Hey, so I got a problem. I’m a 22M and I don’t know what to talk about with older people that are a little “older”, I mean 40 yo or more.
For example we have dinners with my father’s friends and I’m quiet all the time. They frequently ask me “why you don’t talk? You are a little shy?” and I always answer “I don’t have anything to say” LOL. It’s pretty rude to answer this way but it’s the truth. They frequently talk about old histories, gossip or other topics that aren’t interesting for me.
I’m not anxious with people, I got friends and we talk non-stop.
Some advice?
3 comments
I can remember feeling this way years ago. Good for you to ask.
Asking questions of the previous generations can open many doors. You can ask about their history, hobbies, honors or profession without too much risk of boredom or taboo topics.
Good luck to you in your journey of mastering small talk.
Ask questions about whatever they are already talking about, let them talk and tell stories and you just listen and nod your head. People love talking about themselves and stories from their past.
I tend to find that with people who are out of your social group (regardless of if it’s age or hobbies or cultural or whatever), one thing that helps is to actively listen and ask questions. That way even if you start up quieter or don’t have much to add, at least people feel that they’re heard. If you ask stuff, you’ll also learn and maybe have something to add to later discussions.
With many things you can also try to find out if there are similarities to the things you know about or enjoy.
For example, I have a relative who was into landscape photography. I don’t know much about that, but have a collection hobby I sometimes take pictures of casually, and I do digital art. Turns out that a lot of the principles and ideas that are relevant for photography are also relevant to other types of art. This way, I could learn more about photography and they could hear more about framing composition and color theory.
I also talked with a person who’s hugely into sports. I hated sports. But we were able to have cool conversations about movement arcs and sportswear because for my art I also have an interest to learn more about movement and motion lines as well as clothing construction/ fashion.
It can take a bit but with time you’ll be able to find more of these kinds of creative leaps in interests.