I a 15 yo M don’t have any qualities, I’m not beautiful yet not ugly, not smart neither dumb, recently I’ve been wondering if living is even worth it anymore, I don’t enjoy it anymore, almost my whole life I’ve been just existing with no goal neither reason to keep on going and that has led me to multiple sleepless nights just like this one, pondering if a knife to neck would be easier then waking up next morning.
After a couple of years and one crush I’ve come to the conclusion that I by myself can’t enjoy living but maybe if I have someone or something that will change.
No idea what do I want to accomplish writing this as I’m just that desperate for any piece of advice regarding this hell of a situation.
11 comments
Pretend this is 40-yr old you replying…
There’s nothing more important than being alive.
15…you’re still just a baby. You know nothing about the world yet. Find something to focus on to occupy your time – school and health are great options at your age. Turn your focus to things that interest you and you’ll meet people that have things in common with you.
Explore the world. There’s so many interesting people out there. Find them.
I can tell you this.. some things get a lot easier the older you get and other things get more challenging.. I can guarantee you life will get better if can change your perception. I don’t condone drug use but, damn dude take a few shrooms and enjoy the journey.. those heavy things will get so much lighter for a bit and allow you to re-center yourself
I felt like this quite often as a teen…and then things got better. There’s a confidence that comes through figuring out “who you are” and at 16/17 I (can now see, with the benefit of years of perspective) was just muddling through. Both wanting to stand out and also wanting to fit in perfectly with the crowd (and doing neither well). Please don’t take this to mean that I’m suggesting your feelings are less valid because of your age (because false); maybe consider giving yourself the benefit of the doubt and the grace to have some time and space to see that you do in fact have redeeming qualities? Another thought to consider is that living is worth it full stop; other people are good to have around as a bonus. You’ll get there. I’ve got confidence in and for you while you’re finding it for yourself. 💜
I remember feeling at 15, like I had barely had a chance to see or do anything, and also feeling like I was running out of time. Now in my 40’s, understanding that there is sooo much I wasn’t capable of doing at that age without a foundation of experience and learning to go with it. Some experiences are like fireworks, flashy and bright, a highlight in the memory banks. And other moments took literal years to get to, like graduations, marriage, children…. Built in the daily moments of life with consistency and endurance and not achievable within the scope of a 15 year old. My father told me when I graduated High school, if you don’t know what you want to be, then try everything you can. See what you like and what you don’t. Try customer service. Try travel. Try bartending. Try computers. Do it to learn who you are and what you want. It’s okay to not know. Most don’t. Just try and see who you become. Good luck!!
I always saw myself as a blank canvas. You have your whole life to fill it in with things you like.
To find the things you like you have to explore which can be scary, we also make mistakes in the moment, these are but temporary and needed to discover what you dislike as well.
We would like clarity about ourselves before we take action. But we can only find clarity by action.
I will finish with a quote from Jim Rohn that helped me tremendously, I hope it does something for you too.
If you change, everything will change for you.
If you get better, everything will get better for you.
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People don’t need to reach a certain bar to ‘deserve’ being alive. Ugly people, dumb people, beautiful people and smart people all deserve to live. Useless people and useful people deserve to live. Qualities don’t really affect that a ton.
One thing that helped me with my suicidal thoughts was a funny poster with a skeleton playing guitar. “TODAY FUCKING SUCKS // TOMORROW MIGHT NOT //ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT… BE THERE.”
Since making that resolution I’ve found that indeed the days get better. The teenage years were the worst, but by 25+ I started to find that my overall well-being was in a good place of contentment and excitement regardless of my emotions. I’m still actually having great days, and I wish every 15-year-old could know how nice it feels to be out of the teenage years.
Anyway in terms of actionability… one thing that helped me was finding a goal to be a continuous net-positive effect on the people around me. I want to keep living so I can keep doing cool things.
That though *did not* help some of my friends with depression, though, who felt like they were a burden somehow (they’re wrong, but of mental illness operates via lies of course). Anyway, my depressed friends instead found reason to live being based on videogames and media. Seriously.
Like “I can’t kill myself until mass effect 3 comes out.”
then “I can’t kill myself until the next Bioware game comes out.”
then “I can’t kill myself until Nintendo stops making games”,
and then “I can’t kill myself until Nintendo stops making games and also I run out of music to listen to”,
and then “I can’t kill myself until I run out of music to listen to and I’ve fully mastered guitar”,
and then “I can’t kill myself until I’ve run out of things to learn in general”.
I hope some part of this multiparagraph wall is helpful. It’s definitely tough being in your position, but you’ll get through.
If you’re able to, try to go out somewhere new and just percieve the world around you. Life is a gift and a privilege, we don’t know why we have it, but we do, so we better make the best of it while it lasts! You’ll be okay!
Most of us are average, few extraordinary. You don’t need to be extraordinary to be worthy and loved and happy. You gotta figure out how to love and accept you, those people radiate and attract others who want to be near that kind of energy. And if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or depression been there and you don’t have to be alone. Being a teen is the absolute pits and it gets better. Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Help for anxiety, depression, suicide, school. Text HOME to 741741.
You are WORTHY and you are NEEDED and you are LOVED!
You don’t have to have life figured out…many of us don’t. I’m in my 30s and still figuring it out. Right now, just focus on a few things that you like such as picking up a new hobby or playing a sport. Doesn’t have to be anything big. Try getting outdoors and exercising to give you a bit of energy.
a) pretty sure you have tons of redeeming qualities you just aren’t seeing b) you don’t need any to enjoy life c) wait it out, you probably have 60 more years of life and some of them will be absolute bangers d) time speeds up every second you are alive, 60 years is NOT a long time, don’t worry you’ll be dead quite soon and there’s no point in intervening on behalf of the inevitable