So I broke up with my bf (20 M) a few months ago (for saying he wanted to date other girls, and not treating me well at the time, though he’s better now) and during the time we broke up (when we weren’t together), I (20 F) messaged my ex from a year ago to hang out for the weekend, and talked about the breakup.
Then I got back together with current bf on Friday night, the night before I planned to hang out with my ex. So after I went to sleep the only thing I messaged him the next day was, “nvm i got back together with bf yesterday. Do you want to study at campus instead?” He said no, and I didn’t respond, and haven’t talked to him since that question. I didn’t bother deleting the message.
I always let my bf go through my phone, so I let him go through my phone and he found me saying “do you want to study with me at campus?” when he was going through my messages and is calling me a cheater and saying he doesn’t love me anymore. He told me to block him on everything so I did. But he still says he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore. He told me if I take him out on a date and a movie he maybe will love me again.
I don’t consider this cheating but I want to know your opinion. Is this relationship save-able? I really love him. Any advice on what I should do?
Update: he is talking to me like he always does and making his usual jokes (not out of the ordinary or attacking jokes). Not sure if this means he forgives me. He still didnt say I love you like he always does. Anytime I ask if he loves me he says, “we’ll see”
48 comments
>He told me if I take him out on a date and a movie he will consider loving me again.
Thats hella weird. Are you a gay couple by any chance?
You’re bf is an ah, he can only love you if you buy his love? Nah dump the man child and find someone that’s actually going to love you free of charge.
Hahahahaha, what? He thinks you cheated so he wants you to take him out so he considers loving you again? Is he 12? This is so messed up, on so many levels. He’s a toddler who is not even remotely ready for an adult relationship. No, you didn’t cheat, no, it’s not ok to go through a partner’s phone, no, he is not able to be a good partner to you right now.
Honestly, you haven’t done anything wrong.. but you already know that. If he cannot handle you simply talking with someone else when you are not together, he doesn’t deserve you. Also, thats good that you trust each other with your phones.. complete honesty in a relationship is paramount.
Why are you this close with your ex boyfriend?
He decided he didn’t want to dump you, which he should garbage, so he is going to use this to punish you for being a piece of shit.
You did some significant monkey branching, not sure if it’s cheating, but hell no. Him, then me, then him then me. Hell no. Not cheating though. But expect to be dumped. Significant porridge stirring. Lol
broken up twice in less than a year. this relationship is toxic and just doesn’t work. date other people
It’s not cheating, but going through phones is toxic and your relationship does not sound healthy.
While you didn’t cheat per say you did run to your ex fairly quickly and chose to hang out with him after getting back together with your bf. It’s not a good look. Having your ex constantly around (even if you say you didn’t contact him during the relationship) is a no no. Here’s a tip: leave your exes in the past cuz most people won’t tolerate them still being in the picture.
You said “20 M” but he sounds 13.
Lol. Looks like he wants a free meal
My question is of all people ” why did you plan to find comfort with your ex and then plan to hang out in campus”?
From his perspective he will definitely consider it questionable and he is right in that way .
As far as the people who lacks perspective pretending to be mechanically ideal, yes it is absolutely hurting to see your recent ex trying to hang out with her ex.
His way of dealing it is also normal each have their way. Not everyone reacts like some dude from mills and boon novels.
But the red flag is that it’s a toxic relationship. I agree with that.
He’s better now you said? This is sad to watch.
“We’ll see” when you have enough self-respect to realize why you stay broken up with an asshole. Yikes.
Girl, leave.
I’m surprised at how many people break-up and the first person they contact is an ex. Why? The person is an ex for a reason. And usually., not a good reason. Why not try and find a new person?
As to you bf, he’s a bit of an ass. You did change the type of meeting after you got back together. Clearly your ex sees you as a romantic interest and not a friend.
Why in the world would you want to save this relationship? Instead, you should study it carefully and look out for any of these behaviors as a red flag in future relationships
? yo! dip on his toxic ass. this is like middle school age bs
OP is this guy abusive? Sounds like he’s sucked in you with promises of being changed but he’s just become slightly more sophisticated in his mistreatment – seriously? he’ll “see” if he loves you? That’s not how healthy people operate.
You were not together at the time you were talking to your ex, so you were not cheating.
Dump him, and find someone else who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
🤮
Why would you even call your ex? Are you that starved for attention? Can’t stay single for a minute? Sheesh. Even though you didn’t cheat, like why even do that? That’s my question.
I’m just saying it’s not a good look to run after your ex the second you break up with your bf, then expect him to be all cool with you.
Lmaoooo seems like he finally has an excuse to exit the relationship and blame you for it. I wouldnt trust this guy unless you think he is really this dumb and immature. In any case, fuck him
Listen, you broke up for a reason. Stop going back to exs!
What did I just read…? This relationship is not worth saving imo.
I hate to tell you your boyfriend doesn’t trust you or love you. If you are not allowed to have male friends (ex boyfriends or not) then your bf is way to jealous to love you truly. His whole
>He told me if I take him out on a date and a movie he maybe will love me again.
is not him trying to get you to prove you love him but him proving his manhood to himself.
Tell him since he doesn’t love you anymore then you will just go find a new man who can express love properly instead of playing with your heart like it’s his own personal toy.
Lol this seems like a lot of work for a 20 yo
Do you struggle with being alone? Straight from ur BF to your EX to your BF again.
Just another dude who dumped you because he wanted more women, then discovered women can get SO MANY more men. That type of man always throws a tantrum about it. Dump him and move on from them both.
This relationship sounds exhausting. He leaves you to sleep with other girls. You immediately try to make your ex a booty call. And then you get back with your current boyfriend and he says he won’t like you unless you buy him food.
Nah. Leave him. This all sounds like BS.
Sounds like he needs to communicate with you, and vice versa. Clarifying boundaries in a relationship is paramount to the success of it. Cheating depends on what both parties discuss, as it varies from person to person. being petty after a disagreement bodes ill towards your goals as a couple.
You are both children 🤦♂️
Nobody in this story is ready to be in a relationship with anyone.
He sounds like an emotionally manipulative asshole and you should of stayed broken up. Girl you are 20! Drop the douche bag.
This is manipulative and controlling af…. Very toxic person to be dating right now. Highly recommend not continuing to be with them…
Your boyfriend is a toxic asshole. I’m really sorry you can’t see that, but you will eventually regret wasting your time on this guy.
He’s manipulating you.
Girl what??? Your bf is NOT better now and he will never get better. He’s throwing up constant red flags and you are just proving his shit works on you by getting back together
If you’re not cheating and he insists you are, then drops it without apologizing, he’s holding that grudge for later. Probably for whenever he ends up cheating on you so that he can justify it. This dude already admitted he wants to do it, and he doesn’t respect you, even though he might be pretending to right now. He’s saying you can cheat on him and it’s fine if you buy him stuff, wtf. Since you didn’t cheat at all, this is blatantly just guilt tripping you into giving free food
Honestly, dump his ass, explain the situation to your ex, and see where things go from there. But I would suggest you be really careful hooking up with your exes, your judge of character seems to be way too forgiving.
Only dummies have relationships like this
Uh, why is he your bf?
You’re better than this. Heck, your ex may be better than your current ‘bf.’
Don’t try to bribe him to ‘get his love.’ Girl, believe me, been there, done that. It didn’t work. You’re just going to be broke instead. I know. Like I said, been there. Now I hope you at least don’t do the stupid thing I did back at your age to keep a bf who didn’t deserve your love.
Also. No, it’s not cheating.
Also, stop asking if he loves you. Block that A$$HOLE.
Love isn’t conditional you can’t buy it. Whatever happened to get you to go back to him was just a ruse.
Tell him no and block him on all platforms and never see him again. You deserve better than that.
…dude. Leave the relationship please.
>He told me if I take him out on a date and a movie he maybe will love me again.
Seriously?
We’ll see? That should be enough to dump him and move on, OP. Btw – you treated your ex pretty appallingly
Love is not transactional. If he loves you, he loves you. End of story. Please stop letting him manipulate you. Also if trust is broken, it isn’t fixable by being brought out on a date. He’s being ridiculous and I’d honestly be rethinking this whole relationship. Good luck Op because he sounds immature and selfish.
My God, you’re dating a 5 year old…..
If nothing else, your very last line should be the clincher. “We’ll see??” That is so toxic. Allow me to translate that for you.
“I have no idea what love actually is, but I understand it’s something that you silly females think is important, so I’ll dangle it just out of reach, so I can enjoy the power trip of watching you salivate for it, while you try to make me happy enough to give it to you.”
That’s what that means. Now ask yourself. What is his love really worth to you?
What the fuck is this preschool maturity level shit?