No one in my circle really shares my interests. I love chatting with people throughout the day and hanging out with my long-distance partner at night, but I really, really struggle coming up with things to talk to people about. I’ve always been socially awkward, anxious, and struggled connecting with people, so I know that is a huge part of my problem. Any suggestions to help me connect with others more?
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I have this problem too. It’s like as if it’s hard to engage conversation or even hold one.
Find an activity where socializing happens naturally. Like a low-key local hangout that has board games for strangers to meet up and play.
find a club in your area or if you are into fitness, join a workout group to find people who have more similar interests to you. also, asking someone else questions is good because it puts the pressure off of you and people love to talk about themselves. it can be as simple as “what did you do this weekend” and then build off of there. maybe they respond with “i went golfing” you can say “where at” and so on with literally anything.
Sucks when you can’t find anyone who likes the same stuff. I know how that is.
In that case, talking about topical things OR fairly universal topics works for me. The former means talking about or asking someone how they feel about a shared situation, like work or school. The latter means talking about stuff like the walk you went out on, or in my case, “I got a woodpecker to sit on my hand yesterday.” kind of thing. People can more easily understand & relate to that than my issues with the modern gaming industry or what i like about x anime.
Not at all, not at all.
Have I had bouts of this and sometimes by choice, yes.
But no, I can be the one you miiight actually have to tell you need a break. I usually have a good read on not getting to this point. But it has happened.
Yes, i feel this so much. I have little friends and struggle to make conversation, i feel like I’m socially inept most days. For some weird reason the difficulty changes when making conversation, like I can talk and be myself sometimes but other times I simply cant even think of words to add into a convo. I don’t think the topic is the issue its just easy sometimes and other times its extremely difficult.
That’s crazy. Tell me more. What city are you in? Have you been there long? Did you grow up there? How was that like? Oh really? That’s interesting. So what was your favorite thing to do growing up there? You got family still in the area? Just brothers and sisters, or do you have cousins living near by too? Do you share any hobbies with them? Damn you’re so interesting. Really. I feel like I could never run out of things to talk about with you.
People all have a different story man. Make an attempt at figuring out theirs and you’re golden.
You can talk about recent news.
When I was young, it seemed like that sometimes but I think I’ve always been an extroverted introvert or vice versa. It took me a while to just allow myself to be myself in these situations. I mean obviously you can’t take all your armor off, if you do you’ll get hurt until you are around somebody that you trust. But you can take some of your armor off and just kind of take it Moment by moment. And if something is happening that you’re curious about, put some energy into that. If you’re not, don’t. That actually works even if you’re sitting alone in a bar or someplace you’ve never been before where there are some expectations of at least a little social interactions even with strangers. Just pay attention every moment what’s going on and take it all in. It’s like you’re reading a novel. If an interesting character to you develops from it and interacts with you, great. If not it’s okay. It’s just part of the story. The more you pay attention, the more you will be able to even do things like talk about the weather and have it not be boring. There’s humor involved there’s irony there’s ruefulness there’s common experience there’s joking about the fact that you’re talking about the weather, and if you’re that way, you’re opening up tangents for the other person constantly. If they’re not into it, well then move on. But still enjoy the interaction. It’s all about paying attention and wanting to be where you’re at even if you’re nervous.
Most people have a crazy stream of thoughts going on in their heads at any one moment. Its so difficult to turn this stream off that you have to meditate to possibly pause this stream for a few minutes. So everything you need to say is already in your head and you just have to turn your thought into words. Now you can’t say everything that pops in your head, but if you had 5 thoughts, at least 1 of is going to be appropriate.
The reason you have nothing to say is your anxiety causes you to stop listening to them, and this prevents your mind stream from producing content related to what they are saying. Also your mind stream is focused on, “does this person like me”, “what if i run out of things to say”, “what if i come off as boring”. And when its focused on this nonsense, its not focused on content that is actually related to the conversation.
So whenever you get these anxious thoughts and start getting all meta about the conversation, mentally file them away, get back in the moment, and listen to the other person. Think about what they are saying, not about your anxiety.
I’m the same way, even around people I share interests with. I can talk about work-related things at work but I’m not so good talking about personal things. I I don’t really like talking about myself as I’m a very private person so I guess it doesn’t as readily occur to me to ask others about themselves. But even having things in common…I don’t really know what to start a conversation with. I can keep a conversation going if someone else starts it, but then someone else has to start it.
Not quite to be honest. I can find something to talk to anyone about. The issue for me is a lack of people to talk to.
Not lonely but there are times I want to get to know people and improve my social skills. Before I didn’t have social anxiety so it seemed easier for me to talk to any type of people even online through webcam chats or in Groupchats with strangers and this was before I went to Highschool and then social anxiety came. Now it’s not much of the anxiety these days, it is simply because my mind becomes blank alot of the times so I dont know how or where to begin when it comes to starting a conversation with someone unless they share a similar interest. Sometimes I feel like I end up sharing alot til the point that I run out of things to say and then it becomes a “dry” conversation later on or the next time we meet. I honestly feel more comfortable alone but I would like to improve my social skills and meet a variety of peeps out there that I can have some sorta connection with just to learn and get to know i guess. I am an open minded person as well but i feel like there are times I need to be more open minded than I am now since i believe it can keep the conversation going. One of the only ways I can keep a conversation going is if I am not familiar with a certain topic, i curiously ask them about that topic they are speaking to me about but I try not to overdo it. Another one is I guess adding like a sidestory to it but that occurs in topics I can relate to or know about. So yea I do have that problem but sometimes I do not so it all depends.
I had this problem too until I realized that what most people talk about is just non trascendental stuff, and they do it just for the pleasure of talking. You don’t really need to bring up the perfect topic to be allowed to speak, just be aware that some people are going to want to listen to what you say and others won’t, just as you probably are not that into every conversation you have with every person you talk to, it’s perfectly normal so don’t beat yourself down cause that’s probably as deep as it goes.
If you get stuck just ask questions, one of the enjoyable things of conversation is getting to know about other peoples lifes and what they have in mind.
It’s not really on you to be interesting to others, its on them and their personal preferences, their mood at that moment, etc. So just enjoy talking and listening.
Be curious about them.
Have conversations about what they like, what they do in their spare time, hobbies, interests, personal life. And just keep asking questions about it, with genuine curiosity. If they’re good ppl they’ll eventually ask about you and then see if there’s some common ground somewhere. Or find local groups with similar interests.
Main thing is to put yourself out there
Best of luck. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems
there’s never a reason to talk if you’re only talking for talkings sake, the you wont enjoy the conversation.
There is always something you share interest with someone else albeit same phones or opinions.
There is things you can practice on when it comes to social cues and skills but usually for anxious people it’s just staying relaxed and being in the moment.
I have this problem too. Job , home , home job. Everyday feel like zombie life
The only way is by sharing their interests or having anecdotes to talk about by doing interesting activities and interacting with other people. “Interesting” is relative though so just have an active life, the more experience you have the more things you’ll have to say I guess.
Ask people about their lives and listen to them when they talk. Stop thinking about your anxiety and focus on what the person is saying.