I’ve been on my own for a month following very social months.
During this introspective time I’ve realised that many times when I decide to hang out with people it’s either that:
– I’m running away from myself
– I’m too scared to say “no” I don’t want to hang out.
Especially the “no” to not wanting to hang out is bothering me. I’m scared to say no to people in fear of them never asking again and after a long time of not hanging out that we’ll end up no longer being friends.
I often find myself finding reasons why I can’t hang out (busy doing other things or so). But I’d like to feel ok with saying just “no” and if people ask why that I can say “I’m just not in the mood” or such.
I’m also scared of like what about when I want to hang out – what if no one wants to hang out and I go crazy because I have no one to socialise with. They do say humans need interaction and I’ve realised many of my friendships are based on my fears mentioned above. Leaving me really drained and also having no connection with people.
Can someone help me make sense of all this?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I’ve also come to love my own company and find my own hobbies that I’m delving into and hanging out with people weekly keeps me away from my hobbies I feel. It feels like a waste of time.
6 comments
“Can I take a rain check? I’m a bit tired from the week.”
“Let’s do something another time. I’m just not feeling it today”
“Definitely invite me next time but this time I’m gonna have to say no bc xyz”
“Oh wow thanks for the invite, I have to get some stuff done so do you think we can do this another time?”
“Normally I’d say yes but xyz is happening. Want to do something next week?”
If people make an effort to reach out to you, and you say no for whatever reason – then you always have the option of following up and making an effort to reach out to them later.
If someone stops asking to hang out after you keep saying “no” – its almost always because they think *you* don’t like *them*.
So you just need to make it up to them and be the one to put in the effort next time!
Dont disrespect yourself like that, just say “I’ll take a rain check on that, or “I’ll pass this time but thank you”
Schedules get crazy as adults and most everyone is completely understanding so don’t sweat it too much.
As others have said, don’t ever let it be a one way street. You can ask them too. If they’re asking for an event with a hard deadline (concert, sports event, etc) then say next time. If it’s more informal (food/drinks, kids playdate) then I always suggest another time when I respond even if it’s weeks out until I’m available. That way you’re saying ‘not that day’ instead of ‘no’ and they know you really want to do it.
I usually word it like:
“I love hanging out with you, I’m just exhausted this week.”
“that sounds like a plan, but can we reschedule it for next week? My schedule is packed”
“Honestly, I love your company, but I’ve been so mentally stressed and I feel I need to take a few weeks to myself.”
“I’ve been working on a lot lately, I might need a while before I can free up time to start hanging out”
You don’t always have to make excuses if being busy; you could literally just say “nah I’m not feeling like hanging out” or “I’m not up for it”
My best friend and I do that LOL
If someone can’t understand and respect that then that’s on them not you. Don’t worry my friend 😀