I figured I would try a new approach to my dating life. Right now, I am just not getting what I want. I am getting a lot of flaky dates, numbers, and overall interactions. I was doing this enough that I came back to the drawing board. I asked myself what am I doing wrong? This has happened to me enough times that I must be doing something wrong.
When I really thought about my interactions, I observed some things about myself. Something I notice is that often times I start throwing topics out there hoping something sticks. Just random stuff that I’m into hoping you are going to be into it. Would be nice if it works but that led me to question myself on why do I even want to talk to this girl? If I’m being 100% honest with myself, it’s because I found them attractive and would love to have sex with them. This realization was my epiphany.
I read some advice on actually listing out what you want and what qualities you are looking for that doesn’t have to with physical appearance. I wanted to post this so I could get more critiques on the qualities I’m looking for. Do you think it’s to vague, not specific, or doesn’t really make sense. I am trying to date for a relationship/marriage so this is me really drilling down on what I’m looking for.
1. I am looking for a girl that has similar music tastes. I am a very musical person and it’s how I express my vibe a lot of times. Whether be with lyrics or the type of songs I’m listening to. I feel it’s important to me to share musical tastes.
2. I want a girl that is very passionate. I find it extremely attractive when a women can talk on a very specific subject they are passionate about. I don’t know if I’m explaining this right so let me give an example. I have a friend who is very passionate about city planning/resource management/urban design. It’s not really something I think about, but I engage with her in that interest. I learn tons of cool stuff that I never think about.
3. I am looking for a girl that is pretty independent/active. I don’t really hangout at my place unless it’s to like work/sleep. I am constantly out doing stuff throughout the week. I would love to share a hobby or two. Generally though, I think I would click with someone who has that similar sort of lifestyle.
4. Intelligence is also super attractive. I’m not talking about being a STEM major or have some super glorified career. More so general intelligence. Being able to be knowledgeable about different topics. Have their own opinion on topics and be able to articulate their opinion.
5. Confidence. I think confidence in a woman is so attractive. The way they carry themselves and speak, really shows me a lot about a person. I feel this is sort of something I struggle with that when I meet confident women, I find them insanely attractive.
So this is my list. I would love to talk about how can I make this list better. Am I painting the picture clear enough? Can you conceptualize this woman? The more clear I am, the better I will be able filter for women who are actually compatible, and hopefully have better connections!
7 comments
If this is your list, it’s your list. It’s not our job to tell you what you want. It’s yours.
https://youtu.be/KouVJTRBBIs
I’m this woman
That list sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
I would say that maybe you can add stuff that are more about relationship style directly ? Like :
– do you want someone who wants marriage eventually or are you not interested in marriage yourself? Do you want kids or not?
– what type of communication styles do you prefer?
Attachment style?
– how available are you for a potential partner in terms of time and efforts, how available would you like them to be?
– do you want a partner that want to stay here and close to family or dream of a nomadic life? Are there any goals/aspirations you want to share with a partner?
Self reflection and self awareness are very good skills to have. So that’s a plus for you.
It’s good that she be passionate about something, you be passionate about something, and as a couple you have something you’re both passionate about unrelated to each other’s passions.
As you grow older your music tastes will change/expand. I wouldn’t be too much of a stickler on music. Maybe you’re a metal head and she likes country…be open to doing what she likes.
Find out how she spends. Is she a saver, does she think about the future financially? If you wife her up she’ll be spending your money. Do you have similar financial goals?
How does she problem solve? This isn’t an intelligence matter, but rather how does she argue? This is very important to your future success in a relationship!
From experience when you find this woman you should be able to name five things about her that you can’t live without. Someone will always put you on the spot about them.
Good luck
> Confidence. I think confidence in a woman is so attractive
And yet, you listed this last (I think it should be first).
Depending on your taste in music I think you are looking for me, but I’m already taken (;
Just kidding. As general feedback:
– First of all, I think it’s great you have an idea of the woman you’re looking for. It’s not vague to me, nor too short.
– I used to have music too on my list for similar reasons. But let it go because 3 of the 4 guys I’ve been in love with had a different music taste. We connected over other interests. Moreover: my own music taste hasn’t always been the same either.
– I personally think future goals and having similar values are extremely important too, they’re somewhat missing.
– You put independent and active in the same category, but they’re not. Someone can be extremely self sufficient, but also not come off the couch after work. Otherwise is possible too.
– I have read that you have limit experiences in dating. I think it would be wise to sometimes step a bit out of your comfortzone. Sometimes you can surprise yourself with whom you fall for – and if not, it is a great signal you are on the right track with this list.
Take sex off the table and you’ll find out really quickly if this is a person you want to spend a lot of time with.