My boyfriend of 10 months and I just broke up – he felt that he wasn’t as “all in” as he was even just a month ago due to personal issues and feelings of personal unfulfillment and I could tell. I was constantly upset and frustrated with him for the difference in his energy even though he loves me very much, tried very hard, and really wanted to make it work. At the end of the day his 100% of what he could give me changed and I responded to him like it wasn’t enough. He felt like it wasn’t what I deserved either.
I’ve been thinking about the idea that he couldn’t meet my needs or give me what I deserve in this specific rough patch of his in comparison to how “all in” he felt during especially what I would consider our real honeymoon phase. My therapist encouraged me to think about whether he couldn’t meet my needs or if my expectations are unrealistic. I feel like there is a possibility that I demanded too much, all the time, from a person who is only human.
Does anyone have any resources (threads, articles, advice or stories) that pertain to determining whether or not my expectations are just unreasonable and unrealistic? I’d love some guidance when thinking about this.
TLDR: Unsure if my ex-boyfriend couldn’t meet my needs or if I just had unrealistic expectations. Seeking advice!
2 comments
I don’t have any articles, but I think a good perspective could be “if a partner expected this of *me*, would I find it fair?”
There are no books, or there certainly should not be, that tell you what you should want. You want what you want!
The best way to see if what you’re asking is reasonable is to try it on people and see what they do with it.
One persons “unreasonable” is always someone else’s “doable”.