Those in open relationships, how do you make this work for you?

11 comments

1. When I did it just was what it was. I don’t get jealous. I’ve done various types of ethical non-monogamy. It’s not for everyone but for me it was just natural and easy

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3. Not quite sure what you mean by “make [it] work” — the phrase implies a less-than-ideal situation that you cope with somehow to find the silver lining.

   I’ve been polyamorous since I was 19. This is the relationship style I desire, and I only date people who also practice polyamory.

4. Once you get into it. Really start to learn each other. It becomes natural. Definitely weird at first but now it’s amazing.

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6. I did open relationships for about 4 years. It works best if a relationship starts out open instead of opening up a previously monogamous relationship. It worked for me because it was what I wanted and what the people I dated wanted, if someone doesn’t truly want it then don’t even bother. I also found it helpful to not have a primary partner, I lived alone and just had two different partners and then the occasional casual sex on the side.

7. It’s simply what I believe in and what I’m comfortable with. I don’t have to ‘make’ it work, it’s natural for me.

8. There is no “making it work”.

   Now, how do I deal with the various valid emotions that come up when a partner has a new partner?

   I acknowledge them as valid and then explore why I’m feeling what I’m feeling. It’s usually a fear of losing someone but I then remind myself that their relationship with someone else doesn’t diminish my value or what I have with them.

9. By not having to “Make it work”

   You have to want to be there or it will never work.

   That being said, we don’t technically have an open relationship.

   We are emotionally monogamous and sexually non-monogamous.

   It works really well for us.

10. Honest, open, effective and direct two way communication without triangulation.

    Clear concise communication or boundaries.

    Respect for all involved.

    Ethical consideration of everyone involved.

    And probably a whole bunch of nuanced stuff and lots of reassurance.

11. There is nothing to make work. We talked about it and were both fine with opening up, we set up some rules and went ahead. We both don’t get jealous, so that’s easy.

    Also please don’t mix up open relationship with polyamory, these are not the same. Being in a polyamorous relationship is not what we do or want and it would break our rules.