Well. here goes. more of a rant then anything because my heart is shattered. i’m 17 and there’s this girl i’ve known for quite a few years and we always talked and we’re friendly with each other but she had a boyfriend the last few years we talked. just this last month or so we really got into talking, hanging out and just really enjoying each others company. the second week she asked me to come over at 2 am cuz she was horny. i was a virgin at the time and was losing it because i was about to lose my virginity!! i made it really clear to her that i didn’t just want it to be a hook up and that im not a piece of meat and i wanted something more. she said she felt the same way. We had sex twice and it was amazing both times. just two days ago she tells me she’s changed her mind and just doesn’t think she’s ready to date but she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. i get a little upset and we don’t talk for a day. then she texts me saying she misses me. but she still just wants to stay as friends. i don’t wanna be her “friend” because it sort of feels like she’s trying to manipulate me until she finds someone else. maybe i’m just crazy and delusional like she says idk. i’m just really sad that i gave up my virginity to someone like her and now i feel really alone and used.
6 comments
That’s a risk you take with hooking up with people you want as friends. It never has a fairytale ending. Usually it gets awkward, someone’s feelings get hurt, or you lose them as a friend altogether.
Just emphasize you don’t want to be her friend anymore which she can take it or leave it. She may still have to get over her ex but that isn’t your problem. You are young and about to become adult where you can meet loads more people so don’t worry there will be others either way.
You lost your virginity to someone you cared about and it was awesome. Regardless of what happens your story is much better than most people’s.
You’re young and have a long way to go.
Don’t fight with her. Talk calmly and share your feelings with her. At your age everything feels life changing. Give her time. She may/may not come around. But don’t act foolish bc that’ll just close the door.
Don’t feel used. Disappointed? I get it. But at that time, things aligned and you had a wonderful experience. They don’t always lead to relationships and can still be special. Tell her you need time away as you have feelings which are stronger after sex.
I would suggest you don’t turn it into a fight, accept it if she say no, express your feelings, and if you have to stay away for awhile let her know. Maybe when you’re away she has time to re-think her decision too.
The best thing is to just be upfront with her. Something like look, I just need some space right now, after the last few days, just to clear my head. Please respect my decision. It can take some time, you may never talk to her again. Whether or not you do, whatever you decide is the right decision. Just be open and don’t play games.
I know exactly how you feel. I went through pretty much the exact same thing when I was your age. It left me with bad depression for a while. Honestly though my man, even if you guys did date the likelihood of it lasting more than a few years at your age is little to none. Then you guys would likely not be friends anyways. I know you feel the way you do but trust me – if 25 year old you could call you he would tell you to stay friends with her and clap those cheeks as long as you can. In 5 years this situation won’t even matter to you and you’ll have likely gone through several serious relationships but at least you got some sex out of it.
There will be more broken hearts young man. But when you find your great love… You’ll realize why all the others failed.
It hurts today. And there will always be a bit of sadness…. But someday, that girl will walk into your life and make you realize why you went thru the headaches. And it will all be worth it.