Those who are divorced, what is something you learned from your first marriage that you think made your second marriage stronger?

19 comments

1. If you get married again, have you really learned anything?

2. My marriage taught me there won’t be a second . And no I’m not still unhappily married .

3. Don’t pretend to be monogamous. That just starts fights.

4. I learned to slow down and get to know someone thoroughly before getting too involved and prevented a second marriage lol

5. “Don’t get married.”

   Seriously, even a good marriage sucks.

6. It actually had very little to do with the reasons for the divorce, but I did learn skills on how to be better at emotional validation which has been very helpful in later relationships.

7. Leaned what I am and am not willing to put up with in a partner.

8. “Always have an exit strategy.” I wish I could put a /s after this, but I’m fully prepared to get kicked to the curb at any time.

   Been married over two decades now.

9. Nothing. The person I am is not some new game plus version. To think that would be a mistake, I feel.

10. Learned to not let precedent get too far. It is weirdly difficult to change patterns of behavior once they get set. So now I set boundaries more quickly and definitively while communicating then clearly. It isn’t always easy but makes the relationship stronger long term

11. I haven’t remarried, but what I learned is that marriage is barely worth it. I spent 13 years with my ex wife and I learned that there are people who are going to be low quality no matter what you do to try and bring them up. They’ll just drag you down and destroy you slowly from the inside out.

    My standards for my partner are now very high, and I’m not currently looking for them. I’m loving being single and doing all the things I never got to enjoy when I was with my ex. I learned that I can be happy without them. That life is going to be okay without the constant stress of their pessimism and criticism dragging me down. That being a whole, independent person is valuable and worthy.

    My self worth is such that any partner who doesn’t respect that isn’t worth having in my life.

12. Boundaries, communication, going slow, and above all, not accepting anyone as a long term partner if they aren’t completely compatible with me.

13. Well I got divorced from my wife and then ended up remarrying her a couple of years later.

    So we both learnt

14. I married a true friend with similar interests. I can watch a syfy <her choice> followed by football <my choice> and were happy.

15. The #1 thing I learned was Women are Crazy.

16. They are ex’s for a reason.

17. Be a man from the get go

18. Not my job to make her happy. Also learned to look out for signs of an abuser

19. I learned that marriage and moving in with a wife is a recipe for disaster so I visit my girlfriend every weekend as we live in different apartments and go on holiday with her. We now have a healthy relationship and able to enjoy our own space as well as each other’s company.