I 27 female married to my husband 32 male of 18 months together for 5 years and have two children together 3 year old male and 18 month old female, am wondering if I should leave my husband for constantly disrespecting me and not considering my feelings.
My husband has a best friend/brother like bond with his closest friend for the sake of this post I’ll call him Jack.
Jack’s wife let’s call her Jill were throwing a BBQ birthday party for their 11 year son (name not important). On to the issue.
Everyone was out the front sitting around the verandah eating and drinking and I was on the grass on my hands and knees giving horsey rides to my son while my daughter chased after us and my son slipped off my back and landed on my left hand (16kg weight landing on 3 rings and bones) and I yelped in pain and whisper growled “get off my hand little tick turd that hurts” (tick turd is a pet name my husband gave our son – inside joke if you will) and my son immediately hugged me and said love you mummy.
Suddenly I hear someone yelling and screaming about child abuse and horrible parenting and it took me a moment to realise that Jill’s mother whom I barely knew was screaming insults and swears at me, so once the shock wore off I looked at Jill to see if she was going to say something to her mother but she was just sitting not saying anything and I was getting frustrated by someone going off on me for no reason.
Jill’s mum: (screaming insults I barely understand)
Me: oh be quite
Jill’s mum: EXUSE ME WHAT DID YOU SAY!
Me: what makes you think you can talk to me like that.
(BTW I suffer from PTSD, Anxiety and severe depression from child abuse, neglect and being raised by narcissistic parents)
Jill’s mum: YOU HAVE SOME F******NERVES TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT!
Jill: (angrily) you know she’s my mum right.
Me: yeah so? (While giving the ‘are you serious’ face)
Jill’s mum: I HAVE TO F****** LEAVE BEFORE I DO SOMETHING I REGRET.
Jill: (to my husband) you need to collect your wife and leave right now
So my husband takes me home and says Im a terrible person for snapping at Jills family because Jill is like a bear who will kill you if you do anything to her cubs. So I tell him he is a terrible person for sitting there and not sticking up for me and i went to sleep in the spare room.
My husband is extremely mad at me because he can’t hang with them until our fight is resolved and he wants me to stop rocking the boat, and while he understands I’m upset I need to get over it and to calm down and grow up and if I ever give him an Ultimatum between me or his best buddy and God children he’ll choose them over me
Help me wise strangers of the internet would i be wrong for calling the quits. my husband and I are the godparents to all four of their kids and the hubbies are matching tattoo brothers.
TLTR: playing with my kids and random woman screams I’m an abusive parent.
33 comments
Well you win the prize for the ***Weirdest Shit I’ve Ever Read on Reddit.***
So heat of the moment stuff happens however your husband has said he’ll pick them over you which pretty much says it all about how much he values your relationship
It’s really up to you whether you want to leave or not. But you need to talk to your husband on you would like future situations to be handled. If he is automatically going to take their side over yours than to me it’s a dealbreaker.
This can’t be the only reason you’re thinking of leaving him. You’re in a whole marriage with kids and this is the end? My guess is this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I mean your nickname for him is a slightly less offensive version of “little shit”. If I heard someone call their kid a little shit, especially in what I perceived as an aggressive tone over an accident, I might worry what that same parent would do behind closed doors.
If you were a reasonable person, you KNOW calling your kid a little shit in front of people is going to raise alarms. When someone has a reaction, the last thing you want to do is escalate and get belligerent with them because YOU are already the one under the microscope for something that you did wrong in the situation. What a normal person would do would be apologize, explain it was a moment of pain and you don’t usually talk to you kid like that, and explain the origin of the nickname if you think it will make you sound less like you called him a little shit. What you did was ensure there would be a fight and make yourself look more guilty. Objectively, between the two families your behavior is a lot harder to defend. Your spouse doesn’t have to defend you when you’re the one in the wrong.
Just an FYI- be prepared if you do leave for him to have a whole lot of witnesses regarding alleged child abuse, especially if this is not the first incident. He may end up with the kids.
Simple answer: I’m not going to be around them (nor will our children) until I get an apology. If you feel like your wife and family are less important than your friends, then we need to have a serious discussion with counselor to see where our marriage is headed. I was disrespected and you refuse to see my point of view. That’s not a partnership.
Nah if Jill wanted to sit there and let her mom talk $hit to you and then get mad when you defended yourself then she can sit there with your separated husband. Maybe a break with show both of you what you need. And all the people saying you’re being over reactive, I genuinely want to know if they read what I read cause I clearly see that he’d pick his godchild and friends over his own WIFE AND SON. Standing there not defending her and then talking crap to her too, f him. I’m mad now. 😒
I don’t understand, if this is a known nickname for your kid, than why don’t people you have spent time with in the past know this?
I just don’t think it was the nickname that Jill’s mother was reacting to.
Tell Jill and her mom to mind their own motherhood. Since your husband has already told you that he will choose them over you, it seems he made the choice for you.
Your husband’s apathy here is concerning. He sat there and did nothing, centering everyone else’s comfort, including his own, when he should have been jumping in and defending his wife. Even a calm, “actually, that’s a pet name we have for our son. I’d appreciate it if you would stop screaming at my wife and scaring my child”. But he left you to fend for yourself and is now putting pressure on you to relent so he, again, isn’t inconvenienced and everyone else is comfortable.
I’m sensing this is nothing new and he is unlikely to change :/
If hubby allows SIL and her mom t scream at you, I would be out of there!! F that!!
Hubby should be protecting you!!
Saying he would pick his friends over you is an instant deal breaker for me……I may not agree with all my wifes actions, but she is and always will be my number one priority. Not same gamer friend with a matching tattoo….
No you would not be wrong to leave your husband for that. Also as someone who also suffers from anxiety I’m just going to say…. wow!! You did an amazing job speaking up and defending yourself. You should be very proud of yourself.
Jill and her mother are a bunch of C U Next Tuesdays. Good riddance to all of them.
If Jill’s mother called you names (other than one you prefer) then it is considered verbal abuse. However, your husband seems to need to be educated on what verbal abuse is. Free speech was added as a right to the US constitution to allow people to speak about mistreatment. One form under the definition of mistreatment is verbal abuse. It does not matter if swear words were used or not because name calling is name calling.
I thought maybe you were over reacting right up until where he said he’d choose them over you.. dude clearly has more love for his friends than his wife…. I’d walk for that reason alone
He said he would pick them over you. You guys have kids and he said he would pick them. He’s not worth keeping. At all. You deserve someone who would be on your side, this guy is trash.
This is a wildly immature man (having a job does not make one mature just able bodied) you are allowing yourself to not only be the only parent, but also ply the part of his parent. He speaks to you as only a spolied child can to a parent, and you know this. He allows you to be disrespected because you are not on the same level as him, in his mind. These interactions with these so called friends are not true interactions where you and your opinions are valued. You have come down to a level where your little boys nickname is that of bodily waste, no matter how you try to reason that out you know thats one more comprimise you made when your son(husband) thought it up. Stop lowering yourself to his level and that of his friends. Raise your head. You are in this cycle because of your past. Break it.
You are right to leave him. He literally told you that you are an inferior priority. You’re the mother of his children. There is only one thing more important than a just partnership between you and your husband here: your children. Not his best buddy, not his god children. YOU are the fundamental part of his family unit. Yeah, leave him.
Who calls their kid tick turd?
The way this is written screams fake to me.
I think everything bad he’s done to you and your kids doesn’t trump the fact that he literally said he would choose his mate over you & your kids..
That alone would have me packing and getting legal advice re a divorce.
Leave him. He’s not worth the mental gymnastics.
He just told you he’d pick them over you, what other choice is there? Pick yourself and gtfo
You sound so trashy. Screaming at your son calling him a turd? In what world is this an appropriate pet name for a child? And then going on to insult the host and their mother? You have no manners and I also wouldn’t have encouraged or supported this type of behaviour. Your husband seemingly waited until you were at home to point out you behaved poorly, which I can’t fault him for. I want to remind everyone that we are reading OPs version of events, the one that paints her in the most favourable light possible. Yet she still doesn’t come off great and every person who was actually there(!) seemingly agreed OP behaved out of line.
Are you ok with being married to someone who can barely provide for your family. Is this who you want to settle for?
I mean.. He said he would choose their family over yours so.. I think you should choose yourself and get out
This is stupid.
Let your dumbass of a husband choose then.
You will get 1 of 2 outcomes:
1. You tell him to choose, thereby calling his immature HS bluff and he can no longer use the whole “They can do whatever they want and so can I because if you say anything against them I’ll just tell you I’ll choose them and keep you in your place” MANIPULATION TACTIC.
Or
2. He does actually choose his best buddy and their family over his own fucking family and wife and you’re 200lbs lighter and can go and find a man that will always choose you.
Neither of these results is an L, u/sherry199520
Edit: word
Throw this whole ass man child away and run hon. You deserve better, and you are already living as if you were a single mom anyway. Run and don’t look back.
Your husband sounds pathetic. I’m so sorry for you OP! If he openly says that he’s gonna choose them over you then contact your lawyers, divorce him and take everything he has. Then he can live happily ever after with his tattoo bro
Honest opinion, dump his ass. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sounds like a normal family reunion to me, tbh I think Jill’s mom over reacted and your partner needs to grow a pair.
This is 100% the fakest story I’ve ever read. If an argument can be described as stiff, this is it. Like imagine an argument sounding like that in real life. 🤣🤣
Calling Tick Turd to you own kid might be a funny thing to do if you’re just joking around, but if he falls on your and you talk to him angrily that way, it comes of as very demeaning and abusive to me.
The fact that you also escalated the situation and told her to be quiet instead of explaining your reasoning shows that you have a temper and impulsive behaviour, or you have some unresolved issues with Jill or her mum.
Your husband, while he could have been more collective, had to take you out of there due to your own actions and was upset about the whole scene you caused and failed to contain, and the fact that you want to leave him after such incident, shows that there are more underlying issues in that relationship.
You have only pointed out your husband flaws without mentioning any of your own, so you seem to have a quite narcissistic approach to life.
I suggest you separate and raise your kids separately trying to maintaing a polite co-parenting situation for the kids sake. That relationship is doomed and toxic and won’t bring any benefits to the kids.
(I would never in a million years talk to my own son like that)
Why would you want to stay married to someone who would choose his best friend’s wife’s mother over you?
Honestly this post is all over the place!
What I can’t get out me head is a group of adults are sitting eating and drinking and you are.on your hands and knees giving your 16kg son horsey rides while they all watch.
I don’t have kids so I can’t really say but this seems very weird.
Tick turd is also a super weird pet name.
Like did Jill’s mother freak out because your son fell or because you called him tick turd? And what does jill being a bear who would kill for her cubs have to do with anything? Were her children involved in this?
I’m very confused.