My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost one year (In 3 days it will be our one year). We’ve had many relationship problems in the past but have communicated and worked it out. Neither of us has cheated or done anything so unforgivable. Recently I thought we were doing amazing. Our families met, we celebrated each other’s birthdays and I’m planning to go to his hometown before Thanksgiving. Also when new problems arose we really take time to talk it out and no longer suggest breaking up as an answer. Or so I thought … Yesterday I’m cooking dinner and I start getting annoyed with my boyfriend because he’s acting a little childish. Anyways we eat dinner then I go take a shower alone. When I come out of the shower he’s in my room and I start changing into clothes. When I take off my towel he comments on my body saying it’s beautiful. I love that he compliments me, but I feel that he compliments my body and boobs more than my face, personality or my general appearance. I tell him why he doesn’t compliment my face and he tells me that my body looks good right now. I respond by saying that he said in the past I look the best fresh faced right when I come out of the shower. To this, he responds by saying that it doesn’t apply right now. I’m clearly upset by this but he doesn’t care to comfort me or anything. I just kinda tear up and wait for him to get in the shower. After he gets out of the shower, we go right to sleep without saying anything. It’s 12:16 and I can’t really fall asleep with all that’s on my mind. I nudge him awake which he clearly gets upset about. He then begins to tell me that I’m not a fun person, ungrateful for his compliments, not light-hearted and that he doesn’t want to be with me. He told me that he’s been thinking about it for a while and I was shocked. This is so unnatural because we’ve been so affectionate lately. I start crying which he replies that I’m always fucking crying. I beg him to stay and try to keep him from leaving by taking his phone and wallet. He then aggressively takes it back and calls me fucking stupid and that he doesn’t want to be with me and breakup. He ends up staying the night and leaves early for class the next morning. I still want to be with him because I do love him but i’m so confused why this came up. Please help
TL;DR Should I break up with my boyfriend for him becoming overly angry & upset
4 comments
It seemed you created a problem out of nothing. Why point out why he doesn’t compliment your face as much? that’s an awkward and insecure question to ask after they’ve complimented you on everything. it seemed like it was a nice moment and you ruined it. Sorry to say.
Firstly, you can’t block him from leaving if he wants to leave. That’s actually a misdemeanor, so please don’t do that again.
Secondly, he did give you compliments, it’s just that you wanted more compliments of a specific type. I would consider this a non-issue. All of us want more all the time and we can’t all have all of our love compartments fills up all the way to the top every time every day. He did spend the time to give you compliments.
The things that he said is that you’ve been anxious and crying lately, that you haven’t been fun, and that you haven’t been lighthearted. It sounds like all of this is linked together. Have you become dependent on him, that is, you try to revolve your whole world around him? Do you have some sort of anxiety or depression issue that you need to address? Have you been leaning on him more than usual so when he doesn’t have anything else to offer you become upset because you need more from him? And when is the last time that both of you did something that was specifically fun and lighthearted together?
It sounds like both of you can work these things out, but only if he is willing.
He didn’t become overly angry and upset. You became extremely difficult and argumentative.
It’s fine to ask that he compliment you in other ways. It’s not fine to pick a fight because he offered a compliment that you’d normally like but because of things that he couldn’t possibly know rubbed you the wrong way this one time.
There’s a difference between, “Thank you. Although, in the future, while I appreciate that you compliment my body, I’d love it if more of your compliments didn’t feel so much about my sex appeal” and “won’t don’t you compliment my face?”
When you pick a fight with someone, it’s unreasonable to then get upset with them for not coming over to comfort you.
You woke him up (intentionally, it sounds like, although maybe intentionally with plausible deniability) and yeah, no shit – it feels passive aggression and you’re being difficult, so of course he wanted to get out of that situation.
So you got mad he complimented your body (when you were naked) and not your face? Then you start crying and try to talk about it after midnight. You made something out of nothing and then he did the same. Both of you are immature.