As soon as you can look at your life and accept there’s a chance you’ll live your life as a single person without a relationship, you can look at why that actually scares you.
It’s likely a fear of meaninglessness, the idea that being loved romantically makes you worth more as a person, or is the only way to find happiness, and those ideas aren’t necessarily true.
Once you love the life you live without needing a perfect partner to complete you, you become a calmer, happier, and most importantly a more open person.
And the best part is, you’ll be much more open to love when it does come your way. People will notice your peace and want to be a part of it.
Hope this helps.
15 comments
The way I see it especially as a man is that partner want to join your adventure not make it. Tbh, it’s less anxiety when you have an exciting life because you won’t run out of date ideas. So at the very least you will have fun doing activities you like and your date can see you have fun.
Rather, dating someone and expecting them to add a new experience to you. This way you are looking to your date for excitement. You can be let down hard if it doesn’t happen
I found my partner once I stopped looking
Yep. I thought my whole life I was very normal and ordinary. Turns out I am not. I am not like the other girls- or the boys either. I’m probably non-binary at my core but not
Going to ask people to
Call Me they them lol.
Thank you. I wish someone told me this as a teen and my early 20s
I’d be further socially and financially and focused there instead of romantic life which can come unexpectedly later for some people or not at all
Instead I was stressing boys throughout my teens and until my early 20s after a heartbreak I wish I never got involved which led to casual sex poor decisions, sexual assaults
This makes me very sad to think.
Well said, there is much freedom in letting go of desire. A maybe / maybe not approach opens you up to exploring other options to enjoy life. It also gives the person an opportunity to grow to love their own company. Only then can they be a blessing in someone elses’s life.
The worst choice one can make is to fixate on needing to find a partner and surrender to misery if it doesn’t materialise. Life is too short for all that.
While this exact notion may be a feeling that not everyone is able to embrace, the main thing to take from this is that the misery of dating almost always comes down to the fact that you have failed to accept SOMETHING. Whether it be the perfect person may not be out there, or whether it be you actually are only looking for casual fun instead of trying to find a partner, acceptance of changing your point of view usually comes right before a certain amount of success.
I’m just after someone who’s imperfectly perfect. That’s all that matters.
I think the reason this is hard for most people is because, at some level, we are biologically wired to want a mate. The survival of the human species is dependent upon people coming together and procreating so our brain is wired to feel good when we do that and feel bad when we don’t to encourage procreation.
It’s a huge challenge because it’s not like a lot of other goals we have in life like failing to master piano after years of trying or not getting the promotion at work that we got our hopes up for.
Finding peace with living your life single means of unlearning years of biological hardwiring in your mind.
Also I cannot speak for every culture on earth but I would say most western cultures take it a step further and condition people to want partnership from early childhood. The nuclear family is the center point of many social circles. When you’ve been raised to believe that finding love and settling down is *the* recipe for happiness, it’s easy to feel like you missed the boat on such a celebrated part of the human experience when you’re reaching the middle years of your life and still haven’t found that.
I’m not disagreeing with your statement. Just adding some perspective.
The best course of action is to accept the very real possibility you may not have a match at all. If it means you just focus on giving YOURSELF the good things in life, so be it. Dating & marriage were never meant to fix the problems life & the world gives you. Deal.
ABSOLUTELY.
Probably the best piece of advice, honestly.
Or that your perfect match may end up changing that ideal situation to a perfect disaster faster then you can blink.
partially true, depends heavily on what you want ( or think you want ) out of life. A factor that makes it not possible for me is that I already had such match/person, but lost it.
We should all be date-able! I mean be the best version of ourselves! Check! Be the person that you would be with. Be the person that you would date! ! I kind of agree with this post. The only thing that kind of bugs me is IMO women naturally have a massive advantage when it comes to dating and in most social interactions. Guess women are born with those advantage. 😅
This is all good, when you at least meet a match. When you’re invisible to women, it becomes more difficult to meet any match at all.