I (22M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (20M) for about 6 months.
After that much time I have decided that she’s not the one for me. Also, I don’t feel like being in a serious relationship currently. The problem is that I don’t know how to initiate a bearable break up with my emotionally not so stable girlfriend, because I’m too afraid to harm her or send her in a depressive episode.
Let me tell you a story for you to get an idea what I’m dealing with:
A couple of nights ago we were having sex, she did something that irritated me and I said (maybe with a little different tone): ”why would you do that?” /I’m her first ever and she’s not great at sex, she just acts awkwardly, as if she’s a kid from a cartoon show who hasn’t ever seen a penis…I hoped that she would learn to be at least a bit sexual for that much of time but I was wrong /…as I said this I felt that her mood dropped, mine had dropped also, and I asked to stop the act with apologising her and telling her that I just lost motivation and that I saw that she isn’t that much into it also. We stopped. After ten minutes……..she had a panic attack. She couldn’t breathe, her legs were blueish, elevated blood pressure etc (yes, I measured it). I tried to calm her and reassure her that everything was okay and she didn’t do anything wrong (I lied, obviously). She calmed down after some 40 minutes and we talked about it. So that’s about her instability. Otherwise she’s a very nice girl, but not exactly what I’m seeking for.
Important note – she’s on antidepressants and it’s been a month and a half since she began taking them. I also have anxiety issues and I’m on antidepressants too, been taking them approx. 6-7 months.
We are visiting the same psychiatrist, maybe I should ask him for advice?
Oh, also, she never innitiates sex. That’s severely irritating.
**TLDR: I’ve been in a relationship for 6 months. I want to break up with this girl but she’s kind of emotionally unstable and I don’t know how to approach the situation without triggering her.**
Thanks in advance!
3 comments
Just be kind and gentle but to the point. “I’m sorry, I’ve had a nice time but this relationship isn’t working out for me so we need to go separate ways now.”
You can’t let someone down easy. It’s a fallacy. Also, no matter what you aren’t responsible for her mental health. It’s not working for you. She’s an adult. Her life is up to her.
> I’m too afraid to harm her or send her in a depressive episode.
It’s a risk you’ll have to take.
You have to learn that you’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings, or what happens in their lives.
Otherwise, you’re her prisoner for life.
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>A couple of nights ago we were having sex
Yeesh!
Sounds like a game of “Russian Roulette” with this girl!
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>/I’m her first ever and she’s not great at sex, she just acts awkwardly, as if she’s a kid from a cartoon show who hasn’t ever seen a penis
🤣
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>She calmed down after some 40 minutes and we talked about it. So that’s about her instability. Otherwise she’s a very nice girl
“Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”
(For those of you not up on your American history: Abraham Lincoln was assassinated while taking in a theatrical performance. His wife was sitting right next to him when it happened.)
It sounds like this girl should not be participating in life this way, if this kind of health emergency can happen.
It is irresponsible on her part to put others in the position of having to “save” her when these emergencies happen.
Yes, you need to un-stick yourself from this girl as soon as possible.
And, as time goes on, I’m relaxing the qualification of doing so “gently”.
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>We are visiting the same psychiatrist, maybe I should ask him for advice?
**This sounds like a really, REALLY good idea!**
The best one I’ve heard so far!