Tw// so about a few months ago my social anxiety started to get worse and because of that I couldn’t force myself to go to my psych appointment. I rescheduled but the next time i ended up having a big ass panic attack over it and stayed home which was obviously stupid as hell. I run out of meds by now so I’m doing even worse and It made me feel really depressed that all of rhis is my fault and i couldve prevented it but i didnt. I really wanted to try and get my shit together and just function without the meds but I can’t do it anymore, I’m basically anxious 24/7 even over the simplest tasks that require social interactions and I feel like my heart is burning constantly. I’m really scared that I won’t be able to leave my house at all in a few weeks plus I started getting suicidal again (i was also medicated for depression). So yeah I need to text her asap and make an appointment but I’m just so fucking scared that she’s gonna be angry with me for missing my appointments and wasting her time (rightfully so) that I keep putting it off and I don’t know how to force myself to do it. And if do end up texting her I don’t really know what to say, should I explain myself or should I leave it for the appointment if she agrees to see me, I don’t know I’m so tired of this
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Hi! Thank you so much for the bravery it took to post this!
I know how difficult this can be. I too have had A LOT of anxiety especially around people being angry with me about things like this. The worst for me is the dentist, that particular anxiety has led to me have dentures at the age of 31.
First of I just want to say that this is absolutely not your fault and if your psychiatrist is made at you it would not only not be rightfully so, but also be incredibly unprofessional and unethical. You are a human being and deserving of compassion, empathy and kindness regardless of your struggles.
With that being said while it is not your fault, it is unfortunately your responsibility. That is not to say that you should just “buck up” and do it, but that it is your responsibility to find a way for it to be done. Do you have a trusted friend or family member who can help for example?
The fact that you are reaching out her tells me that you are more resourceful than you maybe feel right now so I am confident that you can find a solution, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed please feel free to dm me, I’m happy to help you brainstorm 🙂