Final Edit and I’m signing off: I realise my issue is not “my boyfriend is fucking my sister” and more of just “I am aware my sister is having sex/ She is not discrete about her sex life to me”. So I’ve concluded that I’m going to just ask him and her to be more discrete about it so I don’t have to think about her in bed. Also, I bring up my bf’s presence on the spectrum because some people don’t understand how he is missing the concept and are jumping to the conclusion he is being malicious. I’ve talked to him. He legit doesn’t get it. Seriously. I’m not calling him dumb, and I want you all to stop calling him dumb or malicious. He’s a good person, he just struggles with some things and I support him.

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Signing off, bye, everyone! (Could mods lock this, maybe?)

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~~\~\~To clarify: I am poly/ethically non monogamous. I don’t care that my boyfriend is sleeping with other people, we also share a girlfriend. I just learned recently that my sister, who I haven’t seen in a while, is 1. in town, and 2. is and has been FWB with my now boyfriend. I’ve come to visit him a few times and not realised she was over and ended up seeing her less dressed than a person would want to see their sister. She’s also left undergarments at the house that he mentioned were hers.\~\~~~

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~~\~\~I like him, and I don’t want to make her stop seeing him or anything, but I feel so gross thinking about her and him in bed together, how do I deal with those feelings?\~\~~~

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~~\~\~Edit: A few things for clarity:\~\~~~

~~\~\~- I’m a guy, my sister is a trans woman, and I’m pretty sure my bf is on the spectrum and doesn’t process anything weird about this.\~\~~~

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~~\~\~- My bf didn’t know she and I were related until well after I started dating him and one day he just introduced me to “one of his FWBs” at a club, not knowing I knew her already.\~\~~~

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~~\~\~I don’t want to break them up or break off with him. I just want to distance myself from my feelings and treat her the same as I treat all of the other FWBs he has.\~\~~~

44 comments

  1. You may be non monogamous but “Don’t fuck my relatives” is a healthy boundary and it should probably be added to the list.

  2. Since y’all are in an open relationship then what’s the issue? U don’t want him banging ur sister?

  3. >I like him, and I don’t want to make her stop seeing him or anything, but I feel so gross thinking about her and him in bed together, how do I deal with those feelings?

    Sorry you’re dealing with this, it sounds like a real shitshow. Have you shared these feelings with your boyfriend yet? What did he say?

    I’m also a bit confused about how he didn’t realize you and your sister were siblings; do you have different last names or something?

  4. He was with her first so why did you get with him? If you don’t like it then stop seeing him. Clearly you have other options that aren’t also fucking your sister.

  6. Yeah… that’s enough Reddit for me today. If there isn’t a part of your brain that’s not screaming: “Don’t continue to fuck someone who is currently fucking a relative of yours” then you need help.

  7. Being poly doesn’t mean one can’t cheat. Open relationships are about trust and consent. And if your bf is having sex with someone behind your back, without informing you about this new sexual partner, that could be considered a violation of the boundaries within a relationship.

    But with that being said, none of us can tell you how to feel or what to do in this situation. Because poly couples are vastly different from partner to partner.

  8. >I’m pretty sure my bf is on the spectrum and doesn’t process anything weird about this.

    As an autistic adult, the implication here is really damn insulting. No, autism has exactly nothing to do with this kind of behavior. Any autistic adult who is emotionally mature enough to be in a polygamous relationship is aware enough to know that it’s weird to have sex with two people who are also siblings.

  9. Regardless of your gender or sexual preferences, your partner having sex with your sibling is a hard no.

    I would be kicking both of them to the curb.

  10. I don’t see an easy way around this. Your feelings are completely valid.

    Edit: I hit submit by accident.

    We’re kinda hard wired to avoid sex with close genetic relatives and while obviously this isn’t the same it probably pushes the same buttons. It really isn’t the same dynamic as sharing a partner in a poly relationship. I’d be weird about sharing a toothbrush with any of my brothers, one especially because he makes some questionable choices to say the least. I can’t imagine how awkward this makes you feel and the possibility for this to create family drama is pretty high. Your best bet might be to distance yourself from the situation and get a little perspective. Maybe discuss being a little bit more exclusive by excluding any direct family members. Call it avoiding a conflict of interest.

  11. It doesn’t matter that he was fwb with her before he got together with you. Not fucking relatives is a pretty normal boundary I’d say.

  20. Got to hand it to you, you are very brave, you may have picked the absolute hardest possible relationship. Not sure I can give advice though, because this just seems way too hard.

  21. Ahhh poly the gift that keeps RA sub super entertaining. Any lifestyle that has you questioning why you’re not okay sharing sexual partners with your siblings has to be considered a cult.

  23. If you are even partially OK with your BF fucking your sister, like your immediate action isn’t to break up with him, then you need more help than reddit could ever provide

  24. >I don’t want to break them up or break off with him. I just want to distance myself from my feelings and treat her the same as I treat all of the other FWBs he has.

    This is a strange train of thought: You’re clearly uncomfortable with your boyfriend fucking your sister. You *don’t* have to force yourself to accept this dynamic; you’re allowed to have boundaries. Don’t most poly relationships steer clear of familial ties? Sort out your thoughts, talk with him.

  25. This really is late Rome. And don’t mistake this for a Christian fundamental rant because that just isn’t what this is
    This is an observation of our society as it slowly devolves into a septic sludge of banal ridiculousness and wholesale self delusion.
    It’s the diametric opposite of what Nietzsche labeled the “transvaluation of all values” .
    If you’re not familiar with the concept look it up…or not.
    My point is simple. We are living in another version of Late Rome.
    When I mention the word “decadence”, it typically conjures up some ribaldry-like French culture of excess and Bacchanalia or huge chunks of rich chocolate.
    Nope and Nope!
    That is the diluted definition that Is usually tauted by the progressive and the trust fund pseudo-intellectuals who worship at their altar.
    Decadence is as it sounds,,,decay! The decay of not simply the bs that the conservatives whine about [family values, Christianity, nuclear family yada Yada yada] but the decay of basic logic that is born of reality. REALITY!
    Reading your post and the state of the “living” standards, the act of your [boyfriend] having sex with your sibling is the speed bump that brought down the sign saying “somethings rotten in the state of Denmark?”
    With that i will end with questions. Answer if you like or don’t. I’m engaging in hopes of debate so no ad hominem or logical fallacies that hack politicians on both sides like to use.
    What exactly is
    “Poly/ethically non monogamous and what does it mean to you?
    Why are those that depart from the biological standard of man/woman and adopt some admixture of terms, why is that their being is so defined and tauted by their sexuality when that is just a small fraction of what makes frank—-frank or jules-jules! It would seem very limiting to me if someone said

    “oh look here comes that radiant, statuesque stallion of a man, Rick the heterosexual!”

    And when I got there I would say. I’m rick, I’m a heterosexual but has bisexual tendencies if I’m on Molly and I see David Beckham or Jason momoa!”

    I am way much more than that and so are you. In fact you’re it! There is not one like you and that is what makes you so goddamn special! I just hope you don’t limit your idea of YOU by the gossamer idea if sexuality as your core representation.

    Thank you!
    I yield!

  26. Lmfao you’re a goof, she’s a goof, he’s the smartest goof outta the three of you. Um everyone knows it’s wrong to fuck family members while poly like come on. You wanna blame it on the autism because you’re slow. This man is out here playing chess while you’re playing checkers dawg. You and your sister are officially sister wives(ik you’re a man but oh well). Imma log off now 😭😭😭

  33. Hahaha what the fuck did I just read

    Edit: In all seriousness, it’s time to fuck his brother. I see no other outcome to this clown situation.

    Edit: If you took the above serious, you need help.

  34. This is so fucking wild I couldn‘t stop laughing. This can‘t be real, only someone with 0 self-worth would even consider this remotely normal.

  36. Imagine how crazy and obviously fake this post would have looked 5 years ago. Now I’m not sure.

    The world is going in a very dark direction.

  41. Dear god this is beyond unhealthy.
    Retitle this to “How do I bury my negative feelings about my sister and my boyfriend are having sex so I can carry on what is turning out to be a new age Jerry Springer episode”.

    I will never get the next generation

  42. I mean, you SHOULD DEFINITELY think this is unhealthy. It’s your family member and definitely his gross attitude. If it was anyone from outside, it’s up to you but involving family members is just ain’t it.

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