i (M24) just found this sub and i realized foreplay is way more important to the ladies than i thought. for the last several years i put so much pressure on myself to get a raging boner IMMEDIATELY because i thought the expectation was that PIV is what should be happening pretty much right away.
that caused a ton of performance anxiety for me and thus sometimes couldnt get it up. i gotta get comfortable around a new girl first before i can get there. once i get comfortable with a girl, its pretty much instant but not the first go around.
with that said, finding that foreplay is something girls enjoy and even need is very reassuring to me because 1) i enjoy foreplay but also 2) that takes the pressure off of needing to have an erection immediately.
so with that said, how much foreplay do you need/want? how important is it to you? how would you feel if a guy wasnt immediately up and running and instead wanted to start with some foreplay? whats your favorite foreplay?
38 comments
From an experienced guy. Dude, it’s everything and there is not time limit. The longer the better. Explore her body and worship every inch. Don’t worry about getting hard. If you’re doing it right you will be aroused the entire time.
My dude, welcome to the club. The amount of foreplay is going to vary depending on the woman. I like to tease for a while, suck on nipples, kiss my way down to her legs, lick the area between her legs and vagina. I will usually eat her out until she has an orgasm and by then, I am pretty well worked up.
The goal here is to not only get her physically ready, but MENTALLY ready as well.
Depends on the person, but by default you should assume that it’s mandatory, especially if you plan on doing anything involving penetration of any kind.
Also, keep in mind that a lot of the sex acts that are called “foreplay” in our culture are actually the very things that get women off. The clitoris is the anatomical equivalent of the penis, so unless your partner happens to be wired differently than the majority of women, sex that ignores their clitoris is every bit as frustrating and disappointing for them as you would find sex that ignores your penis.
In my experience if you have amazing foreplay, the main event of sex doesn’t matter much as far as her happiness goes haha.
Like if the wife and I do hand stuff/oral for 20 min before having sex. She’s probably already gotten off once and if I happen to cum fast (not rare for me after a ton of foreplay. Her head games too good haha) then it doesn’t matter bc she’s already had a great time and I’ll still finish her off again with a toy etc.
In general. Foreplay is often the main event for my wife in her opinion. There are times she wants to get straight to the fucking and those are great too but forced to choose she’d def prioritize the stuff outside of penetration over pure PIV
To me, foreplay is A HUGE deal for me. Without it, i find it difficult to get in the mood .. Im into lots of teasing , playfulness , the chase , etc
So far all the recommendations here are on point. There is no one prescription that will work for all couples, all scenarios, all occasions, all locations.
You have to play it by ear. Each encounter will be different. Most of the time, foreplay is KEY! Like 99.9% of the time.
Let me ask you this, instead of focusing 100% on what she wants… how about what YOU want? You said you like foreplay!!! Why didn’t you do things you like? To me sex should be 50/50. Sometimes it can very well be 70/30 or 30/70 if you get what I mean. sometimes it can also be 100/0 or 0/100.
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I had a GF that loved teasing me. She would get home and be doing something, what ever. I’d come over from behind her and hug and kiss her neck… mind you just to say hello, not looking for absolutely anything. We start chit chatting while still hugging from behind, and she’d start rubbing her ass on my dick. I always warned her, “Woman, stop that! You’re getting me turned on.” She would do exactly the opposite and rub harder. I’d get a massive hard on and warn her again, “You feel that??? I’m rock solid, I’m warning you!!!” …and she’d grin a lovely ass grin that would just drive me bonkers. Her pants would be down by her knees in seconds and I’d be deep inside her in a minute. No foreplay… yet she knew exactly what she was doing and would be incredibly wet already.
Yes
It’s hard to get in the mood and wet if there’s no foreplay at all. Unless it’s decided we are going to do it quick! I much rather prefer a long foreplay between me and him. I want to play with him too
I’m a bi woman. I’d like to give you some advice from my perspective.
Eliminate the word “foreplay” from your vocabulary. It’s all sex.
Most women do not get off from PiV sex. If you only consider “real sex” as the part where your p is in her v, then you are dooming yourself to a horrible batting average. Chances are, you will not get her off that way.
If you redefine “sex” to include all the ways you can use touch to make your partner feel good, then you’ve opened up your options. Handjobs are sex. Oral is sex. Grinding and frottage are sex. All of a sudden, all of the sex is getting everyone off… maybe even multiple times.
This is a very normal way of looking at sex for people who aren’t straight men. I’ve slept with several women. Know how many of them I’ve gotten off with PiV? None, because I don’t have a dick. But I’ve still definitely had sex with them!
So then the question you’re asking becomes, “How important is it to spend time making your partner feel good during sex?” And the answer is… it should be as important to you as your pleasure is to them, unless you’ve agreed otherwise.
If I were hooking up with a dude, and he expected to just stick it in me straight away, that would be a hard nope. It would hurt and it would tell me that he does not care how I feel during this experience.
If I’m being totally honest? One of my best experiences ever was with a dude who had horrible performance anxiety because we *had* to have a long warm up period.
I feel like.. maybe stop thinking of foreplay as.. foreplay. It’s just sex. Penetration isn’t the end goal. A lot of my friends agree that sometimes we want sex but not penetration. Foreplay is very penetration centered.
Most women say that they like foreplay more because they are the actual focus. I would recommend just viewing “foreplay” as sex. Because that is what it is. Sex. Ofc warming up if the person wants penetration is extremely important. Lube is also important. Kissing, touching, eating somebody out and stuff like that can be the end goal. It’s not a race. Just be in the moment and ask the women what they want. Ofc the clitoris is the main form of pleasure for most women. It wouldn’t make sense to only do penetration when majority of women can’t cum from that.
I can also say that many of my friends agree with me here. If anybody is trying to rush to penetration they can fuck right off. That shit can hurt so much and even damage your vaginal canal. 5min of kissing isn’t enough of a warm up.
Real foreplay is important for penis and vagina owners. People with vaginas often need more consideration since their anatomy is a lot more complex than simply getting erect like with a penis. We’re talking internal and external changes before penetration particularly can be pleasurable and safe. Even then, there are many people with penises who absolutely need foreplay before they are up and ready to perform. A lot of us get hard immediately. A lot of us don’t. For the most part it’s all normal.
Physical stuff notwithstanding, good foreplay plays a huge role is easing nervous tension, stress, and anxiety and just getting people (regardless of their equipment) in the headspace for any kind of sex. Someone who is on edge and nervous or not “present” in themselves will have a difficult time enjoying and being a good partner during sex. Tense people have painful sex, reach orgasm too fast, or never reach orgasm at all.
Good foreplay also establishes a bond and a dynamic that helps everyone involved be on the same page, in the same rhythm, and comfortable with their and their partners’ bodies. Not communicating, not being mindful, not being self aware, and not being in sync seem minor but they can transform sex from “people using each other to get off” to “people working together to have a deep, primal, sexy experience that blows their minds all the way through.”
I like as much foreplay as it takes for us both to be clawing at each for more and deeper things. Real foreplay is the teasing, the cuddling, the massaging, the kissing, the touching, and all the other things that can happen throughout the day or right in bed that lower stress, and raise arousal organically. It also never stops. It should be the baseline that’s happening through all of the sex, making a full body experience and not just a genital-centric experience. It’s the stuff that makes people’s minds catch fire as well as their bodies. The stuff people usually consider foreplay, fingering, handjobs, oral, are just different modes of sex. Using them as the only foreplay or starting cold with them is kinda cheating everyone involved out of a really, really good sense of escalation. You need to work up to those. Staring a race going 60mph isn’t as exciting as starting a race from 0mph. It’s not always viable, like with quickies or desperate urgent “fuck me now” moments, but not doing the patient, full body awakening, mind-fucking anticipation building stuff can make the difference between “it was fun but I didn’t cum”, “they made me cum so hard”, and “that motherfucker had me on another planet and my legs don’t work right now”.
And to be honest, eventual penetration doesn’t always have to the goal of sex. Done with care, creativity, and respect for the acts, oral, handjobs, fingering, toys, etc., are just as viable and can be just as gratifying and mind blowing as PIV or PIA. For many people those things are the only sex they know or care about. But good foreplay still plays a large role is preparing everyone for the sex to come, however it manifests.
^(Edit. Grammar.)
Yeah it all depends on what your partner likes. Honestly for me as I guy I really love for play. I want to draw it out as long as I can. And I think most women do to. It is about the experience. Sure are there times you can jump in and get right to it? Of course. But in my mind it is important to take some time.
How important is foreplay? On a scale of 1-10, I’d say approximately 327.
Foreplay is basically the only part that does anything for me tbh
When you had sex, did you use lube or were the women already wet or ??? 😨
<sighs> … it 100% depends on the person. My wife *hates* any kind of foreplay, giving or receiving. She wants and expects me to be ready to go immediately without any interaction because “that’s how *men* work.” She doesn’t even want to look at it if it’s not hard, much less touch it… and if it’s not as hard as possible when the pants come off? Fucking forget it, there’s obviously something wrong with me.
So, only a tiny bit of pressure to perform. At least I get her off everytime it actually does happen, but after that 60 seconds she’s one-and-done and I’m left, quite literally, with my dick in my hands lol.
I’ve always relished and loved foreplay, and I grieve its absence… but it’s not for everyone I suppose.
Moral of the story? Talk to your partner to get on the same page about it… the more pleasurable you make it for them (especially if you’re listening to their requests and directions and body language), the more they’re likely to be excited to do the whole experience with you again.
Critical. Exhausting and dehydrating said partner before PIV even starts is something they will never forget.
If I had it my way I’d want like an hour of foreplay. However I think 15-30 min is more realistic. The vagina needs time to relax and expand and lubricate. Sex will be painful or uncomfortable if you don’t give it this time before PIV
Foreplay is literally everything.
Foreplay is what let’s alot of women come, and the longer it lasts usually the better. The teasing and anticipation makes the actual event of penetration intensely satisfying. The best sex I’ve had has been when we’ve been engaged in foreplay for 30+ minutes until I’m begging for him for the satisfaction. Quickies are fun, but drawn out sessions with lots of foreplay is the best.
Honestly I don’t like to approach “foreplay” and “sex” as separate things— it’s *all* sex. The way we talk about foreplay places too much importance on PIV.
Every person is going to want and need different things when having sex. The most important thing you can do is to communicate. Ask what your partner wants, check in throughout, tell them what you want.
I’m so glad this discovery has taken the pressure off you!
For others to learn and understand, I just gotta ask, where/how did you get the impression that women do not like foreplay?
Personally, it’s not important at all for me and I can go without it. Rubbing some lube on my dick and sticking it in is all I need tbh. But I know how important it is for women, so I do it anyway to please them. It is extremely important and highly recommended if you want to get them going. It pays In dividends.
foreplay is very important
Foreplay is probably one of best ways to ensure your treating your partner right. It allows both of you to transition into sex and for her it helps her body prepare. If you had to pick one aspect of sex to concentrate on…it should be your foreplay game.
It’s better to be good at foreplay than not.
Some partners of mine could not care less about foreplay and just want PIV while others needed 20-40mins of foreplay before going in. Every gal is a little different.
Developing patience, asking questions on what they like and listening to instructions will help you stand out from most guys.
Foreplay is more important then the actual sex for me. Like seriously. I don’t care if you get off in one thrust if you did enough foreplay. You don’t realize how wet you can get a girl by just a hot make out session even. Don’t rush foreplay it will turn off a woman in an instant. Like don’t just give one peck and then think her boobs are a stress toy.
SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO IMPORTANT
Could not be more important
The most important part of sex
Wow, ease up on yourself.
Talk to your partners. Ask what they like/want. We are not a monolith. Some of us really love oral sex, some really like fingers, some really love both. Some need more breast stimulation than others.
Also, talk about what you like. If you need faster, harder, slower, there is nothing wrong with saying that.
Communication is sexy af.
Also remember, foreplay is not just about the sex. Foreplay starts before the bedroom.
Sending them sexy texts (if they like it), taking them out to dinner or doing something fun.
Holding their hand when going shopping, putting your hand lightly on their bum while walking.
All these types of things can be considered foreplay.
Women aren’t cars that just you switch on… they need some good revving before you put your shift into their gear.
Without foreplay i dont orgasm. It just ends up as ‘ok’ sex or frustrating sex.
Id say 10-15mins minimum, if you are looking to get her to orgasm during penetration. If thats not your, or her strong point and its better her orgasm coming before penetration then id say 15-30mins.
You can incorporate alot of things into foreplay, its doesnt just have to be a quick finger shuffle.
Dressing up. Clothing that takes longer to remove like lace up clothes. Allowing partner to undress you as opposed to both chucking your clothes on the floor before hopping in bed (weve all done it lol). Send naughty messages to each other during the day. That way both of your minds are on sex already, you’re not having to wait for the other person to catch up.
Use temperature, ice cubes to make the skin more senstive to touch, warming lotions while giving a massage. Use different lubricants while touching each other, theres lots of variants.
Use different textures, feathers, floggers, crops, sex toys etc. Moving them over the skin in different ways, teasing, can go a long way to turning someone on. Most people find the act of turning someone on gets them going too.
Toys. Clit toys, cock rings, butt plugs, whatever. Toys can give orgasms alone, can be used as a lead up to sex or during sex to add a different dimension.
Dont go straight for each others bodies, touch yourself. Alot of people find watching their partner touch themselves very sexy. That in itself sometimes can be enough to go from 0-100.
Dont worry about not being hard straight away either. Having a semi is just a challenge in my eyes. It says come play with me lol. Doesnt stay semi for long.
If you find that your concentration drifts during due to worries, try a cock ring. They can help trap the blood (dont know a prettier way of saying that sorry) and keep the erection stronger. So any momentary blips wouldnt be as noticeable. That in itself would improve your confidence in it.
Lastly, youre human. Everyone has off days. You might have a day where it goes soft, same as days where women cant get as wet. Thats where the trust and openess comes in with your partner. Say, sorry im a bit stressed at the moment, things arent working like they usually would. Can we stop. Or can i bring you to orgasm another way. You may find you get hard again during, you might not. Its ok. The worst thing to do in situation is to go quiet, it makes your partner worry theyve done something wrong, you dont find them attractive anymore etc. Where as most mature adults when told sorry im having a bad day would say oh, ok. Anything i can do to help. Want to talk, snuggle etc.
Arousal is not erection. Erection is not arousal. Know that!
90 percent of the time I wont get wet if there is not enough foreplay and it just straight up hurts
Foreplay is SEX and not an option. It makes women prepared to have PIV and it’s makes a man’s erections harder- which I’ve been told make them better.
“Foreplay” is sex as much as PIV is. I’m a lesbian and my wife doesn’t strap me each time but I guarantee we still have sex. And those with vaginas, oral, fingeri g, etc is goi g to get a lot more results than PIV will (I’m a lesbian but have had plenty of PiV and KNOW)
I need quite a lot, atleast like 15 min. I really like kissing that works it way around the body, stroking, nipple play is my FAVORITE. I usually like to end the foreplay with oral sex because that really makes me yearn the D ya know. Getting licked into an orgasm is a good way to end the foreplay before getting pounded 😏
I’d also like to add that a good foreplay also does a huge difference for the overall pleasure and stronger orgasm. If a man was to just go straight for penetration not only would I not be turned on and relaxed down there I would also have a really hard time coming and it would not be good sex for me atleast.
As others have said it definitely depends on the person.
For me personally, piv definitely does the most pleasure wise. So I don’t mind if we get to that quickly (as long as we’ve had sufficient warmup to not make it painful).
What i (m32) learner from experience is that there is no time limit on foreplay and don’t try to put in you little friend before you made her beg for it. Realising this made sex soooo much better for all parties.