Women of reddit, how did you make it work in a relationship with someone who was still hung up on their ex?

15 comments

1. I didn’t.

2. I wouldn’t. That’s such a disrespect to yourself.

3. You absolutely do not. Find you someone who is hung up on you, right now.

4. I didn’t. I left.

5. I didn’t and I wouldn’t. I have too much self-respect to be putting up with that crap.

6. Are they the last person in the world? You don’t try to compete with their ex, you leave as soon as you hear it.

7. You can’t. You end up damaging yourself while trying. I will never do that again.

8. I don’t think you can make it work if that person is still caught up with their EX. You got to give them space, let them process whatever they need to, and let them move forward at their own pace.

9. “Sorry but I don’t feel comfortable dating someone who still loves their ex.”

10. I had an ex with a best friend that he was in love with.

    She knew he liked her and I found out she was texting him questions like, ‘who’s prettier, me or scapegoatlass?’ The ex said her, obviously.

    As soon as I found out, I packed my bags and left.

11. I didn’t. I just left. And he wound up going back to his ex literally days after we broke up and I moved out.

12. My (ex) best friend started dating a guy last summer who wasn’t over his ex. The first time I met him, he mentioned his ex like ten different times. I told my friend my concern, which is when she revealed her boyfriend had sex with the ex TWO DAYS BEFORE THEY BEGAN DATING. Then she goes “it’s okay, I’m not over my ex either.” Their relationship was pointless and shallow, and they both ended up cheating with their exes.

13. I mean, you have a couple of different options.

    You can stay and just accept that fact that you aren’t their first choice, and if their ex wants them back, they will potentially leave. Think of Noah in the Notebook, but you’re the girl he’s seeing when Allie comes back.

    Or you can leave, and find someone who is ready for you and will love you as if you are the only one.

    While it might be easy for someone else to say over the internet, “leave them and find better”. It really just depends on what you want and are okay with. We tend to accept the love we think we deserve, and we often think we deserve less than we do when blinded by our emotions.

    The choice is yours, OP. But honestly, it’s moreso, “are you okay with being slightly heartbroken all the time, knowing you are second choice? Or do you want to find someone who is open and ready to be with you?”

    You can either accept it for what it is or try to find better. The choice is yours.

14. You dont.

15. You can’t.

    They have to choose what they want, and if they want someone else and are settling for you, you will simply never be enough.

    Why on gods green earth would you put yourself through that?

    I tried, and all I ended up with was disordered eating, anxiety, an incredibly fucked up self-esteem, even more incredibly fucked up body image, and a lot of trauma to unlearn.

    It’s not worth it. No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you like them, no matter what you want from them, if they’re stuck on someone else they are not actively choosing you. And if they are not actively choosing you, you’re being used.