that can easily end in hookups again (like partying it up with heavy drinking or movie nights + sleepovers) I wouldn’t worry too much, since I am rather confident in my ability to judge a persons character (in terms of compatibility) to begin with.

    Of course, as the guy trying to figure out whether of not to date her, she saying she only hooked up with one of the guy in the group is… tricky. If she is interested in you, she would have a solid incentive in lying about the number and seeing how you won’t meet them often (and long) enough to confirm her statement before the relationship soldifies, she could play the long game to make the truth not matter because by the time it comes out you got too used to being with her. *Which is why you need solid social skills (like a strong bullshit radar)* or the patience to not commit until the information you deem critical has been confirmed.